Oilers 6 Sharks Not 6

I was all set to watch the Oilers vs San Jose game last night then I got to working late and forgot about it. By the time I tuned in the Oilers were down 4-1. No worries, I thought I'd just tune in again later after they caught up. So I went and checked on the people I have tied up in my basement, went to Dairy Queen, saw some funny drunk UofC students. Is'nt it a bit early in the week dudes? Then I went and worked a bit more. When I tuned back in it was 4-3 for San Jose but the Oilers clearly had them by the throat.

The Oilers finally won 6-4 and Ryan Smyth got a natural hat trick. He set a new record for the fastest hat trick at 2:01. The previous record of 2:18 was held by Wayne Gretzky. I had thought it unlikely that any of Gretzky's records would be broken. Smyth also went over 500 career points. I'll bet his wife had a nice cake baked for him when he got home.

San Jose coach Ron Wilson is a pretty sore loser. After the game he called Ryan Smith lucky. No compliment. I think that's a little unprofessional. He was like that during the play-offs last year also. Even after the Oilers won the series he just could'nt say anything nice. It was all the referees fault, bad luck, etc. San Jose has a pretty good team with some excellent players. The Oilers announcers, although they're obviously homers, always manage to note the talent of the other teams. That's probably because they have some class. Ron Wilson is just a sore loser and an ass-hat. Is ass-hat hyphenated? Maybe just Asshat.

In other hockey news the Calgary Flames bored 18,404 fans to near death beating the Senators 1-0. Several people were taken to hospital with acute drooling and stuperous related symptoms. Please recommend this post

Blog Now Post Short

I just listened to Bruce Cockburn's new CD Life Short Call Now. I bought it last week sometime. In keeping with my ongoing meditation training I left it on my desk for a week without touching it. They tell me this is a good exercise to help you overcome an inordinate desire to do something. I walked by it multiple times every day for almost a week thinking this is ridiculous lets just pop it in the player. When I finally did listen to it for the first time I really enjoyed it.

I rarely like an entire CD but I liked most of these songs.

The title song, to me is a sort of love song about the shallowness of life and how short it is. The final verse:

you've no idea how i long
for even one loving caress
for you to step into my heart
without deception or duress

The third song on the CD called Mystery is a beautiful song that I could listen to over and over again, and probably will until I get really sick of it.

Peace March is another wicked guitar instrumental that Guitar players will be trying to figure out. Good luck with that.

Tell The Universe is a song about war. Probably one particular current war:

tell the universe what you've done
out in the desert with your smoking gun
looks like you've been having too much fun
tell the universe what you've done

This is Baghdad is a song that probably came out of the author's trip there:

Carbombed and carjacked and kidnapped and shot
how do you like it, this freedom we brought?
We packed all the ordinance but the thing we forgot
was a plan in case it did'nt turn out quite what we thought

The last song on the CD is another Guitar Solo called Nude Descending a Staircase. It has a unique sound. I can't quite put my finger on it. Sort of Fried Green Tomatoes/American Grafitti.

Ani DiFranco and Ron Sexsmith, two other favourites of mine, sing backup on a few of the songs.There is a lot more instrumentation on this CD compared to previous Cockburn CD's.

Thanks for the tunes Mr C. Please recommend this post

Music To Walk Around With And Or By

I finally got around to updating some good music onto my player. The weather in Calgary last night was beautiful. Hot and sunny. I walked by the Bow River on the way home and the Sun was playing on the yellow leaves of the Poplar trees. It was kind of breathtaking when you add in the sun bouncing around on the water. And it was'nt just the poplars. It was also the Giant Redwood, the Larch, the Fir, the mighty Scots pine, the lofty flowering Cherry, the plucky little aspen, the limping rude tree of Nigeria...[1]

The soundtrack for an October walk in the Sun:

1. Eve of Destruction - The Turtles

I like the Turtle's version better than Barry McGuire's original. I was standing on the corner of 7th and 8th...or maybe it was 8th and 7th...anyhow...I was singing aloud to this song until I noticed that a bunch of banker suit types were staring at me. I felt like the town Witch that accidentally walked into the Knights of Columbus meeting. Or the Knights of Columbus dude walking into a meeting of Witches. I could'nt decide which was funnier.

2. Kind and Generous - Natalie Merchant

My favourite song by her. Whenever I hear it I always think of the same person.

3. Rebecca Martin - These Bones are Yours Alone

She's got a really nice voice. Really really nice.

4. Closing Time - Leonard Cohen

and i lift my glass to the awful truth
which you can't reveal to the ears of youth
except to say it isn't worth a dime
and the whole damn place goes crazy twice
and it's once for the devil and once for christ
but the boss don't like these dizzy heights
we're busted in the blinding lights,
busted in the blinding lights
of closing time

5. Hard Headed Women - Cat Stevens

Yeah me too. I banged foreheads with this chick one time trying to exchange a kiss. She sure had a hard head. I rolled around on the ground for a while pretending I was in the World Cup. At some point in a relationship you have to find out if they buy into your theatrics. What does the former Mr. Stevens mean by a hard headed woman? I never got that.

6. Silence is Golden - The Tremeloes

Generally I like music from the early 60's even though it is long long before my time. I vaguely remember this song on the radio. If you're an older person you may have seen them live.

7. What It Is - Mae Moore

we take for granted this life we know
a few possessions we have to show in the end
i'll keep my peace of mind
make love the bottom line
i've got everything i want ever since i found out
what it is that makes my world go round

8. Anthem - Leonard Cohen

can't run no more
with the lawless crowd
while the killers in high places
say their prayers out loud
but they've summoned up
a thundercloud
and they're going to hear from me

The song comes on just as I'm walking by the Dinning Shack. They'll be hearing from me too.

9. Here She Comes - The Mahones

I read an article about them and the author kept saying they were Celtic Punk. That did'nt really sound right to me. More like Irish Canadian Uptempo Cabaret Rock. Songs about how much you love your girl is'nt exactly punk to me unless they reference heroin, vomiting or train spotting. They remind me a lot of the SkyDiggers. Where are the SkyDiggers these days anyway?

10. Lodestar - Sarah Harmer

out in the night, out on the water,
we pull the boat back to shore.
breathing the air in the stillness of the bay.
intensity of stars reflected in the water,
silently ignite.
the oar dips in to oil like water and we,
are away.
under the moon,
in the great black night with no lodestar,
in sight.

...

[1] List as taken from Monty Python's Lumberjack sketch. You can't have a music list without somehow bringing Monty Python into it. Please recommend this post

Mennonites Start Relief Fund For Amish

A quick post. Just in case you don't know about this, the Mennonite Central Committee has set up a special fund to assist the Amish community in Nickel Mines.

Click here for the MCC's special webpage.

The MCC always makes me proud to be a Canadian. Please recommend this post

Balls in Escrow Please

A completely surprising development in South Carolina:

CHARLESTON, S.C. (AP) - A City Council member, reacting to a video store holdup believed to have been carried out by children, says parents who can't properly care for their kids should be sterilized.

"We pick up stray animals and spay them," Larry Shirley said in a story published Saturday by The Post and Courier of Charleston. "These mothers need to be spayed if they can't take care of theirs. Once they have a child and it's running the street, to let them continue to have children is totally unacceptable."

Surely you're not advocating eugenics? Of course I am, please call me Larry.

Generally, I've been trying to ignore the trailor park boys that get themselves elected then feel they need to talk out loud.

I'm not an American, but I don't think your local town council can sterilize you. That sounds more like the domain of Homeland Security or maybe Faith Based Initiatives.

I'm disappoited that the Canadian Press and the CBC both referred to "parents" in the headline when clearly Adolph was talking about mothers. There is an important difference which has to do with attitudes to women. Don't you feel the outrage of Welfare Queens and Crack Whores stealing your sweat soaked tax dollars?

Since we can't shut these creeps up and people won't stop voting for them I came up with a solution while walking down fashionable 7th avenue today. We should required all male politicians, before running for public office to sign their balls into public escrow. Its just like if naked pictures of Miss America turn up. Certain things have to happen to restore the dignity of the office.

Should they, during the course of their tenure, say something that is derogatory or hurtful towards mothers, compare them to dogs, or advocate for forced eugenics, the state will require them to either resign or surrender their balls in a very public and a very painful manner.

Also, Canadians should be aware of the fact that the Stanley Cup is currently residing in that part of the world. We want it back. We don't want our national treasure around creeps like that.

And thats one more reason why you all (y'all) should be cheering for the Edmonton Oilers. Please recommend this post

Grief, Dreaming and Empathy

I had a dream a week or so ago about our recently departed loved one. I don't often dream of those who have passed on, it has only happened to me a few times. It was a very short dream, CC was wearing a really nice suit and was smiling. He had on a ridiculous tie that was glowing, kind of like a lava lamp, or something from the sixties. I was amused by the tie, so I asked him where he got it. He replied that I gave it to him. That was it. Dream over.

Although the dream itself was fairly harmeless, maybe even funny, it left an emotional hangover that carried into the next few days. It made me feel profoundly sad and with a longing to turn back the clock. I tried to write down my thoughts on this dream several times but could never quite get through it. It did'nt help that in the meantime I watched Jon Voigt in the Five People You Meet In Heaven . Which cracked me open just a little bit wider than I already was. I've added this movie to my top 5 all time favourite movies.

I try not to analyze my dreams to much. The furballs that our subconscious throws up to us are mostly meant to be ignored. But there was something that kept eating at me about this dream.

While trying to understand the dream a little voice kept mumbling the word empathy. Empathy? Yeah, like remembering all the bewildered people in Afghanistan and Iraq who are missing family members. Or the families of Canadian and American soldiers who regardless of their political view are now going through a horrible grieving process. If grief and loss means anything at all should it mean you become more fully human in that you can understand someone else's grief? I'm embarassed that self-pity is almost always the first recourse. If empathy is important then how as a Canadian can I be the least bit comfortable with Canada's New Government which sees Military Machismo as our new international identity. I understand a little bit more, but not nearly enough, about grief and empathy. I also know who I'm NOT voting for in the next federal election. Which I hope is soon. Please recommend this post

Blogger Errata

In a previous post I mentioned that my niece attended a Rocker Chick Camp this summer. This should have be described as Rocker Girl Camp. I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. Please recommend this post

Hermaphrodite Nazi Sympathisers And Thanks

Late last night our blog received its 5000th visitor. I would like to send a gift to that reader, but I only know it is someone in LeatherHead Bromley, UK. A better produced blog could get 5000 hits in one week or one month but it took us almost a year. Our 5000th visitor googled wallace simpson hermaphrodite and landed here. For the record, we do not have any in depth content related directly to this search. Google does not do semantics very well when dealing with multiple key words. It only knows those three words were found somewhere in the content. Nonetheless I'm grateful for the visit.

An hermaphrodite is someone with both sexual physiologies. God only knows why, but I discussed it here (Last paragraph). Wallace Simpson was an American woman who married the Prince of Wales in the 1930's. Not long after becoming King he abdicated because his marriage to a divorced American was objectionable to the British Parliament and the Royal Family. Since the Prince of Wales was immensely popular the British people resented Wallace Simpson and all kinds of crazy things were made up about her in the press. They blamed her for the abdication and then made a whole industry out of saying wacky untrue things about her. Good thing the Western Standard and Ezra Levant were not around then. Being called an Hermaphrodite would be the least of her worries.

I really doubt she was an hermaphrodite. The Duke would have taken note of that. That castle was only big enough for one Duke. With all due respect to hermaphrodites everywhere - which is a phrase I never thought I would write - it was an awful thing to say about someone just because they disrupted your little costume pageant.

After abdicating the couple moved to the Bahamas where the Duke was given a bit of non strenuous government work to do. There were persistant rumors throughout the War that the Duke and Duchess were Nazi sympathisers, perhaps even spies. Hence, another one of my other google referrals: "Wallace Simpson von Ribbentrop".

I feel like I should be thanking people for having 5000 visits.

First - first I'd like to thank Jesus because athletes do it all the time whenever they win something. Also my mother who does'nt know I write this stuff, should be thanked. You always thank your mother. If you don't you are a jerk. I'd like to thank Jesus again, because you can never thank Jesus enough when you live a life like mine. I'd like to thank the Progressive Bloggers for picking up my feed probably against their better judgment. I'd like to thank the Pope and Madonna. I'd like to thank all the readers who drop by and take time to read my posts. No accounting for taste. I'd like to thank the Government of Alberta whose ignorance and incompetence is mind blowing thus giving me plenty to write and think about. I'd like to thank Stephen Harper for being a continuous source of legitimate outrage for all of us non-Conservative bloggers.

My plans are to continue with this blog and to find ways to improve it. I lament the fact that many blogs I start to enjoy end up having a short life span. There are a lot of very talented writers out there so its always going to be a good competition to get readers. Please recommend this post

Rocker Chick Camp

My niece went to Rocker Chick Camp a few weeks ago. She did'nt even send me an email telling me she was doing that. I had to hear it from my mother and I did'nt really understand what she was talking about. What I heard at first was Biker Chick Camp. Oh dear, I thought, does the father know? She went to this camp in Edmonton for 5 days and got musical instruction from Rachelle van Zanten and others. I think this type of thing is a great idea. I wish they had something like that when I was that age. I tried to get some of the lyrics of the songs they wrote in the workshops but no luck. I'll keep trying.

A friend of mine went to an IT boot camp which is kind of like a religious cult. They deprive you of sleep and protein and cram you with stupid facts so you can pass a bunch of Certification Tests. He paid almost 10k for it and drank the whole time. He apparently passed all the exams but does'nt know how or when.

It does'nt really bother me if my niece decides to make a career in music. Its a tough life though. I admire people who have musical talent. I know she does'nt get it from my side of the family. We have no musical genetics on our side at all. She obviously gets her talent from her Father's side, he being an impressive singer and guitar player. Please recommend this post

Labour Day Disaster

It has been a sad week up in Capital City. The day after Labour day marks the half-way point for the CFL season. I think it will extremely likely that the Edmonton Eskimos will miss the playoffs for the first time since 1971. Sure, I was around then, why did you have to bring that up? I sure as heck was'nt going to no rocker camp. Life was pretty tough. We had to sit in those crappy end zone seats in Clarke Stadium and freeze.

Anyway, the Saskatchewan Rough Riders are playing well, and the Eskimos were beat by the Calgary Stampeders on Labour Day. This is why we are saying the Eskimos season is all over. Think of all those bus loads of drunk Eskimo fans heading back up the QE2 last monday night. It was probably a pretty quiet trip without a lot of screaming and tossing of beer soaked underwear. Just sad melancholic drooling.

I was at work on Tuesday morning and it was only 10:00 am before I heard some major league gloating down on street level. One guy says, so we finally beat Edmonton on Labour day. The other guy: Really, that happened once when Klein was mayor I think. A third guy joined them but they were practising male tribal dominance so they would'nt let him talk.

Calgary Stampeder fans are so used to losing they never really think any particular win is good enough. After scoring 44 points against Edmonton people were still phoning the Radio Station expressing a weird kind of skepticism about how good their team really is. Sure we scored 44 points, but we should have scored 64 points. Heads should roll. Occasionally people forget it is a post game football show and phone in to point out that the poor kick off returns are the result of Canada being a third rate socialist welfare state.

Tonight is the rematch in Edmonton. The game is just getting underway. If I were betting I would'nt put much on the Eskimos, not if you want to feed your kids. Actually it is officially known as the Alberta Pork Sports Labour Day Classic Rematch, which is mouthier than Mundare Sausage. I was trying to think of something funny to write about a government funded Pork Lobby group sponsoring a football game but nothing came up that was remotely publishable.

The Eskimos and the Edmonton media are in a complete state of shock that this could be happening to them. Eventually they'll have to deal with it and re-tool it for next year. Please recommend this post

Klein's Farewell Song

I thought we should all get together and sing a song to send the Premier off since this is hopefully his last day in the Alberta Legislature.

This little ditty is sung to the tune of Henry Kissinger by Monty Python. I hope they don't sue me for hacking their lyrics.

Do try to stay in key.

a one a two ...

Dear Mr. Premier
We won't be missing yer
You're not the Leader in our dreams
Your too much to bear with your Boozy stare
And your Machiavellian schemes

I know they say that you are very vain
And short and fat and pushy at least you're not insane
Mr Premier
we won't be missing yer
Just wishing you were gone

Mr. Premier
they're all dismissing yer
Looks like yer out on the street
With your cowboy clothes and your red light nose
You're like a mayor from beecee

All right so people say that you don't care
but the gays know where they stand
and the poor don't have a prayer.

Mr. Premier
Get out the fishin gear
We're happy you are done.

Please recommend this post

Alberta's Bill 208 Summarized

Please recommend this post

Swearing At Children

There are certain days you always remember, not because something big happened but because several small improbable and largely unrelated things happen within weird proximity to one another. I was walking down 10th ave sw on the way home from work when I stubbed my toe on this huge rock on the sidewalk. Without thinking i blurted out oh *. You know the word, the one that rhymes with those things Ford builds tough. Normally, I don't talk like that and I don't want anyone to think I do, but damn that hurt. Just as the words flew out of my mouth I looked up to see two little girls staring at me with eyes that were bigger than the Olsen twins the first time they read their bank statements. Mom was glaring. Not my mom, theirs. My mom refuses to walk me to work. I felt like saying, what's wrong with you little twits, haven't you ever heard an IT professional talk? Or O come on, like mommy and daddy haven't thrown that one at each other. Anyway, I felt horrible, just horrible.

On 10th avenue near 14th street there is this old building that has Jim Dinning signs plastered all over it. I walk by it every day and assumed that the business owners were Dinning supporters or they were gunning for Government contracts. It turns out that this ugly little shack is Dinning's Calgary campaign headquarters. It seemed incongruous. I was shocked. The Tory elite meeting in a trailer park?

While walking near this building I'll be damned if I did'nt stub the same toe on another rock. It hurt so much the second time that I nearly went flying through the air spastically. As I was stumbling I saw a dude walking behind me. It was Jim Dinning himself in all his Tory Glory. I was beside myself. Here I am stumbling and cursing like an indigent right in front of our next Premier.

So I said hello and asked him if the building was really his campaign headquarters. He said yes, or something like yes. He struck me as friendly and easy going. I really wanted to ask him what he thought of Morton's sick minded bill 208, which by the way, made me angrier about Politicians than I have been for quite some time. I would have asked Mr. Dinning this question but some Tory Stepford Wives got to him first. I think I could guess his answer anyway, at least in the sense that it would be a non-answer. The front runner has the luxury of not debating on any issues that come up. And Dinning, from all that I can remember, has always been big on rhetoric and small on content. Like all politicians, he speaks in passive voiced platitudes and not in specifics.

Not a few yards away there was a panhandler who is there every day with a huge sign that explains his homelessness, hunger and need for donations. The sign is a bit wordy and I've been meaning to offer to help him tighten it up a bit. I'd be happy to do that but I would'nt want to insult the guy.

Seeing the nicely dressed Dinning campaign supporters walk by the panhandler on their way to a meeting was bizarre. With or without Jim Dinning this province sure has a lot of work to do on social issues and infrastructure. One hopes the ruling party can pry themselves away from gay bashing long enough to consider it. Please recommend this post

French To Fix Middle East

From the CBC...

France boosted its contribution to a United Nations peacekeeping force for Lebanon on Thursday, hours after a top European Union official said he wants fresh troops there by next week.

French President Jacques Chirac announced an extra 1,600 soldiers, bringing his country's total contribution to 2,000 troops. France also offered to command the force.

Well, ain't that old school.

I think I speak for a lot of people when I note what excellent work the French have done in the Middle East over the last few centuries. Really, stellar work. I does'nt surprise me they are being invited back.

I don't expect them to commit any atrocities or display a hyper-nationalistic colonial attitude. Why would you ask that? Maybe if it works out well for the French in Lebanon they could drop by Algeria on the way home and help out a bit.

I should'nt make fun of France. Its actually pretty important that peace-keepers get there asap. I'm cynical about the whole thing. For some reason I have a bad feeling it is going to go south. It could turn into a 5 way shooting match.

And I'm very very proud as a Canadian that our Prime Minister has made it impossible for us to be taken seriously as diplomats or peace-keepers. Good work. Can't wait to see whats next. Please recommend this post

The Dog Barfed Up My Policy

A few days ago I posted this about Ed Stelmach policy statements. I finally found the document I read before. It was a speech given to the Goldbar PC Riding Association not long ago. You have to read the whole thing. It is so convoluted and mental it will make you cry. It made me cry and I'm pretty shallow. I felt like e.e. cummings looking for the cap-locks key. Sorry, I've just been dying to use that line.

Anyway, the part that caught my eye was a few comments on proportional representation. I'll let Ed talk now:

But I will be perfectly clear that if some want to make changing our system of elections to a "proportional representation" system, put me on the record opposing it.

As the Leader of the Progressive Conservative Party, I will not make it my legacy to get more NDP or Liberal members elected. If they can win on the ground, or in the hearts of Albertans, then fine.

But let's not fool ourselves by getting caught up this red hearing(sic) debate that it would be better to have less community representation and more ideological representation.

Here is my reasoning for advocating change in our party and not in our system.

Proportional representation will give legitimized voice to the extremes in politics, and if politics existed without the media, there is a possibility that within the confines of the legislature, a balanced approach would be the result.

But in today's world, the natural competitive media would give disproportionate attention to extreme positions giving rise to wedge politics

Oy. Whoever barfed this up should'nt be sleeping well at night. This is traditional conservative rhetoric. The voters can't be trusted because they might vote "extreme". The media can't be trusted because they might "legitimize" what people actually voted for. Ed, like the entire ruling parting sweats bullets at the idea of losing control over the peasants.

The other thing deeply disturbing - or Funny, depending on your mood, is the fact that Ed can't tell the difference between the party and the government. Do you think that's from being in power too long.

Its time to update my Alberta Dictionary:

Community Representation: Conservative Representation.
Ideological Representation: Non-Conservative representation.
Wedge Politics: An idea that is not approved by the ruling party.

Read the whole speech here.

Updated July 24, 2006: Added a link to the speech in the first paragraph. Fixed a couple of HTML problems. Please recommend this post

Our 2nd and 3rd Line of Defense

I woke up to the news this morning that Airports were not allowing women to fly with bras that have gel implants. Yowser. When I heard that my tin foil hat flew off and slammed into my vintage Farah Fawcett poster. They are willing to make an exception if the bra can be classified as a prosthetic. Women being yanked out of long line-ups be questioned about the composition of their bras, in front of their shocked and surprised partners. She gels out? Who knew. I really wanted to be the first blogger to point out that a woman with a prosthetic gel bra can also be a terrorist. No free passes.

Meanwhile, Israeli doctors make a wild claim that a woman's silicone implants saved her life. Shrapnel from a Hizbollah rocket embedded in her chest and the implants, apparently, stopped the shrapnel only a few critical centimetres from her heart. Thus, the proud and defiant, and brave breasts of Israeli woman are standing up to the evil of Hizbollah. This will give a whole new meaning when she finally has a medal pinned on her chest.

Not to be outdone Lebanese doctors reported that a woman and 53 family members were saved when a building collapsed on top of them. The woman's large implants held up the building just long enough until rescuers arrived. Sorry, I went Oniony there for a moment.

President Bush upon hearing of the incident:

The evil doers hate our way of life and our...breasts (akward hand cupping gesture) are a very important line of...defense. Our implants have to hold out 100% of the time to keep America safe while the evil doers need only to get around our implants just once to cause their massive death. Because death is the way they kill. They never stop thinking of ways to harm us, and neither do we.

Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld was questioned as to whether he thought there were sufficient silicone implants around to protect Americans, said,

Do we have enought implants to go around? Probably not. Are we working on this problem. (Weird hand gestures) Sure we are. Look, you don't fight terrorism with the implants you wish you had, you fight them with the implants you have.

Later that day at lunch:

Do you enjoy my company?
Yes sweetie, of course I do. You make me feel happy. And safe, very very safe.


Put on your breastplate of righteousness it's going to be a long fight.

Link Please recommend this post

The Dog Ate My Policy

(If you can't see the above image clearly, right click, view image.)

Progressive Conservative leadership candidate Ed Stelmach seems to have launched a new website recently. Not everything is complete, as you can see by the surreal promise of future policy statements. Generally, you try not to do this sort of thing on a website. It seems kind of amatuer.

The only policy information that caught my eye on the old website was the fact that Stelmach opposes proportional representation for the Province of Alberta. It seems odd that he would single out this policy but it is not surprising considering how many seats the Progressive Conservatives would lose under a fairer non-archaic system.

I wish i would have grabbed Stelmach's explanation from the old website, but i can paraphrases it somewhat: I oppose proportional representation because it would reward the Liberals and NDP with more seats and I oppose that because they should win more seats under the current system if they really want them. If I'm not characterizing this correctly, I'll most certainly post an update.

Stelmach's policy coming soon graphic unwittingly captures the Klein era perfectly. My memories of the Klein era will always be the constant announcements of how smart they are and the big plans they have for fixing things, and the constant rejection and ridiculing of outside ideas. Everything was always coming soon. When you think about Health Care for example, aside from all the announcements and symposiums about reform what did they really do?

The reason I'm not all that impressed with the list of candidates trying to replace the Premier, aside from the obvious fact that I'm not a Progressive Conservative party member, is the fact that they are almost all long term insiders. They now cite all these problems that need fixing and claim to have the solutions. But none of them had the integrity to speak up in the last 12 years while government was deteriorating under Mr. Klein. That is a huge credibility problem.

All strongmen eventually get pulled down, and all ruling parties eventually get voted out. The Mexicans did it to their long term ruling party, Canadians did it to the Federal Liberals. Democracy often breaks out unexpectedly in the most unlikely of places. Will Albertans figure it out? Please recommend this post

Madonna's Big Hangup

Madonna's latest tour which recently played in Rome has a moment where she elevates herself up on this huge cross. The Vatican reacted as expected by condemning the show as blasphemous. Apparently doing this in Rome heightened the offense, because Rome, they say, is the cradle of Christianity. Here we go again with the not our back yard because we are more moral than you speech. (aka NIOBYWMMTYS - pronounced NeeObeeWimmisTiss)

Madonna as a person I find very interesting, the music not so much. She weighs the risks and rewards of offending people and almost always reaps the rewards of increased publicity. The Vatican and other religious leaders do not always properly weigh the risks of reacting to every offensive piece of art that comes along. Mostly they end up looking like they have far too much time on their hands. Madonna hanging on a glittery cross is the low hanging fruit of outrage. I think of it as a poor use of mental energy in a very very troubled world.

Eventually we will all be senior citizens. The young folk will view Madonna the same way we view Lawrence Welk. There will be review shows with Madonna impersonators hanging themselves on crosses playing to drunk seniors in Las Vegas and Canmore. We'll take a swig of hooch and say man those were the days. Our children will be embarassed when they come to visit us in our seniors residences and there is some 80 year old re-enacting Madonna's crossapalooza and everyone's singing along to Like A Virgin in warbly seniors voices. Many will wander off into the woods when its 30 below. What we find sacriligious and edgy today will someday be the backdrop to a Depends commercial. Maybe Madonna will become an incontinence spokesperson.

With Madonna's upcoming concerts in Germany, the German government is apparently going to watch her to see if she violates any one of the numerous laws regarding the insulting of religions. The German people must be very proud that they have a Government that cares enough about them that they can divert law enforcement people from the War on Terrors to keep an eye on Madonna. Keeping an eye on Madonna would be hard hard work. Hero's work, really. I picture two state security types sitting in the back row inconspicuously watching for any sign of blaspemy. The one guys says, Hey, is'nt that Osama bin Laden over there?, the other guy says, Shush. I think she just said God is Dead.

The other thing I don't understand is why the Muslim and Jewish leaders in Italy were also outraged by the performance. Are they swarming? Have they formed some kind of blasphemy reciprocity treaty. I like it better when someone insulted Christianity and some Jewish leader would shrug his shoulders and say, well he was never really our first choice for Messiah you know. The world is upside down if you can't even rely on interfaith bad will anymore. It also occurred to me - and the next part is a little delicate to express - it occurred to me that Jews and Muslims might just be a little jealous because they don't have anything quite as spectacular as the crucifixion and resurrection. Moses and Mohammed both died quietly after long lives. Moses did record the details of his own death in the latter part of the book of Deuteronomy which is rather stunning. But it is no stone rolling resurrection.

We pause here for a joke from our sponsor:

Masochist: Hey, can you help me nail myself to this cross?
Sadist: Nope.

I think the only fair way to look at this is to acknowledge that no one person or groups owns the symbols of a religion or culture. After 2000 years of having Christian symbolism embedded in our collective unconscious there are innumerable ways those symbols will show up in art. Not all will appeal to everyone. Would you rather have Madonna vogueing on a fake cross, or, someone lighting a cross on fire on your lawn?

If I were Madonna's choreographer (which would be sooo gay) I would suggest she put Bush and Blair effegies on smaller crosses on either side. After all, Christ was crucified between two criminals. For an encore I'd have some dance routine that represents Michael Moore being fed to the Olson Twins. Please recommend this post

Alberta Dictionary: Oberging

I'm still wondering where Lyle Oberg's skeletons are. When he got kicked out of the Government caucus he was widely quoted:

The premier does'nt want me as a back bencher, I know where all the skeletons are buried.

Oberg is about as good with metaphors as he is with running government departments. Skeletons are not buried, they're hidden in closets. Why would you bury a skeleton? Some cultures in Africa put their dead ones in caves then come back years later and gather the dried out bones for burial. I'm sure that's what Oberg was talking about. Africa. But lets not get all Cliff Claveny.

The comment almost screams for an enquiry into Alberta Government corruption. But only Federal Liberals are corrupt, correct?

Not long after he made this flippant comment Graham Thompson of the Edmonton Journal asked him about the skeleton comment and got a stupid answer. I have to quote the whole exchange to give the full picture of Oberg's shallowness:

Oberg: First of all I want to make something absolutely, 100 per cent clear here. The integrity of this government and the integrity of Premier Klein can never be challenged. When I was talking about skeletons, I was talking about gaps in policy. I was talking about being the back bench member that was going to go out and talk about weaknesses in policy, talk about policy in general and bring forward constructive ideas about how we can change policy.
Reporter: Usually the word skeleton is not used in that context.
Oberg: Hey, I'm a doctor.
(laughter in the room)
Reporter (me) looking for clarification: Would you care to help me out here?
Oberg: The bottom line on this one is as a previous backbencher I went and looked at policy, I went and looked at policy that would make Albertans better, that would make Alberta better. That's what I saw at that time, I saw my role as a backbencher, as a government member, to bring out gaps in policy, to be able to show Albertans what direction we can go. As a member who is no longer a government backbencher, I will be doing the same thing, I will be offering constructive ideas on issues that I feel affect Albertans.
Reporter: Then what are some of the gaps?
Oberg: I'll give you a good example. Highway 63 (from Edmonton to Fort McMurray) which is one that was in my particular portfolio. The policy is that we will not twin a road until there are 10,000 vehicles per day. Highway 63, according to the last count, had a vehicle count of about 38-hundred. Quite simply, we know, you know, Albertans know that Highway 63 has to be twinned. So, we went ahead and did it, we changed the policy, we took the policy and we basically said this policy does not affect Highway 63. And those are the types of ideas that need to be brought forward, that need to have good, open discussion in Alberta.

Yep absolutely 100% clear. You wonder why Oberg did'nt just say, I know where all the gaps are, and as a back-bencher I sure will find them all and fix them because thats what we backbenchers do. Gap-finding, gap-fixing all day long. Did I say skeleton's in the closet? Well obviously you all know that means policy gaps. When I use a metaphor I choose it to mean exactly what I want it to mean. Mangling metaphors is a solid step towards good open discussion. The integrity of Premier Klein can be challenged quite easily, just not by ambitious boot lickers. So I guess he's half right. But in order to challenge him, I guess you would have to find him.

Meanwhile..according to the Alberta Infrastructure website only preliminary studies have been started on twinning Highway 63. They do not know yet how much it will cost. The Government has not allocated any money to this 6 year project. The website notes that surveying will go on well into the winter, but they do not say which winter. This huge multi-billion dollar project was all Oberg's doing. He single handedly found that skeleton gap.

An aside: The main reason Oberg requested a return to the Conservative side was because he did not want to sit next to Paul Hinman (of the AA party) any longer. There is a chance that if Mr Hinman rises to address the Legislature with one of his boiler plate anti-gay speeches that God Almighty might strike him with lightning on account of the well known fact that God does not particularly care for bigotry. If that happens Hinman's head could explode and spray cream cheese all over one of Oberg's $2000 suits. Oberg believes it would be very unfair for the taxpayer to have to pay for all that dry cleaning. And we all know that he always puts the people first. He's just that kind of guy. He finds and fixes gaps.

Where were we?

As a result of this unfortunate semantic retardation I've added the term Oberging to my Alberta Dictionary Project.

Oberging means to falsely imply that you could be a whistle blower in exchange for personal gain, but then renege on the promise because you don't really care about the integrity of Governement, just about yourself.

I think i see a gap... Please recommend this post

No Veto For The Wicked

If you are an embryo you will be pleased to know that you no longer have to duck and cover when an evil scientist, like this one...

...comes along and wants to kill you. That guy looks like he wakes up every morning just salivating at the idea of killing life. His only sadistic goal is to make a little Tarantino movie in that petrie dish. Thank God Americans have a President who can see that.

Science is so bogus anyway.

On the other hand if you're a family living in Northern Israel or Southern Lebanon there's no Presidential Veto coming for you, just missiles. You're on your own. The sooner you realize that your life and the lives of your children are less important than some microscopic tissue samples the better off you will be.

Reference Please recommend this post