Christmas, Numerically Speaking

I went to Edmonton for Christmas and had a fairly good time. The facts below speak for themselves:

Number of toilets I heroically unplugged on Christmas day: 1

Number of family stories I heard at Christmas Eve dinner that involved electrocution, house fires, near drowning, and putting dentures into the recently deceased: 5

Number of family members missing for Christmas dinner: 4

Number of times my niece told me to shut up: 5

Number of times I got beat at foosball: 4

Number of times someone asked me when when I was going home: 3

Number of people at the dinner table wearing dumb-ass hats from South America: 1

Number of different plans I heard about the route the Christmas day foul was taking from Canmore, Alberta to Sherwood Park, Alberta: 5

Number of phone calls I fielded about the location and eta of the Christmas day foul: 3

Number of times the front desk of my hotel phoned me on boxing day morning to ask me dumb questions: 4. I waited until they were really busy then phoned them and asked them if there was a guy in the lobby with a blue toque. Then I phoned back and said, sorry, I meant red. A "toque" is a Canadianism for a winter hat made of wool.

Number of years in a row I have asked politely for a Pony: 40

Number of Ponies I have received for Christmas: 0

Number of times at dinner that I was telling somebody something that I thought was pretty important only to find out they were'nt even remotely listening: 5
(Try this: "blah blah blah i'm building a nuclear bomb blah blah blah")

Number of people at Christmas Dinner: 17

Average age at Christmas Dinner: 36.9375. This suggests a proposed generic parental response: Shut up, you're well below the mean.

Weirdest Christmas Scene: Driving down Whyte Avenue late on Christmas Eve three guys were trying to haul a shopping cart full of pop bottles across the train tracks on 103st. Poverty never takes a day off.

Prettiest Christmas Scene: Driving past the refineries on the way back from Sherwood Park. All the refineries were lit and there was a full moon. You can see all the lights from Edmonton from baseline road.

Best Kept Christmas Secret: I accidentally brought home an unopened gift from Grandma to my Niece. I know what it is. Who knows how long I'll hang on to it.

Worst Christmas Movie I was forced to Watch: This year its a tie. 1) That stupid movie A Christmas Story with that stupid little kid named Ralphie with the big round glasses. Kids can't act. Horrible movie. 2) Ghost. No idea what this horrible horrible horrible movie has to do with Christmas but its a horrible movie. For some reasons several stations ran it over and over again on the 24th and 25th. What's the moral in this movie anyway? You die and you get to make out with Demi Moore? The only way you could have even remotely saved this movie would have been to dump Swayze and put Pacino in that role. Pacino as an angry dead guy who makes out with Demi Moore - think about it.

Weirdest Christmas Conversation with a Stranger: Talking with a dude at Canadian Tire about the merits of the various plungers they had for sale. Please recommend this post

Irony Non Pareil

And then one reads the CNN lead story:

HANOI, Vietnam (AP) -- U.S. President George W. Bush opened a visit Friday to the wartime capital of this once-divided country, a trip that is stirring inevitable comparisons between the unpopular war in Iraq and the divisive conflict fought and lost in Vietnam more than three decades ago.

I guess its better late than never.

I hope he gets heckled. Hey asshole, we coulda used your help in 1970...

To me its not the comparison between Iraq and Vietnam that is interesting - important as that is. It is the difference between Vietnamese and American soldiers who lost their lives, minds or limbs and the Golden Boy who cruised around Arkansas looking for cheap beer.

Or, the difference between the American Vets who tossed their Purple Heart Medals in a river because no one would listen to their horror stories and the Golden Boy who pranced around in a flight suit with a sock stuffed in his pants.

Mr. Furious is going to bed now. He has a full day of outrage tomorrow. Please recommend this post

O.J. Bludgeoned: Here's How

I was just sitting around thinking what it would take to make me more depressed and disaffected than I already am when I read about Rona Ambrose acting like a 4 year old in front of the whole world. At first I thought, this whole Global Warming issue is being so mishandled by our government that I would rather tell someone I'm from Kazakastan rather than Canada. And then I realized I liked being a Canadian, I was really just embarassed that Rona Ambrose was a Canadian. Whole lotta realizing going on there. Maybe its just as well. I hate the science fetish our society has. Proof this. Logic that. Pfft. The earth has survived for 6000 years, its pretty tough.

Then I read about O.J. Simpson. Desperate to get back in the news and probably short on cash:

In a bizarre move his publisher says amounts to a confession, O.J. Simpson has written a book that speculates how, hypothetically, he could have killed his ex-wife and her friend.

I almost frikkin cried when I read that. It makes slowly going blind seem cruel. Is this man even human? You wonder to what extent people like O.J. will go to hurt their families even more than they (allegedly) already have. I think he's sociopathic to the core.

Supposing that someone snuck into O.J.'s house and bludgeoned him with a stuffed Manatee, which is an illegal thing to have by the way. I'd like to write a book about that explaining how, theoretically, I would do it if, theoretically, I was the one with the Manatee bludgeoning. I won't be in Florida next week. Not at all.

For example, someone could, theoretically, strap O.J. to the roof of my/their Blue Ford and cruise up and down a major freeway. I'd have a big sign that said, If you want my ideas on how a former NFL star could be bludgeoned and tied to the roof of a car please buy my book on how I think it might have gone down. The book would have uncanny, eye-brow raising detail.


Maybe when Canada is at the bottom of the list of environmentally responsible nations, Rona Ambrose can write a book that explains how, if one were to destroy the environment, here's a few thoughts on how it might be done.

Disclaimers: Not advocating bludgeoning. All suspects are entitled to a fair defense. Offer void in Quebec and Maine. No Manatees were harmed during this post.
Please recommend this post

Taxpayer Funded Bird Flipping

I just got the finger from a City of Calgary Employee driving a City of Calgary vehicle. I suspect I was'nt driving quite the way he preferred. I'm glad the City of Calgary workers are prying themselves away from doing undercover reconaissance on the homeless peeing and spitting with malice aforethought

I'm feeling pretty disillusioned today. About the only thing that could make it worse would be if Jason Kenney did something stupid to get into the news. Please recommend this post

Photo Blogging Sucks

A few pictures from around Calgary.

The Camera: Pentax K1000. Fully manual Analog. Vintage 1970's technology. The Film: Kodak Black & White ASA-400. The captions are underneath each photo.

This is Confederation Park a few days ago after the first snow dump of the year.

This is the blurry view out of my office. The last office was on the 26th floor facing the mountains. Was is something I said?

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to yooooo
You look like a rocker
And your dad does too.
Alternate ending: And you smell like one too.

This is a little parking lot behind the Dinning Campaign headquarters. The sky was really vivid and weird looking but this film does'nt have enought contrast to bring it out properly. Note that the parking lot is mostly empty. Am I the only person in Calgary who works until 5? Please recommend this post

Belated Halloween Tips

I've been around the block a few times with this Halloween thing, so I thought I'd offer a few suggestions to make things go a little smoother:


1. If you knock on someone's door and a toothless old hag answers and starts pronouncing all kinds of satanic curses on you don't take it too seriously. Just say, 'Thank you Mrs. Dinning, have a nice evening.' and move on.

2. If you bite into an apple and there's a razor blade in it don't go running to your mother. Remember, she told you not to come running to her if you bit into an apple with a razor blade. Go directly to the nearest emergency ward and line up with all the other retards. While you're waiting 12,24 or 48 hours to have the razor blade removed from your mouth, you might be tempted to ask your parents a smart ass question about why they voted for Ralph Klein, but you won't be able to because you have a razor blade stuck in your mouth.

3. Don't wear your halloween mask if you go into a convenience store. Under Mr. Harper's new tough anti-crime bill a convenience store clerk can now shoot you dead if you're wearing a mask. As an additional burden, you now have reverse onus to prove that you should'nt have been shot dead.

4. If you have a religious experience of any kind its probably just some Ecstasy that's in your candy. It does'nt mean your profound or deep or anything. The Jesus you see is'nt real and does'nt love you.

5. If you are carving out a pumpkin and you find yourself getting a little too jabby-jabby with the knife and then just out of the blue you shout out someone's name, please Orenthal, get some help. This is not a good sign.

6. If you're one of those lucky children who get to trick-or-treat at the Prime Minister's house plan your schtick ahead of time. If the Prime Minister asks you about your costume, a witty reply will be appreciated. Something like...Well quite frankly this is the costume that the people of Canada have frankly been asking for. Frankly the Liberals had 13 years to help me with this costume and frankly did nothing. Either you like this costume, or you're against Halloween and Children. Frankly its that simple. Candy please.

7. Remember, dressing up in a weird costume and asking strangers for candy is just another way of preparing you for the rest of your life as an employee. So is stealing candy from another kid.

8. A lot of couples met at Halloween parties. Its also a good time to break up. Just think of badly you could scar someone if you were dressed up as a disney character and you told them you did'nt want to see them anymore.

9. If you come home after trick-or-treating and your parents have had a bit of drink and they 're arguing, it is the only time you can tell them to shut the f* up, because you're cute in your costume. Give it a try, you'll see I'm right. Please recommend this post

Friday Night Weird Dream Blogging

There are a lot of stupid things on the internet. Ranking near the top is Friday Night Cat Blogging. I am proposing a new tradition. On friday nights bloggers everywhere should post the details of their last weird dream. Stupid pictures of stupid cats are out. Weird dreams are in. Feel free to leave a brief synopsis of your last weird dream in the comments to this post. But its my blog, so I get to go first.

Okay, here is the inaugural Friday Night Weird Dream Post:

I'm watching this Star Trek espisode, and then I find myself in the middle of the episode. Some aliens have taken on human bodies but they are having problems getting the bodies to work properly. They are bitching a lot but I keep telling them I don't really want to know the specifics of what's wrong. Kirk and Spock are just sort of lolling around like they are stoned not really doing anything. One of the aliens tells me they have to get the bodies working because they have a convention to go to in a couple of days. At some point Kirk turns into Peter Lougheed. He's carrying around a big computer that looks like a microwave oven and keeps telling me not to touch it. Spock finally shows up with some kind of ray gun that makes all the alien's bodies work properly. Everyone ends up kind of happy.

Bet you can't top that. Please recommend this post

DMAA YouTube Mixer

If your interested in Media and in Calgary on Nov 1, 2006, the Digital Media Association of Alberta is having a mixer. They describe it as:

YouTube.com was recently bought by Google for $1.7 billion. Calgary entrepreneurs and leaders in digital video creation with many decades of experience in the personal, corporate, web, and broadcast space will discuss where digital video is going, and what they see as potential business opportunities. Why did YouTube work, and what lessons can be learned. What mistakes did YouTube make, which could sink other online ventures.

Usually their speakers and events are pretty good. Being digital media, its not the usual collection of geeks. This is a much cooler crowd.

I'm dying to get a couple of video blogs up on YouTube before Google ruins it.

Check their website for more information. Please recommend this post

Five Things Feminism Has Done For Me

Why should a man write about benifiting from feminism? What could I possibly say that could be taken seriously? I feel men should take feminism seriously for the same reason heterosexuals should take gay rights seriously. By sticking up for other peoples rights you decrease the chances that yours will be taken away arbitrarily. I'm not sure I'd like living in a society where people don't stick up for their fellow citizens because they don't belong to the group being wronged.

As a result here are five things feminism has done for me:

1. A lot of other bloggers have mentioned the work-place. I have benefited directly from working with a lot of highly qualified smart women who in another generation may have had to stay at home and apply their large brains to meaningless tasks. Unfortunately, there are still not nearly enough women in science and technology. The other day I added up all the different computer programmers and database people I have worked with over the years. It came to about 17, but only two of them were women. As recently as 5 years ago I worked for a VP of Technology who absolutely refused to hire female programmers. He claimed they could not do the job. Clearly certain people are lying when they claim feminism has run its course and reached its goals.

2. Feminism helps me form an historical perspective of the social and political changes I've seen in my life. I have my own view of how we got into the current debacle of Harper vs the Status of Women Canada: Mulroney believed that Trudeau ruined Canada and that it was his divine calling to save Canada. Everyone is entitled to their delusions of grandeur. Mulroney was so obsessed with re-writing Trudeau's constitution and negotiating NAFTA that he accomplished very little for women or families. Without trying to over-explain it, I think it can be argued that Mulroney killed the progressive wing of the Conservative Party, alienated Western Conservatives, and made it possible for Harper to merge the two parties and remove the word Progressive from the name, and more importantly, to remove Progressive ideas from their policy. No wonder Harper claims Mulroney as his mentor. That's my explanation of how we got to 2006 and a government that wants to cut funding to the Status of Women.

3. Feminism has helped define the type of women I admire and want. (Pause for Drooling). My ideal woman ought to committed to defending her own and other women's gender rights. I think its pretty important for women to be independent and able to look after themselves. If through some unfortunate series of events her honour is besmirched in some weird way I would like to think she would kick ass and take names. (I've got your back sweety.) I don't think I'm capable of buying into the idea that men are the higher beings in the social order as per St. Paul and others. There are many things St. Paul wrote in the New Testament that I cherish, but his views on women, marriage and homosexuality can be discarded without much second thought.

4. Feminism has largely driven the redefinition of the family so families now take many different forms. It will never be the same again in spite of the rantings of tradionalists. The is no such thing as a traditional definition of a family or a marriage. Any group who claims they own the traditional definition of marriage and the family are egotistical power crazy liars. It can be two women, two men, a single mother, working, not working, whatever. I benefit from this because I can feel free to form my family any way I want without feeling guilty. There is a side benefit of knowing people you care about can do what they want and what works for them. Now if only we could get Canada's New Government to mind its own business and let people decide family and marriage issues for themselves, we will all be better off.

5. Feminism has made me more aware of the problems in our society with domestic violence and poverty, both affecting women and children far more than men. I read the other day that Alberta has the highest rate of domestic violence in Canada. Part of this is attributable to the frontier town mentality that goes along with the boom cycle of the Oil & Gas economy. The question is: Why would our Government want to defund women's groups knowing there is still a huge problem with violence towards women. That puts their attitude in a whole new light: immoral and dispicable. Pro family my ass.

Note: This is a first draft. I'm not overly happy with it, so I may make some edits.

Update Oct 25, 2006 6:50pm mst - I fixed some typos and minor changes to grammar. I used to be a good speller. And thanks for all your feedback so far. Please recommend this post

Friday Night Cat Blogging

This is my first try at Cat Blogging which seems to be a tradition for many bloggers on Fridays.

I hope I did'nt upset anyone. Please recommend this post

Oilers 6 Sharks Not 6

I was all set to watch the Oilers vs San Jose game last night then I got to working late and forgot about it. By the time I tuned in the Oilers were down 4-1. No worries, I thought I'd just tune in again later after they caught up. So I went and checked on the people I have tied up in my basement, went to Dairy Queen, saw some funny drunk UofC students. Is'nt it a bit early in the week dudes? Then I went and worked a bit more. When I tuned back in it was 4-3 for San Jose but the Oilers clearly had them by the throat.

The Oilers finally won 6-4 and Ryan Smyth got a natural hat trick. He set a new record for the fastest hat trick at 2:01. The previous record of 2:18 was held by Wayne Gretzky. I had thought it unlikely that any of Gretzky's records would be broken. Smyth also went over 500 career points. I'll bet his wife had a nice cake baked for him when he got home.

San Jose coach Ron Wilson is a pretty sore loser. After the game he called Ryan Smith lucky. No compliment. I think that's a little unprofessional. He was like that during the play-offs last year also. Even after the Oilers won the series he just could'nt say anything nice. It was all the referees fault, bad luck, etc. San Jose has a pretty good team with some excellent players. The Oilers announcers, although they're obviously homers, always manage to note the talent of the other teams. That's probably because they have some class. Ron Wilson is just a sore loser and an ass-hat. Is ass-hat hyphenated? Maybe just Asshat.

In other hockey news the Calgary Flames bored 18,404 fans to near death beating the Senators 1-0. Several people were taken to hospital with acute drooling and stuperous related symptoms. Please recommend this post

Blog Now Post Short

I just listened to Bruce Cockburn's new CD Life Short Call Now. I bought it last week sometime. In keeping with my ongoing meditation training I left it on my desk for a week without touching it. They tell me this is a good exercise to help you overcome an inordinate desire to do something. I walked by it multiple times every day for almost a week thinking this is ridiculous lets just pop it in the player. When I finally did listen to it for the first time I really enjoyed it.

I rarely like an entire CD but I liked most of these songs.

The title song, to me is a sort of love song about the shallowness of life and how short it is. The final verse:

you've no idea how i long
for even one loving caress
for you to step into my heart
without deception or duress

The third song on the CD called Mystery is a beautiful song that I could listen to over and over again, and probably will until I get really sick of it.

Peace March is another wicked guitar instrumental that Guitar players will be trying to figure out. Good luck with that.

Tell The Universe is a song about war. Probably one particular current war:

tell the universe what you've done
out in the desert with your smoking gun
looks like you've been having too much fun
tell the universe what you've done

This is Baghdad is a song that probably came out of the author's trip there:

Carbombed and carjacked and kidnapped and shot
how do you like it, this freedom we brought?
We packed all the ordinance but the thing we forgot
was a plan in case it did'nt turn out quite what we thought

The last song on the CD is another Guitar Solo called Nude Descending a Staircase. It has a unique sound. I can't quite put my finger on it. Sort of Fried Green Tomatoes/American Grafitti.

Ani DiFranco and Ron Sexsmith, two other favourites of mine, sing backup on a few of the songs.There is a lot more instrumentation on this CD compared to previous Cockburn CD's.

Thanks for the tunes Mr C. Please recommend this post

Music To Walk Around With And Or By

I finally got around to updating some good music onto my player. The weather in Calgary last night was beautiful. Hot and sunny. I walked by the Bow River on the way home and the Sun was playing on the yellow leaves of the Poplar trees. It was kind of breathtaking when you add in the sun bouncing around on the water. And it was'nt just the poplars. It was also the Giant Redwood, the Larch, the Fir, the mighty Scots pine, the lofty flowering Cherry, the plucky little aspen, the limping rude tree of Nigeria...[1]

The soundtrack for an October walk in the Sun:

1. Eve of Destruction - The Turtles

I like the Turtle's version better than Barry McGuire's original. I was standing on the corner of 7th and 8th...or maybe it was 8th and 7th...anyhow...I was singing aloud to this song until I noticed that a bunch of banker suit types were staring at me. I felt like the town Witch that accidentally walked into the Knights of Columbus meeting. Or the Knights of Columbus dude walking into a meeting of Witches. I could'nt decide which was funnier.

2. Kind and Generous - Natalie Merchant

My favourite song by her. Whenever I hear it I always think of the same person.

3. Rebecca Martin - These Bones are Yours Alone

She's got a really nice voice. Really really nice.

4. Closing Time - Leonard Cohen

and i lift my glass to the awful truth
which you can't reveal to the ears of youth
except to say it isn't worth a dime
and the whole damn place goes crazy twice
and it's once for the devil and once for christ
but the boss don't like these dizzy heights
we're busted in the blinding lights,
busted in the blinding lights
of closing time

5. Hard Headed Women - Cat Stevens

Yeah me too. I banged foreheads with this chick one time trying to exchange a kiss. She sure had a hard head. I rolled around on the ground for a while pretending I was in the World Cup. At some point in a relationship you have to find out if they buy into your theatrics. What does the former Mr. Stevens mean by a hard headed woman? I never got that.

6. Silence is Golden - The Tremeloes

Generally I like music from the early 60's even though it is long long before my time. I vaguely remember this song on the radio. If you're an older person you may have seen them live.

7. What It Is - Mae Moore

we take for granted this life we know
a few possessions we have to show in the end
i'll keep my peace of mind
make love the bottom line
i've got everything i want ever since i found out
what it is that makes my world go round

8. Anthem - Leonard Cohen

can't run no more
with the lawless crowd
while the killers in high places
say their prayers out loud
but they've summoned up
a thundercloud
and they're going to hear from me

The song comes on just as I'm walking by the Dinning Shack. They'll be hearing from me too.

9. Here She Comes - The Mahones

I read an article about them and the author kept saying they were Celtic Punk. That did'nt really sound right to me. More like Irish Canadian Uptempo Cabaret Rock. Songs about how much you love your girl is'nt exactly punk to me unless they reference heroin, vomiting or train spotting. They remind me a lot of the SkyDiggers. Where are the SkyDiggers these days anyway?

10. Lodestar - Sarah Harmer

out in the night, out on the water,
we pull the boat back to shore.
breathing the air in the stillness of the bay.
intensity of stars reflected in the water,
silently ignite.
the oar dips in to oil like water and we,
are away.
under the moon,
in the great black night with no lodestar,
in sight.

...

[1] List as taken from Monty Python's Lumberjack sketch. You can't have a music list without somehow bringing Monty Python into it. Please recommend this post

Mennonites Start Relief Fund For Amish

A quick post. Just in case you don't know about this, the Mennonite Central Committee has set up a special fund to assist the Amish community in Nickel Mines.

Click here for the MCC's special webpage.

The MCC always makes me proud to be a Canadian. Please recommend this post

Balls in Escrow Please

A completely surprising development in South Carolina:

CHARLESTON, S.C. (AP) - A City Council member, reacting to a video store holdup believed to have been carried out by children, says parents who can't properly care for their kids should be sterilized.

"We pick up stray animals and spay them," Larry Shirley said in a story published Saturday by The Post and Courier of Charleston. "These mothers need to be spayed if they can't take care of theirs. Once they have a child and it's running the street, to let them continue to have children is totally unacceptable."

Surely you're not advocating eugenics? Of course I am, please call me Larry.

Generally, I've been trying to ignore the trailor park boys that get themselves elected then feel they need to talk out loud.

I'm not an American, but I don't think your local town council can sterilize you. That sounds more like the domain of Homeland Security or maybe Faith Based Initiatives.

I'm disappoited that the Canadian Press and the CBC both referred to "parents" in the headline when clearly Adolph was talking about mothers. There is an important difference which has to do with attitudes to women. Don't you feel the outrage of Welfare Queens and Crack Whores stealing your sweat soaked tax dollars?

Since we can't shut these creeps up and people won't stop voting for them I came up with a solution while walking down fashionable 7th avenue today. We should required all male politicians, before running for public office to sign their balls into public escrow. Its just like if naked pictures of Miss America turn up. Certain things have to happen to restore the dignity of the office.

Should they, during the course of their tenure, say something that is derogatory or hurtful towards mothers, compare them to dogs, or advocate for forced eugenics, the state will require them to either resign or surrender their balls in a very public and a very painful manner.

Also, Canadians should be aware of the fact that the Stanley Cup is currently residing in that part of the world. We want it back. We don't want our national treasure around creeps like that.

And thats one more reason why you all (y'all) should be cheering for the Edmonton Oilers. Please recommend this post

Grief, Dreaming and Empathy

I had a dream a week or so ago about our recently departed loved one. I don't often dream of those who have passed on, it has only happened to me a few times. It was a very short dream, CC was wearing a really nice suit and was smiling. He had on a ridiculous tie that was glowing, kind of like a lava lamp, or something from the sixties. I was amused by the tie, so I asked him where he got it. He replied that I gave it to him. That was it. Dream over.

Although the dream itself was fairly harmeless, maybe even funny, it left an emotional hangover that carried into the next few days. It made me feel profoundly sad and with a longing to turn back the clock. I tried to write down my thoughts on this dream several times but could never quite get through it. It did'nt help that in the meantime I watched Jon Voigt in the Five People You Meet In Heaven . Which cracked me open just a little bit wider than I already was. I've added this movie to my top 5 all time favourite movies.

I try not to analyze my dreams to much. The furballs that our subconscious throws up to us are mostly meant to be ignored. But there was something that kept eating at me about this dream.

While trying to understand the dream a little voice kept mumbling the word empathy. Empathy? Yeah, like remembering all the bewildered people in Afghanistan and Iraq who are missing family members. Or the families of Canadian and American soldiers who regardless of their political view are now going through a horrible grieving process. If grief and loss means anything at all should it mean you become more fully human in that you can understand someone else's grief? I'm embarassed that self-pity is almost always the first recourse. If empathy is important then how as a Canadian can I be the least bit comfortable with Canada's New Government which sees Military Machismo as our new international identity. I understand a little bit more, but not nearly enough, about grief and empathy. I also know who I'm NOT voting for in the next federal election. Which I hope is soon. Please recommend this post

Blogger Errata

In a previous post I mentioned that my niece attended a Rocker Chick Camp this summer. This should have be described as Rocker Girl Camp. I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. Please recommend this post

Hermaphrodite Nazi Sympathisers And Thanks

Late last night our blog received its 5000th visitor. I would like to send a gift to that reader, but I only know it is someone in LeatherHead Bromley, UK. A better produced blog could get 5000 hits in one week or one month but it took us almost a year. Our 5000th visitor googled wallace simpson hermaphrodite and landed here. For the record, we do not have any in depth content related directly to this search. Google does not do semantics very well when dealing with multiple key words. It only knows those three words were found somewhere in the content. Nonetheless I'm grateful for the visit.

An hermaphrodite is someone with both sexual physiologies. God only knows why, but I discussed it here (Last paragraph). Wallace Simpson was an American woman who married the Prince of Wales in the 1930's. Not long after becoming King he abdicated because his marriage to a divorced American was objectionable to the British Parliament and the Royal Family. Since the Prince of Wales was immensely popular the British people resented Wallace Simpson and all kinds of crazy things were made up about her in the press. They blamed her for the abdication and then made a whole industry out of saying wacky untrue things about her. Good thing the Western Standard and Ezra Levant were not around then. Being called an Hermaphrodite would be the least of her worries.

I really doubt she was an hermaphrodite. The Duke would have taken note of that. That castle was only big enough for one Duke. With all due respect to hermaphrodites everywhere - which is a phrase I never thought I would write - it was an awful thing to say about someone just because they disrupted your little costume pageant.

After abdicating the couple moved to the Bahamas where the Duke was given a bit of non strenuous government work to do. There were persistant rumors throughout the War that the Duke and Duchess were Nazi sympathisers, perhaps even spies. Hence, another one of my other google referrals: "Wallace Simpson von Ribbentrop".

I feel like I should be thanking people for having 5000 visits.

First - first I'd like to thank Jesus because athletes do it all the time whenever they win something. Also my mother who does'nt know I write this stuff, should be thanked. You always thank your mother. If you don't you are a jerk. I'd like to thank Jesus again, because you can never thank Jesus enough when you live a life like mine. I'd like to thank the Progressive Bloggers for picking up my feed probably against their better judgment. I'd like to thank the Pope and Madonna. I'd like to thank all the readers who drop by and take time to read my posts. No accounting for taste. I'd like to thank the Government of Alberta whose ignorance and incompetence is mind blowing thus giving me plenty to write and think about. I'd like to thank Stephen Harper for being a continuous source of legitimate outrage for all of us non-Conservative bloggers.

My plans are to continue with this blog and to find ways to improve it. I lament the fact that many blogs I start to enjoy end up having a short life span. There are a lot of very talented writers out there so its always going to be a good competition to get readers. Please recommend this post

Rocker Chick Camp

My niece went to Rocker Chick Camp a few weeks ago. She did'nt even send me an email telling me she was doing that. I had to hear it from my mother and I did'nt really understand what she was talking about. What I heard at first was Biker Chick Camp. Oh dear, I thought, does the father know? She went to this camp in Edmonton for 5 days and got musical instruction from Rachelle van Zanten and others. I think this type of thing is a great idea. I wish they had something like that when I was that age. I tried to get some of the lyrics of the songs they wrote in the workshops but no luck. I'll keep trying.

A friend of mine went to an IT boot camp which is kind of like a religious cult. They deprive you of sleep and protein and cram you with stupid facts so you can pass a bunch of Certification Tests. He paid almost 10k for it and drank the whole time. He apparently passed all the exams but does'nt know how or when.

It does'nt really bother me if my niece decides to make a career in music. Its a tough life though. I admire people who have musical talent. I know she does'nt get it from my side of the family. We have no musical genetics on our side at all. She obviously gets her talent from her Father's side, he being an impressive singer and guitar player. Please recommend this post

Labour Day Disaster

It has been a sad week up in Capital City. The day after Labour day marks the half-way point for the CFL season. I think it will extremely likely that the Edmonton Eskimos will miss the playoffs for the first time since 1971. Sure, I was around then, why did you have to bring that up? I sure as heck was'nt going to no rocker camp. Life was pretty tough. We had to sit in those crappy end zone seats in Clarke Stadium and freeze.

Anyway, the Saskatchewan Rough Riders are playing well, and the Eskimos were beat by the Calgary Stampeders on Labour Day. This is why we are saying the Eskimos season is all over. Think of all those bus loads of drunk Eskimo fans heading back up the QE2 last monday night. It was probably a pretty quiet trip without a lot of screaming and tossing of beer soaked underwear. Just sad melancholic drooling.

I was at work on Tuesday morning and it was only 10:00 am before I heard some major league gloating down on street level. One guy says, so we finally beat Edmonton on Labour day. The other guy: Really, that happened once when Klein was mayor I think. A third guy joined them but they were practising male tribal dominance so they would'nt let him talk.

Calgary Stampeder fans are so used to losing they never really think any particular win is good enough. After scoring 44 points against Edmonton people were still phoning the Radio Station expressing a weird kind of skepticism about how good their team really is. Sure we scored 44 points, but we should have scored 64 points. Heads should roll. Occasionally people forget it is a post game football show and phone in to point out that the poor kick off returns are the result of Canada being a third rate socialist welfare state.

Tonight is the rematch in Edmonton. The game is just getting underway. If I were betting I would'nt put much on the Eskimos, not if you want to feed your kids. Actually it is officially known as the Alberta Pork Sports Labour Day Classic Rematch, which is mouthier than Mundare Sausage. I was trying to think of something funny to write about a government funded Pork Lobby group sponsoring a football game but nothing came up that was remotely publishable.

The Eskimos and the Edmonton media are in a complete state of shock that this could be happening to them. Eventually they'll have to deal with it and re-tool it for next year. Please recommend this post