Hi. Whats up y'all. My name's Jeff Garcia. You might remember me as QB for the Calgary Stampeders. Fourth leading passer in Club history. Y'all might of read some crappy stuff about me lately.
First I'm not gay. I'm dating a Playmate of the Year. Terrel Owens said that about me because he was a crappy reciever and coach would'nt let me throw to him very often. Where's he now? Exactly. In retrospect, I should not have started phoning up media outlets to deny that I was gay. That appears to not have helped much. Now they follow me around to see if I'm with a girl.
Then one night we head out to this bar in Cleveland called Tramps. Carmella - that's my Playmate of the Year girlfriend which proves I'm not gay - was in a foul mood, and I knew something was going to go off. Later, my ex shows up (also a woman) and starts causing trouble. I just wanted to leave but Carmella was dancing on a table. When she does that I just sort of ignore her. (Unless she tells me to do something) Suddenly it was like a Quentin Tarantino movie she was kung-fuing the ex swinging off this pole.
When I saw her swing off that pole and kick my ex in the head I was totally amazed man. I never saw anything like that in Calgary. She's such a dainty thing. It must have been those Rasberry Vodka Coolers. Later I said, hey, where'd you learn to swing off a pole like that but she just glared at me.
Well now we all have to go to court. I hope they put me on the stand and ask if I'm gay.
Some of you are making jokes about how my girlfriend had to fight another girl to protect me. Someone even joked that if my front line in Calgary had protected me like that we might have won more Grey Cups. That's not very funny. The truth is I was on the injured reserved list at the time so if coach found out I was scrapping in a bar with a chick he would not be a happy man. He's already over the edge about the gay thing.
Another thing, Carmella is not the "reigning" Playboy Playmate of the Year because Playmates of the Year don't reign. It's not like she runs around with a Tiara opening kids hospitals. God I hope she does'nt read this. Your always the Playmate of the Year for that Year its not like they all of the sudden decide they need a new Playmate of the Year for 1986. And the funny thing is they can't take it away from you because they found out you posed in Playboy. Ha! That one cracks me up.
Anyhoe, gotta run.
With non-gay material kindly provided by:
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/6815294/
http://www.outsports.com/nfl/2004/0812garciaowens.htm
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