Letter To My Favourite Bishop

Dear Bishop Henry,

Your idea that the local parish priest withold the the sacrament, indeed eternal salvation itself, from Catholic Members of Parliament who do not uphold canon law against homosexuals and baby killers is a stroke of genius. One day Catholic seminarians will be taught about the Henry Doctrine I'm sure. If a Member of Parliament can be made to fear for his eternal salvation then i'm sure they'll start doing the right thing.

My problem is, i don't think this is going far enough. As you know canon law is quite expansive. For example I recently discovered through Sun Media that Peter McKay and Belinda Stronich are involved in an intimate relationship. They appear to have no shame or modesty and are flouting their pathetic little tryst. Just thinking about those two entwined in lust sends a shiver up my spine. Anyway, i believe you should look into this clear violation of canon law. I know striking up a secret Inquisition board and calling secret witnesses is a hassle, but it must be done. The good news is that it is not Peter McKay and Scott Brison which a lot of us were worried about. Please handle this discretely, not in your usual flamboyant manner, they're not Liberals after all.

Which remainds me, my group is adamant that you should not be shaming any Catholic Conservative Members of Parliament for reasons that are very very complicated and I can't go into them right now. But I know you agree because you have never condemned any Catholic Conservative Party Members of Parliament for violating canon law. And believe me, just between you and me, they can be a sordid bunch when you dig around a bit.

By the way, I heard one of the Conservative Members, from Calgary no less, was on a Catholic TV show and was complaining about the burden of being a single Catholic male. Apparently he is struggling with the sin of Onan. I thought you might chat with him and offer some private shaming. I'll forward his name, secretly, to your committee in the usual manner.


regards,
a loyal supporter Please recommend this post