50 Years of Gumby

Gumby is celebrating his 50th birthday this week.

The Claymation superstar is still going strong as he celebrates a career full of highs and lows. For a long time Gumby was a part of the highly successful team of Gumby & Pokey. In spite of the success the duo parted ways in 1985 largely because of creative differences, substance abuse, and dwindling ratings.

Gumby was able to make a successful transition as a single artist but Pokey could not make the transition from a child-donkey-claymation actor to an adult-donkey-claymation actor. Pokey spent the next few years in an out of rehab picking up the occasional guest appearance on Magnum P.I. (the Croatian claymation version) but soon the work dried up. Gumby & Pokey re-united briefly in 1994 for an anti-smoking campaign aimed at Children. Their highly effective 30 second spots were quietly dropped from Network TV when Focus On The Family accused them of promoting liberal tolerance and launched a boycott.



These days Gumby laughs about the old days, but really wants to talk about Politics. Last Tuesday morning Gumby announced that he would be the Conservative Party of Canada candidate in the riding of Trinity-Spadina. Putting old differences aside Pokey accepted the offer to join the Gumby campaign as Communication Director. Things got off to a rocky start when Pokey kicked a gay rights activist in the middle of a press conference. Gumby, in an exclusive interview with Rex Murphy brushed off the incident as described out of context.


For more information on the Gumby campaign please see http://gumbyworld.com/ Please recommend this post

Lame Caption Contest, etc.

I have not had time to update my blog much lately due to work pressures and generally poor time management. Lots of good ideas, no time. So you can discuss this photo among yourselves.

This is one of those staged photo ops that just demands a sarcastic caption contest. Don't you get the feeling these two think they are engaged in a high stakes game of Risk? Unfortunately we are the board.

My entry in the caption contest: Putin(through a translator): "No, I'm pretty sure this is the Korean Peninsula, North Dakota would be about 5 feet over your right shoulder. What are you stupid? Don't translate that last part."

You can read some more analysis of the photo at Bagnews. Please recommend this post

Electoral Reform & NOTA

It goes without saying that most of us are disappointed with our Parliament and want to see some real change. The current set of Parliamentarians (aka Bigots and Whores Inc.) will be dealt with, more or less, in the next election. But the broader system needs a real overhaul and thats why I'm here to offer you the None Of The Above Party. The Platform is still evolving but I'll try to explain it as simply as I can. We had our third plenary meeting tonight on the corner of Varsity Dr. and 38st. It was modestly attended.

The one and only purpose of the party is to allow voters a legal place to indicate a none of the above vote. Currently Elections Canada does not allow this. With a none of the above candidate running in every riding Elections Canada would be forced to compile these votes and thus put a number to a common sentiment.

The Party does not really require a leader. We do require a spokesperson so Canadians really understand why we're running. We are in negotiations with Jolene Blalock right at the moment and it looks promising.

If elected a NOTA candidate must resign immediately and force a by-election. We reject any type of political success. Of course a NOTA candidate would run in the subsequent by-election as well. Critics of our platform note that this could force repetitive and costly by-elections, in some cases causing stalemates. This is possible but its not our fault. The other parties can break the deadlocks by finding better candidates that people can actually vote for.

Since it is impossible for NOTA to ever form Government, our membership was deeply divided over whether we should have additional policies that we advocate. It was decided that we should develop a few ideas about electoral reform and implore the winning party to adopt them.

As a safeguard, our party constitution also has a self-destruct clause. If NOTA members win enough seats to form Government then refuse to resign because they get the crazy idea that they can "fix things", then the party must instantly expel them and dissolve itself.

By a narrow margin NOTA approved the policy of Negative Voting and Personalized Vote Cancelling. Negative voting means that the voter can take a look at the ballot and say my hatred for that guy far exceeds any positive feelings for other candidates. Thus, you can apply a -1 vote to the guy you hate. By way of example, the Conservative candidate gets 30,000 votes but 25,000 voters apply negative votes against him, thus his real and final vote total is 5000 votes. We think this will make candidates behave differently.

Personalized vote cancelling involves matching up opposite voters in a personal way. If one guy votes Conservative and another guy Liberal the person who votes last is deemed to have cancelled out the other guys vote. Elections Canada would assign opposing voters to each other. Then they would send letters to each person explaining that they were now partnered in the Electoral System. The voters would get each others phone number and address and Elections Canada would encourage them to dialogue. We feel this has potential for real nation building.

We wanted to look at some other policies but it got dark. Please recommend this post

Dear Tony

Take a look at this British Election cartoon. Its excellent.

http://www.gbjab.com/ Please recommend this post

Sun Panics over Poll

It was the strangest headline I've seen in a long time. Move over murder and mayhem, the Calgary Sun today leads with an SES poll showing the Liberals 6 points ahead of the Conservatives. In their breathless and self-important grade 3 comprehension style:

What will it take for Canadian voters to get so mad at the Liberals that they'll boot them out of office?

Apparently, not a daily dose of corruption and scandal.

The Martin Grits have put the brakes on the damage caused by sensational allegations of influence peddling and kickbacks to people in high places and are actually moving up in public opinion, a SES Research poll released on CPAC suggests.

The nationwide survey of 1,000 voters, completed Tuesday, shows the Liberals have stretched their lead to six points over the Conservatives, compared to a recent Decima poll, which had the Grits leading by three percentage points.

If you're a Liberal you would be foolish to crack open some Champagne just yet. If you're a Conservative this poll should in no way discourage you.

The Calgary Sun knows very well that the polling right now is extremely flaky and could have wide variances. There is no election call and no election date and because of this polling is very difficult and highly volatile.

So whats the real story here? They are just trying to mobilize their already angry base, and indirectly fan the flames of Western Right Wing Alienation. The first two sentences are all you really need. Its a continuation of the theme that non-Conservative voters are evil and wicked for helping to put the Liberals over the top since 1993.

Keep insulting the people you need to come over to your side with simple minded guilt by association diatribes. Excellent strategy. Please recommend this post

Friday 12 Music...Thingys

Sorry, I could'nt quite get that title right, my brain hurts. After a long week of fighting with MS-Access limitations, the subleties of SQL, and the ever present weirdness of Crystal Reports. Not to mention the 1200 pound Gorilla of changing requirements.

Having some lineage in the Scottish Presbyterian tradition it occurs to me that maybe one should not really enjoy working. Maybe its purpose is punishment for our original sin. (Which is different from sin that is original.) If only we could still be lounging around in the Garden. If I understand the Bible correctly, prior to the fall and expulsion from Paradise Adam did not really have or need a career. Commune with the Creator, eat the legal fruit, keep the wife away from Snake, call it a day. Maybe after dinner help Snake plant a few more of those fake Dinosaur bones he's always going on about. Sweet life.

My Granny would probably look askance at all the new age touchy feely stuff about finding a career you like. Her family landed on an Eastern Alberta farm around 1910 direct from Edinburgh. That must of been some kind of culture shock. Then they dealt with two wars and a depression. And yet all the pictures I've seen of them they always have big proud smiles.

Sorry, this was supposed to be about the music. blah blah blah silly me.

1. jimi hendrix - hey jo
Not an endorsement to go kill your wife, just a pretext for some wicked guitar playing.

2. bruce cockburn - deep lake
More wicked guitar playing from Canada's leading singer songwriter

3. michael palin/monty python - finland
I've been wanting to go to Finland for quite some time. This is a sign.

Finland, Finland, Finland,It's the country for me.
You're so near to Russia,So far from Japan.
Quite a long way from Cairo,Lots of miles from Vietnam.
Finland, Finland, Finland.

4. billy bragg - i don't need this pressure ron
bragg at his best

We sing of freedom
And we speak of liberation
But such chances come
But once a generation
So i'll ignore what i am sure
Were the best of your intentions
You are judged by your actions
And not by your pretensions

There is drudgery in social change
And glory for the few
And if you don't tell me what not to say
I won't tell you what not to do

5. simon & garfunkel - homeward bound
With Arties sweet harmony vocals.

But all my words come back to me in shades of mediocrity
Like emptiness in harmony I need someone to comfort me.

6. michelle shocked - blackberry blossom
What a beautiful voice & great guitar playing. Too bad she had so many problems with labels.

7. walk away renee - four tops

I don't have any regrets about lost love. You know who you are. I don't think about you nearly as much as you probably think I think about you. Assuming you think about me thinking about you. I don't really care.

8. holly mcnarland - just in me

Dirty dirty girl potty mouth.

9. mae moore - what is is

I can't say enough about Moore's songwriting.

I'll keep my peace of mind
Make love the bottom line
I've got everything I want
Ever since I found out
What it is that makes my world go 'round

Whatever it takes to keep a smile
You forget what it is after a little while
You take for granted this life we know
A few posessions all we have to show in the end

10. laura love - poor wayfaring stranger

This is a classic traditional found in many old hymnals and folk collections recorded by many. Laura Love gives it just the right touch but with a little funked up vocals.

11. skydiggers - just another day

Another love gone wrong song. This song does'nt make me think about you. You know who you are. See #7.

12. octopus's garden - beatles/ringo starr

I'll bet Lennon & McCartney would have killed each other if it were not for Ringo. Technically this form of the possessive is correct, according to Strunk & White. However when you have a noun ending in s a more natural possessive might be the garden of the octopus. Sure its not lyrical, we're just being pedantic. The sensible French translation is Le jardin d’un poulpe, but who wants to sing Beatles songs in French? You might also get away with the Octopus' Garden, but that looks funny, and 9/10 of grammar is look and feel. Ringo supposedly composed it while on vacation in Sardinia. Other accounts say he wrote it while filming the Magic Christian with Peter Sellers, which by the way was one damn funny movie. George wrote the Guitar licks. Please recommend this post

Of Course I like your hair honey...

I have outrage fatigue this morning. Its time to take a trip down memory lane and look at a few hair styles from the 80's. I have to keep up with Socialist Swine and his various pictures of mullets and moustaches.

Punker chick was kind of hot in the 80's. It was a cross between David Bowie and Annie Lennox. Eventually it became over-produced (see above) and made its way into the office world, thus losing any edginess it once had.

Technically this is the 70's hippy chick, but without the Rachel Carson regard for the environment. The amount of chemicals required to keep this circus flying was impressive. Also highly flammable. (Or, Inflammable to be more correct.) I found this out once on a date where Flaming Sambuca was among the bad choices made that night. How do they get the models to do that puppy dog look?

This is the Dr. Laura moral majority look. Extremely high maintenance and needy. Best to be avoided. Always add 45 minutes to any time she gives you. Look into those eyes, what do you see?

The late River Phoenix may have invented the original celebrity mullet. Note the carefuly grooming. If only the white trash could pay attention to detail like this. I wish River had lived. He might have prevented younger brother Joaquin from making so many bad movies.

See, straight guys can be bitchy about hair & fashion. We just have to work at it a bit. Please recommend this post

You say you want a revolution...

Please recommend this post

CPC Election Graphic #1

Please recommend this post

Liberal Campaign Graphic#1

Voters rarely get a good choice. We often have to choose the best of the worst. This poster will just show the voters that the Liberals know they are whores, but that voting for the CPC will be like voting for George Bush. I'm not sure how anyone could have voted for George Bush in 2000 without knowing that he would start a war. I knew he would and I'm not even American. So in summary, whores are better than wars.

This just might catch on. Please recommend this post

Another Survey

I feel the test had some inherent biases and the author had bad grammar.

The test did not give any weight to the idea of watching Star Trek merely because some of the chicks are hot. That might have pushed me up to an Admiral. Question: Exactly what do you think of Seven of Nine's Ass.

Sorry, I did'nt mean to be rude. I'm just saying...

Update: That should have been Seven of Nine's Ass. Possessive. Not Nines. We strive for a high level of quality. Please recommend this post

Alberta & Eugenics

Alberta is celebrating its 100th year as a Province, so naturally there is a lot of discussion around about Alberta History. Mostly its silly stuff about cowboys. It is not widely known that from 1919 until 1972 Alberta had a Eugenics law. This law allowed the Government to sterilize people without their consent if they deemed them to be inferior in some manner. This was usually applied to people (wards of the state) who had something like Down's Syndrome, but many others were sterilized also, some merely because they had low IQ's or behavioural problems.

Peter Lougheed repealed the law in 1972 when the Progressive Conservatives swept to power ending 30 or so years of Social Credit Government. In the 1990's Ralph Klein's government began paying out damages to people who had been sterilized without consent. Of course Klein's government fought long and hard not to pay anything. In the end the victims got very little in return for having their reproductive ability taken away by a government they had no means to resist.

To be fair, many governments practiced eugenics in the 1920's and 1930's but most stopped after the ideas of the eugenics movement were discredited, and the German Nazis showed the danger of this type of thinking. I've always wondered why Alberta kept up the practice into the 1970's. Probably because the Social Credit movement was anti-intellectual and anti-science. This leads to a more general question: What science is the government currently resisting or distorting that may lead to a future disaster?

For further reading, Dr. Jana Grekal, a UofA Sociology Professor did her Doctoral Research on Eugenics in Alberta. You can read about her research here. Please recommend this post

Political Compass

Take a trip over to Section15 and do the Political Compass test. And then there's a vigorous (Incoming! Duck!) discussion going on in the comments section. I wish I had a vigorous discussion going in my comments. How does one even get a vigorous discussion? Do you have to be smart?

Click on my topic title to go there...

I surprised myself:
Economic Left/Right: -5.75
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -6.67

And I live in Calgary...what the hell? Please recommend this post

Nerdicity

This survey has been floating around the web for a while. I thought i would score more nerdy but some of those science questions were tough and I could not remember my IP address. Please recommend this post

election theme song 2

Sung to the tune of Paul McCartney's Band on the Run



booted from the east block, booted out forever,
never seeing good news,
i'm blue, mama i'm blue.

(sorry, could'nt do anything with the second verse.)

well, gomery exploded with a mighty crash as we flew into the sun,
and the first one said to the second one there i hope you're having fun.
paul's on the run, paul's on the run.
and the calgary sun and david frum were sneering just for fun

for the paul on the run, paul on the run, paul on the run, paul on the run

well, their pollster drew a heavy sigh seeing nothing to be won,
and a bell was ringing in the village square for the cabinet on the run.
paul on the run, paul on the run.
and the calgary sun and david frum were sneering just for fun

for the paul on the run, paul on the run, paul on the run, paul on the run

well, the press was galling as the liberal world began to spiral down.
in the town they're searching for him every where, but he never will be found.
paul on the run, paul on the run

and the enquiry judge, who held a grudge
will search for evermore
for the paul on the run, paul on the run, paul on the run, paul on the run


Am i getting better at this? discuss among yourselves. Please recommend this post

Election Theme Song I

Sung to the tune of Paul McCartney's Hands Across the Water/Admiral Halsey


We're so sorry, justice gomery,
We're so sorry if we caused you any pain.
We're so sorry, justice gomery,
But there's no one wants to vote
i doubt i'll run again.

it's so gory but we haven't heard a thing all day,
we're so sorry, justice gomery,
but if Kinsella lays it out
you'll be sure to give a ring.

we're so sorry, justice gomery,
we haven't bribed a single soul all day.
We're so sorry, justice gomery,
an elections on the boil
were're so eas'ly swept away.

slaps across your forehead, boots placed up your ass,
slaps across your forehead, boots placed up your ass,

firewall harper notified me,
he had to have a vote or he couldn't get to sleep.
i took another poll and i had a cup of tea and a butter pie.

("couldn't put it in something else
So i pulled it in the pie, alright!")

slaps across your forehead, boots placed up your ass,
slaps across your forehead, boots placed up your ass,

lie a little, be a tory, get around,
get your ass up off the ground,
lie a little, get around.

lie a little, be a tory, get around,
get your ass up off the ground,
lie a little, get around.

slaps across your forehead, boots placed up your ass,
slaps across your forehead, boots placed up your ass,




...well it was worth a try. I'll keep working at it. Please recommend this post

my one (and only) pope story

In 1984 the Pope visited Edmonton and at the time I was working in a downtown Hotel. The Pope stayed at the Sisters of Providence facility across town so the Nuns got booted and had to stay in the Hotel where I worked, along with a whole entourage of Papal tour people which included some Swiss Guards and a couple of Cardinals one fairly obnoxious and the other quite nice.

One of the Sisters was quite old and frail and the Hotel staff took a liking to her because she was very friendly and went around every morning asking people how they were doing. One morning she stepped off the elevator and made her way across the lobby and out the front door of the Hotel. On either side of the doors were full length glass windows which had no markings on them and had just been cleaned. Instead of going through the doors she walked smack into one of the windows and bounced backwards onto her ass. A bunch of us all saw it happen and ran like crazy over to see if she was okay. The Concierge got there first and leaned over and said to her Jesus Christ! Are you okay? She was okay, but Concierge got a little talking to later that day.

The next morning the Cardinal (the decent one) was talking to a desk clerk and said ...that was something about the sister walking into the window was'nt it... (or something like that) and the desk clerk said blandly yeah...Jesus that must've hurt. I thought I was going to die right on the spot.

By the time they all left the Hotel's General Manager who was Catholic was pretty much over the edge and a lot of people had red marks on their rear ends.

Okay, the Pope was not in this story, that is true. But the Pope caused the story by dislocating the Nuns. And the story occurred with me being within 3 miles of the Pope, which is the closest I've ever been to a Pope. As far as Pope stories go its not one of the best ones. If you can do better lets hear it. Please recommend this post

Minor Changes

I've updated my links on the right hand side. I've decided not to link to heavy traffic super well known blogs like Daily Kos or Juan Cole for example, because I know you can find them on your own. I still like those sites a lot its just that the space in the right column is limited so I want to reserve it for the grassroots bloggers who might need the referrals more. Not that I think they need help - the blogs in my links section are far better than this crappy little blog. Of course Socialist Swine got himself mentioned by Howie Kurtz so he may become Alberta's Daily Kos.

I added 3 of my favourite cartoons sites so you can have a laugh or two in these dark times. Its hard hard work. I found The Dog Judo cartoon over at Daveberta. Even though I'm a Judo Purist I find it hilarious. You should know that in the real Judo world you never have to practice with people like that.

I added a link to a French translation of this site just below the Maple Leaf. This is a machine translation so it really mangles a lot of things. Try it out and let me know how the French is. (It takes a while to load and it does not translate Haloscan) Its also a FREE machine translation which means its crappier than the machine translations you can pay for.

The url to play with their translator is http://www.freetranslation.com/. They do all the Romance languages. One time wasting task is to take a phrase like "Cat On A Hot Tin Roof" and daisy chain it through all the languages, then back again to English. See what you end up with and where the translator got lost. Ok, so I don't have much of a life what's it to you. Please recommend this post

Non Coherent Papal Musings

Wednesday morning was surreal with the announcment of a new Pope. CNN Screamed out with "GERMANY'S RATZINGER IS 265TH POPE" in 30 point, a font size normally reserved for Terror Alerts or Britney Pregnancies. The annoying CBC morning program was interupted by a 20 second announcement by Michael Enright. They cut into the show with one of those high alert ding a bling a ling musical alert things. Michael Enright was almost fired from the CBC a few years ago when after he did an interview with the Globe & Mail and said the Catholic Church was the largest criminal organization in the world. He was forced to apologize and kiss the ring. So it surprised me that they hauled him out of bed to make the announcement, even if it was only for 15 seconds. Not long after that they went it to full tilt Ratzingerpalooza. The Bishop of Calgary rushed to his media outlet of choice to endorse the new Pope. I guess the Chief Inquisitor's job is open now. Let the gay bashing resume.

I'm briefly watching a bit on TV. There are a large group of Nuns in the Plaza outside the Vatican jumping up and down like they just saw the Beatles, or as my friend who is an Evil Bastard puts it, its like they just spent an hour riding their bicycles on cobbelstone roads. After what we saw last week with the 8 day funeral, maybe this should not surprise us. Is religious hysteria bipolar? A Dark night of the soul followed by a feast day?

I suppose you could take exception to the claim of being the 265th Pontiff. I believe they made every effort to correct the counting error introduced by two different Schisms in the middle ages, which is why there are two John XXIIIs. And in at least one of those schisms there was a Benedict which makes it even more complicated. Maybe he's really Bendict XV and just won't admit it.

I'm unsure about the Hitler Youth thing. The Israeli foreign minister is already baiting him on the Catholic-Jewish anti-semitism issue. As a Catholic Priest in the Nazi era surely he must recognize or know about the issue of Catholic complicity in the Holocaust. At least, he must know about the allegations against Pius XII, sometimes referred to as Hitlers' Pope. What does he think of all that? Its an issue not likely to go away anytime soon.

What does a Pope have to do to get fired? Talk about annexing Poland? Kill an Ambassador to the Vatican? And why do countries send Ambassadors to the Vatican. In Canada's case it was so the Pope could lecture the Canadian Ambassador on the evils of Gay Marriage. Should we be sending an Ambassador to the Moonies? I'm sorry, I'm confused.

Do they send out letters to the losing candidates?

Dear cardinal x,

We write to inform you regarding your application to be the next Pope. Unfortunately the position has been filled. Although your credentials were impressive the selection committee decided to go with someone who had a unique set of skills to match the needs of our client. We will keep your resume on file for future reference. Thank you for your interest.

Regards,
S. Spinoza, S.J.,
Vatican Human Resources

Whether its fair or not people judge you buy the words you use. Please try to drop a few of the following words in conversation:

papeolology
repapalization
depapalization
popelessness
neopapalschismism
papalicide
popemongering
papalissimo
papalicious
papalelleogram
poporexia


If enough of you put in the effort we can get these words in the next OED.

And before I forget, A cartoon from Mike Williams, a favourite.

Please recommend this post

The Puppy Dog Look

Finally, our long national nightmare of balanced budgets, peace, prosperity, and social tolerance is coming to an end. Please recommend this post