George's Diary

Dear Diary,

Well tomorrow I'm heading off for Canada. First we stop in Halifax on my way to see President Poutine. I'm a little worried about leaving Dick alone. Last time I went to the ranch for 3 weeks he sorta went nuts. I turn on Fox and we're in friggin Iraq. I have to thank some people in Halifax for God only knows what before we fly to Ottawa. Did they even vote for us? I'm a little scared though because we have to fly over Frenchy territory to get there. What if we have to land? I remember that science fiction movie with Kirk Russel where the President gets stuck in New York and its a big prison and Kirk Russel has to go in and save him. I'd love to be saved by Kirk Russel. He'd be wearing one of those muscle shirts with a couple of guns slung over his shoulder and all sweaty and stuff...(*Sigh*)

Anyhow I thought I was going to speak to the Canadian Parliament, but now Dick says no. You know why? They can't get me a standing ovation cause they're full of commies. I don't know why I even bother with those weenies. So I'm speaking at a private function, you know full of my kind of people.

On Tuesday night I'm going to a sleepover with Stockwell Day, Stephen Harper and David Frum. (Mental note: Don't say nothing to Poutine or Steamship guy about the sleepover, they're not invited...) I'm still mad at that Frum for bragging about inventing the "Axis of Evil" phrase. Everyone knows I thought that up. Honestly, I fire the guy and he writes a book about how great I am and how much he loves me. Is that pathetic or what. I hope Stock does'nt make us listen to his Toby Keith CD's all night. If that Harper were a girl I'd be on him like a starved dog on a meat wagon.

Where is Poutine these days anyway? They keep making me talk to that Jimmy Martin guy. He's nice and all but quite frankly I don't thinks he's in control.

I know its really sick, but I can't stop thinking about that Carolyn Parrish chick. Who knew that kind of raw hatred could be such a turn on. I've tried to get Laura to talk mean to me like that but she just won't do it. I'm hoping I can ditch Laura for a while and hook up with Parrish even if its just for a while. Maybe I could send Laura off with Billy's wife for a while or that Chinese Queen chick. (What kind of Country has a Chinese Queen.)

After I get away from Poutine I have to go meet with Stephen Harper. But I'm not meeting with those other guys Jack and Jill. (Is that a joke?) Anyway, Harper really really tires me out. He's so needy. Apologizing all the time about Canada having its own foreign policy and asking to come to the ranch. I keep sending people up there to help him get elected but it never works. Whatever.

Will write some more later. Ta.
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