Kent Austin Leaving?

I was looking at my server logs the other day and trying to figure out why there was a moderate jump in traffic. The bump consisted of people from Mississippi and Arkansas googling "Kent Austin". I figured something was up, even though there was nothing in the news here.

It turns out that the Roughriders gave permission for Austin to interview for a coaching job with the University of Mississippi which is his alma mater. The gap in the coverage between Canada and Mississippi is kind of interesting. Obviously the media down there got the story whereas we did not. I always think it is better for organizations to be proactive about potentially bad news rather than letting the media write the story for you.

If Austin does leave it will probably be awkward timing because I think most of the CFL coaching vacancies have been filled. The annual CFL Chinese fire drill is all but over.

So who would they get as a replacement? Ned Flanders Tom Higgins is the only one I can think who is available, at least as someone with senior CFL coaching experience. Having Higgins coaching the Roughriders would probably generate some profanity ridden commentary in both Calgary and Regina. It would be entertaining. These two fan bases do not like each other.

The other question is how much do you attribute the Grey Cup win to the Coaching skills of Austin? I think he is a fantastic coach and I don't think they would have won it without him. It seems strange to me that he would choose to leave after one year. Maybe there is more to the story that we know right now.

So Riders fans, if Austin leaves will it be another decade or two before you have a parade?

Aside: I previously posted a joke about Austin walking on water. I thought it was funny. But you know what they say about people who laugh at their own jokes. Please recommend this post

Vicki's Banjo Bowl Fantasy

Vicki Hall of the Edmonton Journal has a dream:

Can you imagine the spectacle of thousands of prairie folk invading downtown Toronto for Grey Cup? Could there be anything better than for the CFL? If the Labour Day series is any indication, we could see the Roughriders and Blue Bombers in Hogtown for the big game.

Yeah, that would be something. Saskatchewan and Winnipeg in the Grey Cup playing in Toronto. They've never played each other in the Grey Cup[1] and both teams go back to the 1930's.

It would create a huge political problem for the CFL, the CBC and the organizers in Toronto. Think of the panic when they realize that no one east of Kenora will tune in or care. Cue the Nick Nolte film.

It is unusual to read this kind of prediction in the Edmonton Journal of all places, but Most Esk fans have known for some time that they won't be seeing their team in Canada's number one sporting event, or even in the playoffs.

Politics and ratings issues aside, I agree with Ms. Hall that this could be one of the best Grey Cup match games ever. Who would you rather watch? Calgary and Toronto? BC and Montreal? Pffft I say.

Bring on the Banjo Bowl non-pareil! And that's exactly what we're going to call it. BBNP for short.

Notes:
[1] The Grey Cup was named after Lord Grey, an Edwardian aristocrat whose wife couldn't get the hang of washing her delicate lingerie in the hard mineral laden waters of Upper Canada. Its a fact.
[2]In 1951,1966,1969 and 1976 the Ottawa Rough Riders played the Saskatchewan Roughriders in the Grey Cup. That would have been a hoot to watch the foreign visitors scratching their heads. Please recommend this post

Kent Austin: Bigger than Jesus

So RidersFan is sitting out on the pool deck enjoying the last few days of summer, when Rider's Coach Kent Austin comes along. Being a nice guy Austin takes some time to chat with RidersFan about football and whatever. RidersFan and Coach notice a cooler of cold beer on the other side of the pool. Coach says, hey, you want me to grab you a beer? RidersFan says sure. Coach Austin then walks on the water across the pool, grabs two beers, walks back across the water, pops open both beers and hands one to RidersFan.[1]

RidersFan's jaw drops. Finally when he can talk again, he says, hey how did you do that. Easy, says Coach, the bottles have twist tops, very easy to open.

Sunday, September 9: Roughriders at Winnipeg

Prediction: Winnipeg by a few points.

You have to pick the underdog once in a while even though my prediction seems unlikely. All winning streaks must come to an end. Somebody somewhere needs to put a stop to the green surge.

Friday, September 7: Calgary at Edmonton

Ick. Don't make me watch this game. Don't make me call it. The odds are in favour of Calgary. Historically, they have a slight edge in the Labor day re-match. Also, Edmonton is demoralized and the towns folks have started calling for the head of the coach. How this helps is anyone's guess.

Bus loads of drunk Calgarians[2], who started drinking at about 2pm today, should be arriving in Edmonton right about...now.

Maciocia isn't helping either. He was muttering about making some visits to Santa Maria Goretti Church, which is near Commonwealth Stadium. No word on how long it will take to get that message through. Maybe watch a few game tapes just in case.

Update: Calgary 20 Edmonton NOT 20


Notes:
[1] Punch line ripped off from old beer commercial. Otherwise, events as described actually occurred.
[2] Rhymes with Vulgarians. Ha.
Please recommend this post

CBC Irritates Retard

Tonight at 12:30 am the CBC will be re-broadcasting the last 13 minutes of last nights thrilling football game between the Edmonton Eskimos and the Regina Rough Riders. There was a huge thunderstorm around the third quarter and the game was suspended for about an hour.

The CBC broke off coverage of the game so they could stay on schedule and show their Saturday Night Late Movie. So, to the CBC we present our first annual Dave Hodge Pencil Tosser Award of Excellence. Aside from the prestige of this award, Steve Armitage will get a free dinner for four at the Kelsey's in Sherwood Park, Alberta. (Order a day or two ahead of time if you're hungry.)

Later last night, the natives in Edmonton were not un-restless. One retard phoned 630CHED to complain that the CBC had broken away from the game, and not only that, they were showing soft core porn.

To the retard we award an important award we have not named yet, for not being able to distinguish between soft core porn and a British Indie film that won all kinds of super obscure awards.

I find it odd that someone would be upset about soft core porn after watching a bunch of grown men in tight polyester grabbing each other's packages and slapping one another on the butt. Each to his own.

Anyway, the winner of this award receives a two DVD package featuring Ingmar Bergman's Seventh Seal and a bootlegged copy of Hilda Does Bassano. Until you can offer a plausible explanation as to which one is art and which one is soft core porn you are not allowed to call any radio shows.

According to my sources the last time the Rough Riders were this successful this early in the season it was because Ron Lancaster was their QB. I have a dire warning: If the Rough Riders get anywhere near the Grey Cup a horrible rupture will occur in the Space/Time/Timbit continuum. And also the Leafs will win the Stanley Cup. Please recommend this post

Edmonton Eskimos: Pfffft

July 27, 2007
Saskatchewan Rough Riders 54
Edmonton Eskimos 14

That is a difference of approximately 40 points.

7th most widely gaping loss ever. But not the most embarrassing road trip. That occurred when they pulled the team bus over, fired the Coach and kicked him off the bus.

I called the game correctly, although i feel awestruck by the sheer voluptuousness of that score. I know how that guy felt standing on the pier in Liverpool watching the Titanic pull out and saying to his friend, you know I think there's a bit of a design flaw there....

In Calgary the Schadenfreude was flowing like beer at Oktoberfest. In Edmonton it seemed like the message coming from the Sports columnists was look a monkey smoking a cigar!

Hey, here comes the coach, lets ask him a question.

Coach Maciocia, over here in the blog, quick question sir. How many turnovers did your team make in that horrible horrible loss?



Five! Holy Mother of God in a small dark Grotto! That's a whole lot of biscuit dropping. Thankfully we're covering the CFL and not organ transplanting.

Thanks sir, and I for one would be very disappointed if they fired you this week.


And, oh yeah, Calgary lost whereas I predicted they would win. The media in Calgary is trying to push the Stampeders to trade Henry Burris for Jason Maas. Good luck with that. The media is piling on Henry Burris the same way they've piled on every single talented player the Stampeders have ever had. It will end in the predicable manner.

So far this year my predictions are 2/4. Statistically, this is exactly the same as 4 monkeys pushing one of two buttons upon being electrocuted. Please recommend this post

Alberta CFL Teams In Action

The Edmonton Eskimos are about to kick off against the Saskatchewan Rough Riders in Regina.

Prediction: The Eskimos will lose by at least one touchdown. Playing in 31 Degree heat in front of 30 thousand hostile trailer park boys will be insurmountable. They're probably peeing their pants right now.

Tonight the Calgary Stampeders will play the BC Lions.

Prediction: Is pains me to call it thus, but Calgary will win by less than a touch down.

Last week, I was 1/2. Please recommend this post

Friday Night Moral Dilemma

Friday night dilemma: to watch the Edmonton Eskimos play the Saskatchewan Rough Riders. Boooooooring. Or, to drink the last ounce or so the Dom B&B Liqueur that my neighbour gave me. Actually I gave it to my neighbour for Christmas. He drank almost all of it until his wife found out he had it. Then he gave it back to me with an ounce or two in the bottom. There must be a term for this type of thing. Post-consumptive regifting?

I don't really drink so I may top it up with water and give it to the neighbour on the other side. No, really it's supposed to be weak like that. Its the French, everything they do is understated. His wife is a hoity toity Liberal. She'll understand.

I'm picking the Eskimos over the Riders, but not by much. Less than 1 TD. It will be the Esks 15 minutes of fame this season, and then *poof*. During the Eskimos game I plan on walking around in my underwear and imitating Bryan Hall. Like you have something better to do on a Friday Night.

Tomorrow the Stampeders play the Argonauts here in Calgary. There is no amount of hooch that could get me to sit through that one. Prediction: Calgary loses causing a media firestorm of Biblical proportion. Blood bath.

How will the CFL Western Division finish up you ask?

1. BC
2. Saskatchewan
3. Edmonton
4. Calgary

I'm currently very busy setting up the equipment required to do live coverage of President Bush's Colonoscopy. Or Tom Higgins' decapitation which ever comes first. Please recommend this post