Skeptic Calls It For Stampeders

The night before the 96th Grey Cup you can practically hear a pin drop in Calgary. Actually its always like this, I just wanted to be melodramatic. I swear this town closes at 9pm on a Saturday.

Most of the predictions I've read are calling for a pretty close game and I agree. The Calgary media is trying to frame the Stampeders as undergods. Sorry, underdogs. They are not. They beat Montreal in all their meetings this year and on paper they are just as good if not better.

While I'm not a Stampeder's fan I do think they will win this one. Probably by a few points and probably on the last play of the game. A rouge if necessary, but not necessarily a rouge. Henry Burris is a great Quarterback and the fact that he has not won a Grey Cup yet is the huge monkey in the room that's flinging poop at everyone. Also I think John Hufnagel is one of the best motivating coaches ever.

I also hope the Stampeders win because if they don't the local media will go into hyper-woe-is-us mode for a good six months, and I for one don't want to be crushed under the weight of all that self-absorbed hubris. You have to live here to understand it. There really is an insufferable weight of insecurity and self-importance when it comes to sports.

Since I'm really an Edmonton Eskimos fan I'll leave you with a picture from the 1978 Grey Cup, when the Eskimos beat the Montreal Alouettes. In this picture Coach Hugh Campbell discusses the exact location of the end zone with Quarterback Tom Wilkinson. Coach Campbell is the one wearing the Cat Diesel Power® ball cap. Wilkinson looks angry because in 1978 there was no place in Edmonton to get decent carpet for under $3.00 per yard.

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Obligatory CFL Predictions

Apparently, even in Edmonton, many people are still confused about why the Eskimos are playing a playoff game in Montreal tomorrow.

The Eskimos finished fourth in the West and normally would be out of the playoffs. But no, the league has a cross-over rule.  Since Edmonton finished with more points than the third place team in the Eastern division they get their playoff spot.  Still with me?  The cross-over can work the other way too. An eastern team could have taken the third place spot in the Western division. Fortunately this will never happen because they're all crappy teams in the east.

If Edmonton beats Montreal tomorrow they'll be the Eastern Division Champions and will play in the Grey Cup.  I know how many of you Edmontonions have been hoping and praying that your team could win that coveted Eastern Division title.  If Edmonton wins tomorrow it will also virtually kill the TV viewing audience since no one east of Vegreville will watch it.  Beer and Condom sales will PLUMMET.

On paper, Montreal has a far better team, but anything can happen. I predict nothing except that it will be come down to whichever Quarterback is better.  

The Western Division final is between Calgary and the BC Lions in Calgary.  If you're a Calgary fan you've probably been listening to the media talk for 2 straight weeks about how Henry Burris has not won a playoff game in 3 years.   I'm leaning toward BC, but the only prediction I'll make is there will be an unsportsmanlike penalty called for ball grabbing.   For whatever reason these two teams have been in a ball grabbing war for as long as I can remember.  

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Weekend Sports Predictin(g)

With Calgary and Edmonton's sports teams in action this weekend I thought I would offer some predictions so you can bet appropriately.

Friday: Calgary Stampeders at Hamilton Tiger Cats

Tough call. Hamilton has only won 3 games this year. If Calgary wins they will secure first place in the West. On the one hand I'd like to see Calgary finish first so they can have their lunch eaten in the Western Final in Calgary. I like that sort of thing. On the other hand I think Hamilton can beat Calgary. That would be cool to. I think Hamilton will win.

Saturday: Edmonton Oilers at Vancouver Canucks

Oilers will win barely. It will be a dirty violent game.


Saturday: Edmonton Eskimos at Saskatchewan Roughrider

I don't really see the Eskimos winning. They will get the crossover spot in the East and make a quiet exit. Will seek new coach in off season.


Saturday: Calgary Flames at Phoenix Coyotes

Phoenix will win. Don't bet against Gretzky. Calgary media bragging about flames indicates an imminent loss.

Sunday: Sloth vs Gluttony.

Have to give this one to gluttony, but it will be close. Sloth won't go down easy. The win will set up a nice re-match between Gluttony and Lust. Please recommend this post

Kent Austin: Bigger than Jesus

So RidersFan is sitting out on the pool deck enjoying the last few days of summer, when Rider's Coach Kent Austin comes along. Being a nice guy Austin takes some time to chat with RidersFan about football and whatever. RidersFan and Coach notice a cooler of cold beer on the other side of the pool. Coach says, hey, you want me to grab you a beer? RidersFan says sure. Coach Austin then walks on the water across the pool, grabs two beers, walks back across the water, pops open both beers and hands one to RidersFan.[1]

RidersFan's jaw drops. Finally when he can talk again, he says, hey how did you do that. Easy, says Coach, the bottles have twist tops, very easy to open.

Sunday, September 9: Roughriders at Winnipeg

Prediction: Winnipeg by a few points.

You have to pick the underdog once in a while even though my prediction seems unlikely. All winning streaks must come to an end. Somebody somewhere needs to put a stop to the green surge.

Friday, September 7: Calgary at Edmonton

Ick. Don't make me watch this game. Don't make me call it. The odds are in favour of Calgary. Historically, they have a slight edge in the Labor day re-match. Also, Edmonton is demoralized and the towns folks have started calling for the head of the coach. How this helps is anyone's guess.

Bus loads of drunk Calgarians[2], who started drinking at about 2pm today, should be arriving in Edmonton right about...now.

Maciocia isn't helping either. He was muttering about making some visits to Santa Maria Goretti Church, which is near Commonwealth Stadium. No word on how long it will take to get that message through. Maybe watch a few game tapes just in case.

Update: Calgary 20 Edmonton NOT 20


Notes:
[1] Punch line ripped off from old beer commercial. Otherwise, events as described actually occurred.
[2] Rhymes with Vulgarians. Ha.
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