Edmonton Oilers Fans March Discontent

Its like this every spring for Oilers fans. After the last 2 disastrous losses the Oilers must get at least 6 points in their remaining 8 games to make the NHL playoffs. Unlikely I think.

There are 5 teams competing for the last two play-off positions. It may come down to the last game of the year. It doesn't help that the Oilers play back to back games with the Calgary Flames. The Flames have a lock on their playoff spot but they derive motivation from beating Edmonton, especially if they can knock them out.

A more likely scenario is the Oilers will be edged out by the result of games they don't even play in.

It might be better if they don't make the playoffs. They are due for a major restructoring and its probably time to try some new approaches. When you think about it, all the 80's feel good nostalgia and banner raising, as inspirational as it is, has not done a single thing to improve the on ice product. Please recommend this post

Sabres 10 Oilers 2

Worst losing score in Oilers history.

MacTavish described it as a debacle of monumental proportions. Like him or no, he has a way with words. The SS Schadenfreude sailed into Port Calgary this morning and hasn't stopped blowing its horns.

They sang the anthem, dropped the puck, and Buffalo scored in the first 10 seconds. Not a good sign. I left after the first goal and got to the gym 15 minutes later and it was 5-1.

In the last 5 minutes of the game the Oilers fans were on their feet cheering for the Sabres.

The Oilers play Minnesota on Friday night. Please recommend this post

Oilers Trade Extra Goaltender For Goaltender

The Edmonton Oilers have traded goaltender Mathieu Garon to the Pittsburgh Penguins for centre Ryan Stone, goaltender Dany Sabourin , a fourth round pick in 2011, a strip mall in Bassano , 19 Facebook friends, a llama, some class B Nortel Shares, half a bottle of Sambuca, 10 tickets to an yet to be announced Toby Keith concert and a red turtleneck.

I haven't figured out what the goaltender depth chart will look like now, I suspect they'll make the two not-Dwaynes fight it out for #2. Ryan Stone was born in Calgary, drafted in 2003 and has played 8 NHL games with 1 point. The fourth round pick is a faceless hard nosed cipher who will change the game of hockey forever.

MacTavish just held a press conference and said the trade was unlikely to affect the current line up. Oilers fans better hope Roloson stays healthy and competitive. Please recommend this post

Mac T Up In the Air

Last night (Monday) the Edmonton Oilers got on a plane for a three game road trip out east. Once the plane got airborne (is that a word?) Coach Craig MacTavish pretended he was the Prime Minister on an election tour and came to the back of the plane to talk with reporters. Near the toilet.

The Oilers are in deep trouble and rumors are swirling about all kinds of changes upcoming. It is known that Pat Quinn has talked with at least 3 NHL teams about a head coaching job. My pure speculation is these three teams are Ottawa, Pittsburgh and Edmonton. I have no idea if the Oilers would hire Quinn, but nothing would surprise.

Also before leaving for the trip the Oilers recalled their 3rd Goaltender Jeff Drouin-Deslauriers from the Junior team. This seemed rather odd to me to recall a goalie just for a 3 game road trip. Especially since the coach told reporters he likely won't be played. Conspiracy minded people will say the Oilers are working on a goalie trade while out east. Possibly. Lets throw that rumor around shall we?

Also the Oilers left behind Robert Nillson from the road trip for undisclosed reasons. Again, you conspiracy theorists need to work this one over. Later, Nilsson was added to the injury list with a mild concussion. Probably caused by repeatedly banging his head against expectations. In a post game several weeks ago MacTavish said he had seen enough and had enough of Nillson.

All the reporters in the scrum posed interesting questions, but MacTavish is very good at talking to the media and not answering questions. One of the pro-violence reporters from 630Ched wanted to know when Steve MacIntyre would be fighting next.

Unless something really changes, I doubt they'll make the playoffs. As a long time fan I hope they make some changes. Please recommend this post

Chicago 9 Oilers 2

The Edmonton Oilers lost to the Chicago Black Hawks 9-2 tonight in a close, tightly fought battle that went back and forth right up until the final nerve racking minutes.

We're about to tune into Coach MacTavish' post game comments. Now would be a good time to put on your asbestos coveralls and a welding mask.

Video no longer available.

Wow, he was surprisingly mellow. I though he was going to cry. He reminded me a bit of Michael Keaton in that movie about the dead snowman. Help me out here...

Maybe MacTavish should be our finance minister.

Chicago got goals from dudes they didn't even know were on their roster. They had pucks go in the net off angles that would have baffled Werner von Braun.

Marc Pouliot's goal with 5 minutes left in the final period made it 9-2 and made it interesting going down to the final whistle.

Edmonton plays the Vancouver Canucks tomorrow night in Vancouver.

Question: If, God forbid, the Oilers' bus to the airport got stuck in under a huge pile of snow, and they had to survive through cannabilism, who do you think they would eat first? Please recommend this post

Oilers 3 Sharks 2 (OT)

Globe & Mail:

SAN JOSE, Calif. — Dwayne Roloson is still the San Jose Sharks' most improbable nemesis.

Edmonton's 39-year-old goalie made 41 saves in his latest jaw-dropping effort against San Jose, and the NHL-leading Sharks' nine-game winning streak ended on Kyle Brodziak's goal 2:40 into overtime in the Oilers' 3-2 victory Saturday night.

During the last five minutes of the game and through the overtime the Sharks threw everything they had at Dwayne Roloson. Roloson responded to the NHL's greatest coalition of offensive might by proroguing the red light. No sloppy seconds on any of those shots.

Roloson is fighting for a job, either with the Oilers, or with another team they might trade him to. The Oilers have 3 goaltenders which is unusual, and one will certainly be traded in the next couple of months.

As a result of the win the Oilers have vaulted themselves into either 7th or 8th place. Vaulted. Hard to say where the end point of that lob will be.

The game was not without controversy as the Catholic League threatened to boycott the San Jose sharks. The threat was averted after goal-tender Evgeni Nabokov clarified he was not the author of the controversial novel Lolita. The controversy erupted again when Nabokov speculated that he could write something like that if he wanted. Please recommend this post

Sean Avery: Classless Buffoon

The Dallas Stars are playing the Calgary Flames tonight in Calgary. After an afternoon skate Dallas player Sean Avery sought out a camera and a microphone (Thanks TSN) and said some nasty things about Flames Dion Phaneuf who is now dating Avery's ex girlfriend Elish Cuthbert. In related news the United Nations continued debating its contentious run on sentence treaty. It would not be unreasonable to assume that Cuthbert dumped Avery. Who could blame her?

(If you think that plot line is complicated try following our Federal Parliament.)

I won't repeat what Avery said because it is gratuitous and for anything this sleazy and attention seeking our go to guy is Eric Duhatschek. That's his oeuvre after all.

The NHL immediately suspended Avery indefinitely for conduct unbecoming to the league. The League is right to continue to uphold their incredibly high moral standards.

You probably just think I'm mad because when the Oilers played Dallas on Sunday Mike Modano scored his 1300th career goal sinking the Oilers late in the 3rd period. How many times has that happened? Yes, I'm angry about that. And what were the Edmonton coaches doing scrapping with a fan at the end of the game? Its like a bizarro universe for those poor Oilers.

But back to my original point, I don't care who you are, you don't say bad things about your ex-girlfriends. Why does the world of hockey seem to have such a hard time respecting women?

Update: I should have mentioned I don't have any Elisha Cuthbert pictures on this site. Sorry. Please recommend this post

Wives of Alberta: Heads Up

With the Edmonton Eskimos, Calgary Flames and Edmonton Oilers all playing tonight the beautiful women of Alberta will probably be on their own.

Not only that, apparently there's a big Promise Keepers rally on that weird channel. This could turn out to be a most joyless and possible primitive evening.

My advice would be to get a nice bottle of wine, dress up all Sarah Palin and head out with some friends. Ok maybe leave out the Sarah Palin thing. I don't even know why I would say such a thing.

Have a good night, and remember, this is one of those nights when you can do absolutely anything you want and it won't even remotely be noticed. Please recommend this post

Weekend Sports Predictin(g)

With Calgary and Edmonton's sports teams in action this weekend I thought I would offer some predictions so you can bet appropriately.

Friday: Calgary Stampeders at Hamilton Tiger Cats

Tough call. Hamilton has only won 3 games this year. If Calgary wins they will secure first place in the West. On the one hand I'd like to see Calgary finish first so they can have their lunch eaten in the Western Final in Calgary. I like that sort of thing. On the other hand I think Hamilton can beat Calgary. That would be cool to. I think Hamilton will win.

Saturday: Edmonton Oilers at Vancouver Canucks

Oilers will win barely. It will be a dirty violent game.


Saturday: Edmonton Eskimos at Saskatchewan Roughrider

I don't really see the Eskimos winning. They will get the crossover spot in the East and make a quiet exit. Will seek new coach in off season.


Saturday: Calgary Flames at Phoenix Coyotes

Phoenix will win. Don't bet against Gretzky. Calgary media bragging about flames indicates an imminent loss.

Sunday: Sloth vs Gluttony.

Have to give this one to gluttony, but it will be close. Sloth won't go down easy. The win will set up a nice re-match between Gluttony and Lust. Please recommend this post

Oilers: Three Points Out

If you're an Edmonton Oilers fan don't cry in your beer just yet.

In my previous post on the Oilers Playoff hopes, which I considered slim, I noted that the Oilers would probably require 95 points to make the playoffs.

The cutoff of 95 points was a reasonable estimation. Last year the Calgary flames finished in the 8th playoff spot with 96 points. The year before that it was the Edmonton Oilers with 95 points. But this year I'm not sure it will be that high.

As of today the Oilers do not have enough available points left to reach 95 points, and anyway they probably won't win all of their remaining games.

However, they are 3 points back of the final playoff spot with six games remaining. They could finish as high as 93 points, and they could still finish as high as 6th place.

Behold, the standings:



The shaded column is the number of points.


The bottom 3 playoff spots (6,7,8) could be won by any one of the six teams in positions 6 through 11.

But its really really a long shot for the Oilers I think.

If the Oilers did finish in 8th spot they would play the Detroit Red Wings in the first round of the playoffs.

Detroit fans are probably already becoming incontinent at the thought of playing a high flying team of devil-may-care rookies. Please recommend this post

Oilers vs Canucks

Saturday Night - Edmonton Oilers vs. Vancouver Canucks.

Who are you picking?

I don't want to make any predictions because it usually jinxes the Oilers. But, Oilers are playing good now and Canucks are not.

I'm willing to make small wagers with anyone. We could bet little children. But they would have to be young enough so that they would never know they were won in a bet.

And now the Oilers are required to win 78% of their remaining points to make the playoffs. This is a slight improvement but still no realistic.


Update: Canucks 4 Oilers 2. This puts the Oilers magic win ratio at .818 to make the playoffs. Those Sedin twins are such (insert word that Jane Fonda used). Please recommend this post

Oilers Playoff Hopes or Neurotic Math

Its the middle of February. Its the time of year Edmonton Oilers fans start working themselves into a frenzy about whether the team will make the playoffs or not.

With Horkoff, Torres and Souray all out for the rest of the year, the odds are not good for a playoff spot.

And then there's the math. They did the math on the Radio the other morning and assumed that the cutoff for making the playoffs would be a minimum of 95 points. I think it will be higher this year because of overall improvement of the teams in the conference. Maybe this year you will need 100 points.

But for sake of argument, if the cutoff is 95 points, and the oilers have 24 games remaining, they will need to get 80% of the remaining potential points. Of course this ratio changes on a day to day basis. If they go on a winning streak, they might get within reach.

The Oilers do have one incentive to finish as high as possible. The lower they finish the higher their draft pick, but its a pick which goes to Anaheim. This is because of the terms of the Penner trade and the free agency of Teemu Selanne's moustache.

Daryl Katz will have some difficult decisions to make this summer about management and general top level strategy. Most Oilers fans live in kind of a bubble, they don't really think anything is wrong with the coaching or the management. Katz has a different business philosophy than the EIG, and will be able to make decisions much easier and quicker. I think next year results will be much more important. Please recommend this post

Grammar Fussing

I'm obsessing again over grammar, spelling and general style. Hardly a day goes by when I don't spit some coffee at my monitor while reading something poorly formed. And it's not just bloggers, the MSM can quite easily use their thick style manuals as door stops as well. Listening to the Radio can be a hoot as well, especially at night when they put the B teams on.

Before I go any farther I should admit that I'm just as bad, given half a chance.

So here are my latest requests of things that you cease and desist in:

1. Use of the phrase in point of fact. This is meaningless chin dribbling gibberish. Stop it.

2. Use of then instead of than. Amy has bigger hair then Jenna.

3. Use of going forward. The other night the Edmonton Oilers won a hockey game in regulation for the first time in ages. After the game a reporter asked a player in a locker room scrum: ...how important is it to continue this kind of play going forward..." What a stupid question to begin with. What are you supposed to answer, well going forward we kind of want to lose a lot... Going forward, presumably in time, is sort of a basic assumption of reality that need not be constantly re-affirmed.

4. People who say or write ANN Rand instead of Ayn Rand. You're a pretty incompetent libertarian if you don't know her name. There probably is an Ann Rand somewhere. Pity her. Think of the hate mail.

5. Never start off an explanation with I personally believe. If you are using this phrase you are in semi-lucid companionship with Miss Teen USA South Carolina. You will need a good map to find your way out of that quagmire. Unless you use this phrase we will have to assume that you don't believe what you are saying.

6. Stop using any word that ends in ess, trix or ette. Poetess, Authoress, Seductress, Dominatrix. One of the charming things about French is that the gender of a noun has no connection whatsoever with its meaning. You should always keep people guessing when it comes to gender. Words that have fancy-smancy gender endings, especially of the feminizing kind, are hereby declared poor style.

7. Overuse of LOL. If you LOL me one more time I'm going to come over there and KYA. Besides, I know you're just being polite. I'm not all that funny.What would it take to have a kind of an internet counter-insurgency to get rid of the use of LOL? Who's with me?

8. Use of through instead of done. Through is mostly a preposition and is abused this way. Correct usage: I tried to walk through the glass wall at Second Cup instead of using the door. Therefore I'm done with them. I'm through with you should be I'm done with you. Writers make it worse by writing the homophonic[2]version: I'm threw with you, or the non-existant I'm thru with you, Or the IM version, Im thr w u which makes you look illiterate. By the way, its a mean thing to say to someone who probably loved you a lot.

9. Avoid use of the words literal or literally. As Ambrose Bierce[1] observed, they are

Often incorrectly used in support of exaggeration or violent metaphor."

Metaphors should never be violent. Not even uppity. Avoid phrases like Stephen Harper literally kicked the chair across the room. Even if it is true.

10. Irrelevant adjectives are distracting. According to the NHL web site,

Twenty years ago Ron Hextall became the first NHL goalie to physically score a goal."

The reader is tempted to believe that prior to this accomplishment all NHL goalies scored goals metaphysically or in some ethereal non-physical way.

I have more but I think I'll stop now in the interest of public safety.

[1] Ambrose Pierce appears courtesy of the A Little Blacklist of Literary Faults freely available at the Gutenburg Project. [2]A homophone is a word that sounds the same as another word but has a different meaning. People who use homophones are called homophonics, and are part of an agressive militant agenda.


Update: Reposted 11-Jan-2008 09:00 am MST. Original time stamp was incorrect.
Update: Fixed typo: it's not its. How embarassing. Please recommend this post

Pope Big Oilers Fan

ring...ring...ring...click...This is big Pope B. I'm not at the Vatican right now because I'm out at the Drake. Just finished watching the Oilers lose. If this is a Cardinal or a Bishop come on out. If this is a member of the one true faith come on out. If this is Matty, Barby, Willy, Judy, Jenny or Sven, I know you're not Catholics, but come on out. If this is Mel Gibson, come on out but you have to shut up. If this is Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins or Philip Pullman come on out but you guys have to wear skirts. Please recommend this post

Edmonton Oilers For Sale?

A local Edmonton billionare is trying to purchase the Edmonton Oilers, according to both TSN and The Edmonton Journal. Daryl Katz tried to purchase the team several months ago but the Edmonton Investors Group did not vote on the offer because the Board did not consider the team up for sale.

The ownership structure in Edmonton is quite different than in many other NHL cities. The Edmonton Investors Group has about 7700 voting shares distributed unevenly among around 30-35 investors. A small board of directors runs the day to day operations of the group. Since forming there have been some natural conflicts and politics and I suspect Katz is succeeding in dividing the shareholders into factions.

According to the Journal, the share holders will vote on the offer in August. A two thirds majority would be required for the sale to be approved. But, I would be cautious about believing anything you read about the Oilers in the Journal.

This is the third time that Katz has made an offer. The previous offers were in the $155m dollar range. The current offer is $175m, along with a hint that he might build a new arena. The Oilers facility is in rapid decline and like the Saddledome will need to be replaced sooner than later. I think the offer is well over the market value, but whats 25m give or take. I wonder why Katz is so desperate to own the team.

The offer was made directly to the share holders rather than to the Board of directors because the Board is not interested in selling. It is clearly an attempt to leverage the dissatisfaction of some of the share holders with regards to the way the team is being run.

I'm not really clear if this strategy will work or not, and it is anyone's guess whether the shareholders will vote to sell. It is possible the Board of Directors has some kind of strategy that could prevent the sale. Perhaps a corporate version of the neutral zone trap.

I'm just guessing, but I think most Oiler fans would prefer group ownership rather than one billionare owner. The memories of Peter Pocklington very nearly killing or relocating the Oilers is still fresh in everyone's mind.

Maybe if they sell they can bring in a fresh management team into the front office, but don't get me started on that topic. This controversy is the last thing the Oilers need heading into the next season with a questionable team and a fragile morale.

In unrelated Oilers news, family members and at least one complete stranger are recommending that I toss out my Oilers shirt, pictured below:



I refuse. Some clothing is sacred regardless of having holes or tears. My Mother suggests that she did'nt bring me up to wear stuff like that. I didn't have a comeback so I told her my sister was checking into rehab. Please recommend this post