Google Semantics Never Disappoint

Most websites use some type of software to analyze their traffic. I use the free version of sitemeter which gives me as much info as I need for now. There are days when it does'nt work very well because the technology on their end is maxed out or having outages. Also, I don't get any info if the visitor has Javascript turned off. But who can blame someone for turning off Javascript? But, like I said my site meter is free. Its sort of like a girlfriend/wife thing. If you don't buy the cow you can only have a bit of milk and no cream.

One of my favourite reports is seeing how visitors were directed (or misdirected) to the site. Sometimes they hit the site directly through a bookmark or by just typing in the url. Sometimes they come in from a link on another blogger's site. Frequently they are directed through the absolute madness of a search engine like Google. Yes, people type in various keywords or phrases and end up right here. From what I've been reading there is a low correlation between what they are looking for and the actual content.

We Canadians are mostly known for our meekness and our tendency to apologize. If you put 3 Canadians in a room and one of them farts the two non-farters will apologize for being present and making the farter feel uncomfortable. Its true. If you have the same scenario but with Americans one person will get sued and two others will never have children. In truth, I think Canadians' constantly apologizing is annoying and possibly pathological.

As a Canadian I feel I ought to be apologizing to people for the fact that Google is very poor with semantics and meta-data. It is impossible for Google to know about context or the varying meanings of a particular word. Supposedly the web is getting smarter with better emerging standards for information tagging.

Here are samples of some key word searches that people used to find this site in the last week:

sherwood park alberta sluts
daryl katz wife
chads pants
new arena in edmonton sketch drawing
edmonton oilers kates purchasing
"mark kingwell" pretentious
nose hill park gay
analysis of birth movie - nicole kidman
bill bixby provides photo that proves elvis is alive
watch movies alone, or don't watch them
insemination proces women videoclip
bush colonoscopy (multiple hits)
shame on me

I didn't include the searches regarding very very very dirty subject matters. Do other bloggers get search hits from people looking for very very very dirty filthy subject matters?

I've decided for this reason to strenuously avoid the use of the word slut in any blog post. So no more discussions of the Blacks. Please recommend this post

Alberta CFL Teams In Action

The Edmonton Eskimos are about to kick off against the Saskatchewan Rough Riders in Regina.

Prediction: The Eskimos will lose by at least one touchdown. Playing in 31 Degree heat in front of 30 thousand hostile trailer park boys will be insurmountable. They're probably peeing their pants right now.

Tonight the Calgary Stampeders will play the BC Lions.

Prediction: Is pains me to call it thus, but Calgary will win by less than a touch down.

Last week, I was 1/2. Please recommend this post

Stupid News Story (Blogging Cliche)

I often wonder how couples make decisions about their everyday busy lives.

Earlier that morning...

She: Honey, I'm dropping the baby off at gran and gramps this afternoon.
He: Really...
She: What? Whats wrong?
He: Sweets, your parents are imbeciles.
She: Don't talk about my parents like that. Anyway I told you I was going to check out that Pilates class.
He: Pilates? Wasn't he the guy who killed Jesus?
She: Damn you're stupid. Anyway, this dialog has gotten way off track and that blogger is glaring at us because he wants to finish his story.

Thanks folks. So anyway, the gran and gramps get this idea to put the one year old out on the deck...

Gran: I'm going to put little mr poopy pants out on the deck to air out a bit.
Gramps: Don't we have rattle snakes around here?
Gran: Um, yeah. But we also have a Chihuahua.
Gramps: Yes. I forgot. Did you take all your meds today?
Gran: Sweets I think that blogger fellow wants to continue on with the rest of his story.
Gramps: Well he looks mighty queer to me.
Gran: Shush he can hear you.

Thanks folks. Anyhow, the baby is just sitting there and a rattle snake shows up and gets all offensive based on some pretty predictable if not obscure evolutionary mechanisms.

The Chihuahua saves the baby by leaping in front the striking snake and taking one for the team. The dog nearly dies but pulls through courageously. Unfortunately, given the dogs brain size and inadequate memory he'll probably try the same thing next week.

Meanwhile, intelligent design takes a major hit. God shuffles his feet realizing that the snake took several billion years to evolve to the point where it could efficiently kill a toddler but doesn't really knows why.

This is not a very funny story if you're a parent (or a dog) but you have to admit it is pretty funny the way the media is turning the dog into a hero rather than calling child welfare services. After an extensive investigation it was determined that the Grand Parents had all the right bumper stickers.

Chihuahuas have very very tiny brains. They don't play chess. Its likely that the dog's response was based on something as equally primitive and screwed up as the snakes need to rid the neighborhood of babies. Attributing courage to the dog is like...well I don't even have a simile because it is so stupid.

Thus, the dog will need to find someone on its vacancy level to help tell its side of the story. Welcome to Larry King Live, I'm here with a very brave little dog...

Had the dog any degree of evolved intelligence whatsoever it would have looked at the situation and thought, you know what, I think I'll just let you two work this out..

And don't send me any stories of your dog dialing 911 that time when you had too many Red Bulls. When Timmy fell down the Well and the Dog started barking, that was a TV show. In real life the dog would have just sat there and licked his balls.

For leaving your grandson alone with a Rattle Snake, defended only by the least evolved breed of dogs ever you win the Five Of Five Feculant Thumb Award. Please recommend this post

The Decal War of Convenience - Part 1

This evening Calgary City council voted down a proposal to place Support Our Troops decals on city vehicles. The vote was 11-4.

I thought about it last week and decided that I was opposed to the proposal for a number of reasons. While I was pleased that they were sensible enough to see through this pro-war nonsense, at the same time it is unfortunate that the debate and its tone can end up sending the wrong message.

Support Our Troops is a political slogan invented by the Republicans in the United States and co-opted by Canadian Conservatives not long after Canada's New Government was elected.

Like all political language, as George Orwell pointed out, the meaning is not literal. Support Our Troops is a euphemism for supporting Mr. Harper and his pro-warfare policies. Deceptive language is used to confuse people and get them to buy into things without having to explain all the details.

This type of political language is also intended to divide people into good vs. evil factions, based on a delusional sense of self-righteousness. If you don't agree with the slogan, you will likely end up being accused of many things. We know from the American experience with the Iraq war that people who did not support the war were accused of bizarre things, such as supporting terrorism. To me this is a reprehensible thing to do to a fellow citizen.

I think you would have a hard time finding a Canadian who does not believe in the literal premise of supporting the troops. What does supporting our troops literally mean when you strip away the brain dead jingoism.

In my opinion, it means:

1. Providing them with the skills and equipment they need to do their jobs safely.
2. Providing them with a proper salary so their families don't have to live in rat traps or use food banks.
3. Support their families while they are on mission.
4. If a soldier should be killed in action provide proper death benefits.
5. Providing proper health care to injured soldiers.
6. Providing proper pensions and health care to veterans. Don't make an 80 year old spend years in court suing the Government for an entitlement.
7. Not putting soldiers in harms way merely because you as a politician believe in an outdated notion of the glory of war, or because you think an agressive war posture will get you more votes.

You could easily argue that our Government has failed on any number of the above requirements. And you could also argue that pushing decals with slogans does nothing to actually help the troops.

The City Council's compromise was to allow the sale of the decals in City Of Calgary facilites. And yes, I know that the proceeds of those sales go to a well know charity that helps military families. And yes, I agree with this compromise.

However, I'd like Canada's New Government to explain why military families have to be supported by private charity while Mr Harper's supporters and the frat-boy tabloids lecture the rest of us with bumper sticker slogans. Apparently they don't support the troops, at least not literally.

It seems ironic that many of our war dead gave their lives because of a threat to our basic freedoms, the most basic of which is the freedom of opinion. Something to think about the next time the Calgary Sun tells us all how we have to think about our troops and Harpers war. Please recommend this post

Friday Night Moral Dilemma

Friday night dilemma: to watch the Edmonton Eskimos play the Saskatchewan Rough Riders. Boooooooring. Or, to drink the last ounce or so the Dom B&B Liqueur that my neighbour gave me. Actually I gave it to my neighbour for Christmas. He drank almost all of it until his wife found out he had it. Then he gave it back to me with an ounce or two in the bottom. There must be a term for this type of thing. Post-consumptive regifting?

I don't really drink so I may top it up with water and give it to the neighbour on the other side. No, really it's supposed to be weak like that. Its the French, everything they do is understated. His wife is a hoity toity Liberal. She'll understand.

I'm picking the Eskimos over the Riders, but not by much. Less than 1 TD. It will be the Esks 15 minutes of fame this season, and then *poof*. During the Eskimos game I plan on walking around in my underwear and imitating Bryan Hall. Like you have something better to do on a Friday Night.

Tomorrow the Stampeders play the Argonauts here in Calgary. There is no amount of hooch that could get me to sit through that one. Prediction: Calgary loses causing a media firestorm of Biblical proportion. Blood bath.

How will the CFL Western Division finish up you ask?

1. BC
2. Saskatchewan
3. Edmonton
4. Calgary

I'm currently very busy setting up the equipment required to do live coverage of President Bush's Colonoscopy. Or Tom Higgins' decapitation which ever comes first. Please recommend this post

Future Cabinet Minister

The AP is having a particularly slow day:

MENOMONIE, Wis. (AP) - Debbie Hulleman's pet dog Pepper likes to chew things.

She's gnawed on lipstick canisters, shampoo bottles, ball point pens, toothpaste and now the list includes nearly US$750 in cash - gobbled right down.

Usually you need an MBA in order to turn cash into dog shit.

Its a stupid story, but wholly redeemed by my excellent punch line.

And yes, the story goes on to explain how they recovered the money in the back yard. Sorry to spoil. Please recommend this post

Edmonton Oilers For Sale?

A local Edmonton billionare is trying to purchase the Edmonton Oilers, according to both TSN and The Edmonton Journal. Daryl Katz tried to purchase the team several months ago but the Edmonton Investors Group did not vote on the offer because the Board did not consider the team up for sale.

The ownership structure in Edmonton is quite different than in many other NHL cities. The Edmonton Investors Group has about 7700 voting shares distributed unevenly among around 30-35 investors. A small board of directors runs the day to day operations of the group. Since forming there have been some natural conflicts and politics and I suspect Katz is succeeding in dividing the shareholders into factions.

According to the Journal, the share holders will vote on the offer in August. A two thirds majority would be required for the sale to be approved. But, I would be cautious about believing anything you read about the Oilers in the Journal.

This is the third time that Katz has made an offer. The previous offers were in the $155m dollar range. The current offer is $175m, along with a hint that he might build a new arena. The Oilers facility is in rapid decline and like the Saddledome will need to be replaced sooner than later. I think the offer is well over the market value, but whats 25m give or take. I wonder why Katz is so desperate to own the team.

The offer was made directly to the share holders rather than to the Board of directors because the Board is not interested in selling. It is clearly an attempt to leverage the dissatisfaction of some of the share holders with regards to the way the team is being run.

I'm not really clear if this strategy will work or not, and it is anyone's guess whether the shareholders will vote to sell. It is possible the Board of Directors has some kind of strategy that could prevent the sale. Perhaps a corporate version of the neutral zone trap.

I'm just guessing, but I think most Oiler fans would prefer group ownership rather than one billionare owner. The memories of Peter Pocklington very nearly killing or relocating the Oilers is still fresh in everyone's mind.

Maybe if they sell they can bring in a fresh management team into the front office, but don't get me started on that topic. This controversy is the last thing the Oilers need heading into the next season with a questionable team and a fragile morale.

In unrelated Oilers news, family members and at least one complete stranger are recommending that I toss out my Oilers shirt, pictured below:



I refuse. Some clothing is sacred regardless of having holes or tears. My Mother suggests that she did'nt bring me up to wear stuff like that. I didn't have a comeback so I told her my sister was checking into rehab. Please recommend this post

New Music Acquired

I have it in my my greasy palms right now:

Its so sweet to listen to. I'm sweating and grabbing my collar a lot, like Rodney Dangerfield. Please recommend this post

Always Watch Movies Alone

We sent J to the video store to pick up a movie or two. She came back with The Painted Veil starring Naomi Watts and Edward Norton and For Your Consideration starring Catherine O'Hara, Eugene Levi, Harry Shearer and the rest of the Christopher Guest repertory.

For Your Consideration is the latest in a series of unrelated mockumentary style movies, including Waiting for Guffman, Best in Show and A Mighty Wind.

I think I had suggested we wait for the teenager to come home from her "job" and then send her to the video store. The last time she went we ended up with The Exorcist and John Carpenter's Prince of Darkness. Satan was the butt of all jokes for the remainder of the weekend. Which is probably why I tripped and fell on the pavement scraping my knees and elbows.

In the other room, for some reason Clam Bake was playing on the computer but no one was watching. One definition of mental illness is wishing Elvis had stuck to music instead of acting in B-Movies, while at the same time wishing Elvis had stuck to acting in B-Movies instead of making music. Just so you know, an Elvis movie playing on a computer is not a high point in Computer Science.

There was only one baked Clam in that movie: Shelley Fabares. She had two #1 hits in the early 60's. I'll bet you can't name them. I can't. The Clam Bake plot was lifted right out of Shakespeare. A rich dude wonders if chicks will like him if he's just an ordinary guy. So he trades identities with another dude, played by Bill Bixby. The sad thing about Bill Bixby, aside from dying from Cancer long before his time, was the fact that right up until his death he believed that Elvis Presley was alive. Clam Bake also has an unintelligle sub-plot involving Shriners and weird pajamas. The moral of the story is: artists who suck in one genre have a reasonably good chance of successfully sucking in another genre.

What would have been really cool is if they made the Exorcist a musical, starring Elvis Presley as a singing Priest. Singing, dancing, singing, exorcising. Speedboats...By merging the plots of Clam Bake and the Exorcist you could have made one decent movie. I'm still waiting to be discovered as a writer/producer.

Painted Veil went into the player first and after about ten minutes it was replaced with For Your Consideration due to heckling. The Painted Veil was still playing its opening credits 10 minutes in. It was moving slower than a Calgary Stampede Chuckwagon race horse death investigation. Later when reading the IMDB screech about Painted Veil one could not but notice that the credits had twenty different child actors cited as "Singing Orphan". If things get so bad in a movie that you have to pull out the singing orphans you mights as well get Elvis baking clams.

For Your Consideration was funny, but not as funny as the three previous movies in the series. Best in Show was one of the funniest movies I've seen in a long time. Not everyone likes this type of humor because it is subtle and understated. Fairly black and sarcastic. By black humour I mean humour that makes fun of the tragedy of life, and not cheap shot humor about Bidets.

For Your Consideration also lifted a thing or two from Shakespeare. The idea of making a movie about people making a movie is self-mockery at its best. Shakespeare frequently mocked actors and writers by having plays within the play. Rumor is that Eugene Levi and Christopher Guest don't want to make another Mockumentary. Perhaps the schtick has run its course. Even if they stop now they'll have four very funny movies. Please recommend this post

Thursday Night Mr. Cranky Pants

A Calgary couple will not have their case heard at the Supreme Court of Canada. The woman became pregnant through artificial insemination. The male partner did not want to raise or pay for a child so they came up with this idea that they would sign a contract releasing the male partner from all parental responsibilities. The Alberta Court of Appeal ruled they could not do that in light of Alberta's Family law.

The reasoning of the various courts centre on the simple idea that if the man and woman are living together in a common law relationship, then there is a reasonable expectation that they will both assume responsibility for the child's well being. As it is can you imagine what it would be like to be that child as you grow up, finding out that your mother's partner did not want to be your father. I would play dumb for a few years then one day just out of the blue let him have it right in the balls. Then I'd hire Eddy Greenspan.

Regardless, such a contract would likely never ever be enforceable. What's the big deal anyway. You live in this house in this relationship, take care of the damn baby.

I don't know what people are thinking when they come up with this stuff. I would bet that they have a typed up written agenda before they make out. Do not get me started down that parody road.

I have no interest in what James Dobson, Dr. Laura or the Federal Conservative caucus thinks about this issue - they can all go suck a big fat pickled egg. My crankiness about this story is based purely on common sense, secular humanism, perhaps even the theory of evolution.

Years from now the amorphous blob of a non-parent will be lying on the floor stroking out. He'll drool out something about calling 911. An insouciant teenager will reply that unfortunately legal agreements prevent him from participating in emergency interventions for non-family members. The Beatles Love,Love,Love will be blaring on the radio in the background. It will be like the last episode of the Sopranos. Sort of a weird ambiguous ending with shady looking men milling clutching legal pads.

Only in Calgary. Please recommend this post

One More Crumb

Please recommend this post

Lord Black, Toilets and Sluts

I have payed little attention to Lord Black's trial. It does not really interest me that much. I don't feel sorry for David Radler, the board, or the Hollinger Shareholders. And honestly, I have no idea if Black is guilty of any crime. I commented to a friend that I hoped he would get a fair trial and my friend said, F* that, I hope he goes down. I replied that our system can only really work if even the most obnoxious creeps among us can be treated fairly. He stared dully at me and said why? I replied that because otherwise stupid people like you will end up in jail for something you didn't do. He didn't like that much.

Anyway, two things in the trial caught my attention:

Exhibit A:

One day, while riding the court house elevator Barbara Amiel-Black called several members of the press sluts. Presumably she was angry that the media was writing about the husband and his woes in a manner she disapproved of. Its always the same with self-adoring people. Everyone is out to get them because of envy (which I would remind you is also a Cardinal Sin). It is sad to realize that someone is too dumb to realize that their childish outburst is really a self-condemnation.

When you think about it, twenty or so years of Amiel's dark yellow journalism can be summed up in that one outburst. Every single column could be summed up: you are all sluts.

I can't think of one pleasant idea that emanated from that mass of slimy semi-gelatinous overcooked ichiban-noodlish mush that was planted between her ears by some malevolent alien force...(editor: woah dude, over.the.top) A journalist who has always been noticeably lacking in any kind of class, kindness or logic, now calls her peers sluts and expects empathy.

Exhibit B:

The prosecution brought up the fact that Black's New York condo, payed for by the Corporation, was noted to have a bidet. This fact is fairly pointless. It is not illegal to own a bidet or for a corporation to purchase a bidet for its Chief Executive. The mention of the bidet was probably intended to reinforce the idea that his highness is not one of us and needs to be brought down. How better to do that than to reference exotic European toilet habits. The hard working people of Chicago would no doubt look down on a man who dresses up as a toy soldier and squats over a porcelain ass sprinkler. In shorthand: hey look, a Frenchman.

If I could have one present for my birthday, it would be this: the CBC interviews Henry Kissinger and asks him how buying Lord Black a bidet made Hollinger Shares worth more. But alas, Dr. K. apparently won't do any more interviews with the CBC because they kept asking him whether he is a war criminal.

I actually think the jury people will see through the bidet shame and ignore it. But if they don't I won't cry. It would be sad if our toilet gadgets became one more thing to divide is into factions.

Some useful background information:

The bidet was apparently invented by the French Royal Family. Just before they were decapitated by the first generation of French Liberals. The word itself could have many origins, but mostly likely evolves from the French verbs trot or straddle. As Steve Martin observed, those French have a different word for everything.

The Japanese, obsessed as they are with toilet recreation, have invented the first bidet with a built in blow dryer. This far exceeds the Japaneses' last greatest invention: the toilet that emanates fake flushing noises so as to hide the real sounds. Which also might be useful as a portable device, to be used should you find yourself in an elevator with Barbara.



June 21, 2007
Calgary, Alberta Please recommend this post

Crumb versus Java

I was just sitting here minding my own business trying to read a textbook on Java. Riveting stuff. Although I enjoy technical writing I'd hate to have to write a complete textbook on a programming language. I would not be able to suppress my sarcasm and my metaphors would probably be inappropriate. Metaphors are very important in technical explanations. For example sometimes in software design theory we refer to two software pieces that are tightly coupled. Imagine the metaphors.

Anyway, I suddenly noticed that someone left a copy of a Robert Crumb Sketch book (Volume 10) on the chair next to me. You might not know this Artist's name but if you were around in the 60's or 70's you probably would recognize one of his cartoons or posters. He is probably most famous for the various versions of Keep on Trucking.

When I was 12 or 15 (I can't remember) I had two kinds of friends. One type had Crumb's Keep on Trucking poster on their wall. The other had that stupid Farrah Fawcet poster.

My favourite Crumb poster is the cover he created for the Cheap Thrills Album around 1968:

Robert Crumb met Janice Joplin in 1960's San Francisco. They became friends and she asked him to do the Album Cover. Crumb was paid a one time fee of $6,000.00 and Columbia Records ended up owning the rights to the drawing. I believe Crumb eventually got the rights back, but much later. When Janis Joplin heard that Crumb had lost the rights to the work she immediately fell over and died.

(Editor: Oh come on, that's really mean.)

And not all that funny.

The Crumb sketch books are unstructured and have no narrative. They're sketch books. There are previously unpublished doodles, out-takes, and works in progress. This shows an interesting side of the artistic process, that it can be iterative and repetitive. Occasionally he writes self-deprecating comments in the sidebar. Why can I never draw a chair properly?

Other Crumb notables include Natural Man - an old man in a flowing robe with a long white beard who strides along with his elbows flying around like he's Chris Pronger. Then there are all the Hell's Angels, pictured on ridiculously tricked out bikes, the odd one with a big cyclops eye.

There are a lot of drawings of women. Mostly the women are wearing hot pants, drawn with their backs to the artist, and always looking saucily over their shoulder. Always, they have very large butts. That was just his thing.

Rumours have always persisted that the FBI watched Crumb because his Comics were considered politically subversive and anti-America. Thankfully they were. If our society does collapse I would squarely blame Robert Crumb, John Lennon and Mad Magazine just for starters. I have more on my list and I'm watching you all.

Calgary, Alberta
20 June 2007

Please recommend this post

12 songs on a may morning

I was riding my bike into downtown this morning and thinking how bizarre the combination of tunes that were on my player. I was thinking about posting the play list as is my occasional habit. But there was this dude walking his dog with a 30ft leash on the busiest commuting bike path in the city. He was insouciantly sauntering along while doggy ran back and forth across the path. Bikers and bladers were veering off the path or hitting their brakes to avoid being clothes-lined by the leash.

Anyway, dude, if you're out there, I still think you're an idiot. And I'm sorry if you did'nt hear my whole comment. I was in a hurry.

And doggy: your master is stupid. Feel free to come and live with me. Slip out the back jack.

Anyway, that irritated me. So I'm not going to publish the titles or performers of the tracks. Just the lyrics. If you guess them all without googling, you can problably win something.

My brother-in-law would probably find this easy because he knows the lyrics to every song ever written. But probably not his daughter, because she only knows Jazz.

#1

Go to sleep my darling
Lay down upon your bed
May the rhymes of childhood songs
Dance inside your head
When night time falls around you
I know that you're afraid
But the heart will bring you home again

#2

The birds are singing in your eyes today
Sweet flowers blossom in your smile
The wind and sun are in the words you say
Where might your lonesome lover be?

#3

We asked for signs
the signs were sent:
the birth betrayed
the marriage spent
Yeah the widowhood
of every government --
signs for all to see.

#4

As sure as night is dark and day is light
I keep you on my mind both day and night
And happiness I've known proves that it's right
Because you're mine, I "something something" the "something something"

#5

Yonder come miss rosie, how in the world did you know?
By the way she wears her apron, and the clothes she wore.
Umbrella on her shoulder, piece of paper in her hand;
She come to see the govnor, she wants to free her man.

#6

So I went running down a list of things
some were real, but on some of them I lied
'cause I felt I had to justify each breath that I'd been breathing in this life
Then I realized I was playing into someone else's rules,
trying to keep my score up in a game I did not choose
Then I looked that ghost straight in the eye
and said "You'd better not be coming back by again"

#7

O shepherds, shrink not with afright,
But hear the angel's warning.
This child, now weak in infancy,
Our confidence and joy shall be,
The power of Satan breaking,
Our peace eternal making.

#8

You say you got a real solution
Well you know
we'd all love to see the plan
You ask me for a contribution
Well you know
We're doing what we can

#9

and i didn't know i was the ride
i didn't realize i'm sorry
didn't know i was the ride
i didn't know myself

#10

although your world wonders me,
with your majestic and superior cackling hen
your people i do not understand,
so to you i shall put an end
and you'll
never hear
surf music again

#11

Took a walk down the street
Thru the heat whispered trees
I thought I could hear (hear, hear, hear)
Somebody call out my name as it started to rain
Two spirits dancing so strange

#12

ruth-anne and lynn come from baxter springs
thats one hell-raisin town way down in
southeastern kansas
got a biker bar next to the lingerie store
thats got rollin stones lips up there in
bright pink neon
and they're right downtown where everyone can see em
and they burn all night
you know they burn all night
they burn all night

Please recommend this post

Word of the Month

The word of the month in our little place is insouciance. Just because it has French roots does not mean it is dirty. It just means the quality of being insouciant. Recursive definition no? Try this: indifference or a lack of concern.

I think it was Voltaire who referred to New France (Quebec) as a few acres of snow. King Louis must have been impressed by such insouciance toward the new world.

The runner up was another French word ennui. Which conveys extreme weariness or discontent. I hear ennui in Mr. Harper's voice every time I hear a clip of him speaking. He's not a very happy man. Probably a little insouciance at home.

Those French have a word for every emotional shade you can think of. And don't get me started on Sangfroid.

I'm willing to give out a suitably prestigious award to anyone who can use the words insouciance and ennui in one coherent sentence. Please recommend this post

Blogging Topics of the Future

The blogging future is before us my insouciant little friends.
Suggested topics.

How to get kicked off a blogroll, free speech.
Stephen Harper vs Stephane Dion.
Tippi Hedrin.
That horrible movie The Secret.
Anna Nicole Smith vs. Ryan Smyth.
Global Warning or Global Warming or Global Warring.
Easter. (Or, Don't Touch My VCR).
My Niece gets her braces off, gets a piercing and thinks she's soooo cool.
Jesus, Mary and their Baby lived in France. Its a fact.
How did all that ink get on my forehead.
Tippi Hedrin
Other miscelaneous crap. Please recommend this post

Life Insurance Salesmen

Please recommend this post

The Traditional Definition of Shame

My neighbour has porno magazines all over the back seat of his car. I noticed it last week when I was getting out of my car because they park next to me on my driver's side. I've been obsessing about it because I find his insouciance is upsetting. And its not even classy porn like Playboy, but the lower end of the filth spectrum. Not that any porn is classy but you know what I mean. Let's just say that those woman are never going to have a Federal Judge rule over where they get buried.

I always see this dude or his wife in the parking lot. They're usually nicely dressed and always say hi to me. On Saturday I came home the same time the wife did. I got out of my truck while she was getting some packages out of the back seat. She said hi to me and asked me how I was. My mind raced 90 miles an hour. It was -15 and sweat spurted out of my forehead. She had put her shopping bags right on top of the porno mags. Nonchalantly. Defiantly even. I stammered that I was fine and ran into the house.

I had a flashback to grade 5. Me and two friends had a stack of playboy mags that we traded around. Although now that I think about it I'm not sure I ever got them. My friend was deathly afraid that one of our parents would find and confiscate them so he had a long list of hiding techniques and rules.

My other friend, after many months of pleading, finally got his turn to take the stash home. He hid them very carefully and cleverly in his bedroom following our other friends detailed instructions. Within a day his mother found every single one of them.

She never said a word but stacked them all up nicely and orderly on his night table, in descending date order. My friend freaked out called me over. I rolled around on the floor and could'nt stop laughing until I almost threw up. He hid them again. The next day, same thing. Big pile of neatly stacked date sorted porno.

We never really knew whether she just did'nt care or did'nt bother to look at the covers. His dad never said anything either. I've never seen anyone so scared in my entire life.

The other friend went on to become a civil servant. I often think of him handing a manilla folder to somebody important, which is supposed to contain a study of wolverine migration patterns in north western b.c. but instead contains a well thumbed copy of TRIPLE-D!.

Is that what the world has come to? People now leave their sleazy porno lying around anywhere without the slightest bit of shame. I'll never be able to have a normal conversation my neighbours again. Please recommend this post

Happy Valentines Day

I hope things work out for you two. Please recommend this post

Yes, But They Still Lost

A few nights ago the Edmonton Oilers played the Dallas Stars. There was a bizarre ending to the game. Watching the video clip explains it better than I can. The reason I found this event interesting is the way it was covered in the media. I submit the following points for your consideration:

1. All the blame was directed to Patrik Stefan a young Czech player who missed the shot, and not to the Oiler's defenceman who gave away the puck in his own end. I could'nt find even one article that mentioned the name of the Oiler's player who made the original mistake.
2. Patrik Stefan is actually a pretty good player. Maybe a better player than the Oilers defenceman who gave up the puck . Only a few hockey writers mentioned that Stefan was drafted fairly high. Higher even than Vancouver's Olsen twins.
3. The pointless comparisons to Steve Smith scoring on his own net in the 1986 playoffs came fast and furious. That was tragic. This was amusing.
4. Regardless of what last minute heroics the Oilers pull out they were playing Dallas, and Dallas must beat the Oilers. It has to be this way so the delicate yin/yang balance of the Universe is not upset. The sooner Oilers fans realize and accept this the more docile they will become. All that screaming is very unseemly.
5. Nobody gives the Oilers fans any credit for their belief right up until the last second that somehow the Oilers will win. If this had happened in Calgary their fans would have already left and it would'nt have made the news.
6. The announcer on the video clip seemed a bit drama queeny to me.

See, I can write Sports topics just as well as anyone. How hard could it be?

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