my one (and only) pope story

In 1984 the Pope visited Edmonton and at the time I was working in a downtown Hotel. The Pope stayed at the Sisters of Providence facility across town so the Nuns got booted and had to stay in the Hotel where I worked, along with a whole entourage of Papal tour people which included some Swiss Guards and a couple of Cardinals one fairly obnoxious and the other quite nice.

One of the Sisters was quite old and frail and the Hotel staff took a liking to her because she was very friendly and went around every morning asking people how they were doing. One morning she stepped off the elevator and made her way across the lobby and out the front door of the Hotel. On either side of the doors were full length glass windows which had no markings on them and had just been cleaned. Instead of going through the doors she walked smack into one of the windows and bounced backwards onto her ass. A bunch of us all saw it happen and ran like crazy over to see if she was okay. The Concierge got there first and leaned over and said to her Jesus Christ! Are you okay? She was okay, but Concierge got a little talking to later that day.

The next morning the Cardinal (the decent one) was talking to a desk clerk and said ...that was something about the sister walking into the window was'nt it... (or something like that) and the desk clerk said blandly yeah...Jesus that must've hurt. I thought I was going to die right on the spot.

By the time they all left the Hotel's General Manager who was Catholic was pretty much over the edge and a lot of people had red marks on their rear ends.

Okay, the Pope was not in this story, that is true. But the Pope caused the story by dislocating the Nuns. And the story occurred with me being within 3 miles of the Pope, which is the closest I've ever been to a Pope. As far as Pope stories go its not one of the best ones. If you can do better lets hear it. Please recommend this post

Minor Changes

I've updated my links on the right hand side. I've decided not to link to heavy traffic super well known blogs like Daily Kos or Juan Cole for example, because I know you can find them on your own. I still like those sites a lot its just that the space in the right column is limited so I want to reserve it for the grassroots bloggers who might need the referrals more. Not that I think they need help - the blogs in my links section are far better than this crappy little blog. Of course Socialist Swine got himself mentioned by Howie Kurtz so he may become Alberta's Daily Kos.

I added 3 of my favourite cartoons sites so you can have a laugh or two in these dark times. Its hard hard work. I found The Dog Judo cartoon over at Daveberta. Even though I'm a Judo Purist I find it hilarious. You should know that in the real Judo world you never have to practice with people like that.

I added a link to a French translation of this site just below the Maple Leaf. This is a machine translation so it really mangles a lot of things. Try it out and let me know how the French is. (It takes a while to load and it does not translate Haloscan) Its also a FREE machine translation which means its crappier than the machine translations you can pay for.

The url to play with their translator is http://www.freetranslation.com/. They do all the Romance languages. One time wasting task is to take a phrase like "Cat On A Hot Tin Roof" and daisy chain it through all the languages, then back again to English. See what you end up with and where the translator got lost. Ok, so I don't have much of a life what's it to you. Please recommend this post

Non Coherent Papal Musings

Wednesday morning was surreal with the announcment of a new Pope. CNN Screamed out with "GERMANY'S RATZINGER IS 265TH POPE" in 30 point, a font size normally reserved for Terror Alerts or Britney Pregnancies. The annoying CBC morning program was interupted by a 20 second announcement by Michael Enright. They cut into the show with one of those high alert ding a bling a ling musical alert things. Michael Enright was almost fired from the CBC a few years ago when after he did an interview with the Globe & Mail and said the Catholic Church was the largest criminal organization in the world. He was forced to apologize and kiss the ring. So it surprised me that they hauled him out of bed to make the announcement, even if it was only for 15 seconds. Not long after that they went it to full tilt Ratzingerpalooza. The Bishop of Calgary rushed to his media outlet of choice to endorse the new Pope. I guess the Chief Inquisitor's job is open now. Let the gay bashing resume.

I'm briefly watching a bit on TV. There are a large group of Nuns in the Plaza outside the Vatican jumping up and down like they just saw the Beatles, or as my friend who is an Evil Bastard puts it, its like they just spent an hour riding their bicycles on cobbelstone roads. After what we saw last week with the 8 day funeral, maybe this should not surprise us. Is religious hysteria bipolar? A Dark night of the soul followed by a feast day?

I suppose you could take exception to the claim of being the 265th Pontiff. I believe they made every effort to correct the counting error introduced by two different Schisms in the middle ages, which is why there are two John XXIIIs. And in at least one of those schisms there was a Benedict which makes it even more complicated. Maybe he's really Bendict XV and just won't admit it.

I'm unsure about the Hitler Youth thing. The Israeli foreign minister is already baiting him on the Catholic-Jewish anti-semitism issue. As a Catholic Priest in the Nazi era surely he must recognize or know about the issue of Catholic complicity in the Holocaust. At least, he must know about the allegations against Pius XII, sometimes referred to as Hitlers' Pope. What does he think of all that? Its an issue not likely to go away anytime soon.

What does a Pope have to do to get fired? Talk about annexing Poland? Kill an Ambassador to the Vatican? And why do countries send Ambassadors to the Vatican. In Canada's case it was so the Pope could lecture the Canadian Ambassador on the evils of Gay Marriage. Should we be sending an Ambassador to the Moonies? I'm sorry, I'm confused.

Do they send out letters to the losing candidates?

Dear cardinal x,

We write to inform you regarding your application to be the next Pope. Unfortunately the position has been filled. Although your credentials were impressive the selection committee decided to go with someone who had a unique set of skills to match the needs of our client. We will keep your resume on file for future reference. Thank you for your interest.

Regards,
S. Spinoza, S.J.,
Vatican Human Resources

Whether its fair or not people judge you buy the words you use. Please try to drop a few of the following words in conversation:

papeolology
repapalization
depapalization
popelessness
neopapalschismism
papalicide
popemongering
papalissimo
papalicious
papalelleogram
poporexia


If enough of you put in the effort we can get these words in the next OED.

And before I forget, A cartoon from Mike Williams, a favourite.

Please recommend this post

The Puppy Dog Look

Finally, our long national nightmare of balanced budgets, peace, prosperity, and social tolerance is coming to an end. Please recommend this post

All Our Weird Tomorrows

What a week. The never ending but largely repetitive Gomery stories are taking their toll on everyone, not to mention the back to back Schiavo-Pope melodramas that sucked the life out of everyone's emotional attention span for a good month. I notice that the Calgary Sun has taken a break from their freakish and maudlin dead Pope coverage. How many angles can you photograph that corpse from? Now the Sun is getting caught up on local true crime stories and rolling into wall to wall coverage of the Anniversay of Terry Fox's cross country run. Now that's something I can get behind, and it comes at a good time. It reminds Canadians that we produce some genuine heros now and again. Sure the Sun's coverage is over the top and exploitive, but it's for a good cause. The CBC replayed an old interview between Barbara Frum and Terry Fox. Frum was known to eat her guests and spit them out. In her interview with Terry Fox she was kind and respectful. Terry Fox was humble and optimistic, and talked about his faith in God. At that time he had not long to live.

My once proud sense of being a Canadian now lies in tatters, the victim of multiple conflicting polls, gloating what-if punditry, and an every widening aura of Conservative self-righteousness. We stand on the edge of God knows what cliff waiting for a strong wind or a push. We are now mentioned in the same breath as Mexico and Zimbabwe. You are tempted to make fun of some third world buffoon government or the latest Bush ineptitude but you catch yourself in an akward moment of hey thats us. It may be a long road back to self-respect. For Liberals and Progessives this is the nightmare of nightmares. For Canadian Conservatives its a glorious dream come true. The yapping hyenas of self-loathing anti-Canadianism get to chew on a carcass they stumbled upon while wandering around in the bush.

I'm a believer in watershed events. Canadian Politics is like the earth's crust. It creaks and groans, and every decade or so throws out an earthquake to release the tension. In the late 80's Brian Mulroney ended his political career and his party at the same time. What would cause a party with two back to back record setting majorities to lose everything except two seats? In Mulroney's case there were constant allegations of influence peddling and corruption, the shocking pictures of him humping Ronald Reagan's leg, and at the same time Western Right Wing Alienation and Quebec Nationalism reaching new heights. In what seemed like the blink of an eye the Progressive Conservatives, the Party of Diefenbaker and John A. MacDonald disappeared into a black hole.

Is it possible that the same deep collapse could happen to the Federal Liberals? It is hard for me to imagine the key battlegrounds of Ontario and Quebec to radicalize as conservatives. Its hard for me to imagine the Conservatives governing as a minority government with only 30%-40% of the popular vote, and no other conservative parties in Parliament. So now the media will begin to work on us, manufacturing a mythology about how the Conservative Party is centrist and moderate. The next election will be dirty and divisive and many people will truly not know how to vote. Many will probably want to sit this one out. Those people need to be reminded that the wing-nuts always vote no matter what. So if you hear someone say I'm not voting this time around, give them a good slap, a pair of nose plugs.

(Editor: can you clean this up a bit, it seems to be lacking in cohesion. Thanks.) Please recommend this post

Meaningless Update (4th try)

Between the i'm lying down now nature of blogspot.com and the flaky wireless hub, I'm coming due for a good Stephen Harper like chair kicking. Please recommend this post

Their Next Bold Moves

My day started off with recycled news about things I'd rather not think about: the collapse of our current federal government under the weight of an influence peddling scandal and the Alberta Provincial budget which shows we have more cash than it can ever possibly spend, but little or no vision. Talk about juxtaposition. The weather in Calgary is sunny and warm but on the radio they're issuing winter storm warnings for all of southern alberta. This is not uncommon for this time of year. As it turns out they were exagerating. A little rain and clouds. Now its sunny again.

And so I headed over to the sandwich artistry place to escape my pressing work tasks. There were two British women ahead of me discussing whether olives were fruit or vegetable. They were stout and yeomanish looking and I had a brief (thankfully) image in my head of stout yeomanish women swinging heavy axes, busoms heaving, at marauding vikings or maybe some hapless Scot looking to snag some Sheep bladders. Would you say the Vikings were neo-conservatives in their foreign policy? Why could'nt they just stay home? Why all this marauding? Now they make Volvos and Pine Furniture. That's progress. This will stick with me and I'll have to check on the historical accuracy of this particular mind trip. Eventually they will document a new syndrome: "Irrational hostility to marauding nordic pricks characterized by acute historical revisionism." Everyone will get it, or recognize that they already had it and just did'nt know. Pfizer will come out with a pill and a neat commercial.

To gain the upper hand, the one woman says to the other (about olives) of course there's a difference between the botanical classification and the culinary classification, drawing out the vowels in culinary just enough to be precious. There's no comeback to something like that, except possibly shut the fuck up its just small talk, or, of course there's also a cuuulinary difference between your ass and your head. Some people take great delight in their own pedantry and its better to resist snappy comebacks. The sandwich artist kid was glaring at everybody mostly the two axe swingers but also the dude off in the 12th century. He was probably thinking about the Calculus exam he has tomorrow. It occurred to me that olive classification was going to be the least of our national problems in the coming months.

The sandwich artist kid reminds me of how hard it must be growing up now compared to when i did. We expect them to work three jobs to pay for University and get good enough marks to be successful. No wonder they drink so much.

The morning news is still floating around in my head about Michael Jackson being accused of licking kids heads. Licking their heads! what do you do with something like that. And then i remembered a story about a guy in the Netherlands who was arrested for surreptitiously licking women's toes in public places. He was released after his lawyer argued that this behaviour was not really violating any particular law. There was some public outrage over this so some rightist party drafted a bill specifically outlawing non-consenting toe licking - I swear I'm not making this up - and the frigging thing passed. The rightists lined up with the feminists to stop the toe lickers. What would Ayn Rand say? If only Adscam could be about mere head or toe licking.

I can't shake that image of Michael Jackson vibrating into court late in his pajamas because i think he is really just very very crazy, and i doubt he'll get the help he needs. He made me think about Bogart in the Caine Mutiny and how they put him on the stand and pushed him over the edge. He just went totally batty, furtively fondling those ball bearings in his hands and babbling about how everyone else was conspiring against him. That was one of Bogarts finest moments in acting. Queeg was crazy and all you had to do was push the right buttons. Sooner or later they'll put Michael on the stand and he'll just go off the same way. With any luck he'll lean over and lick the judge's forehead and scream incoherently. And then the retards on that celebrity justice show will have to re-enact it for their moron viewers. Justice is unpredictable by definition which is why some conservatives hate judges so much. They can't control the outcome. They live in an angry world where punishment is more important than accuracy or fairness or inalienable rights. Papers are released showing John Negroponte was intimately involved with Central American right wing death squads and his career prospects in Government service are brighter than ever. But, Judges who ruled on the Schiavo case are being openly threatened by law makers and a wide assortment of other demented goons. Analyze that.

Thus I wait anxiously for word on how all this will turn out. Yawn. Please recommend this post

Andropause

If you're male and over 40 you may want to head over here and take this survey.

The ADAM test (Androgen Deficiency in Aging Men) is a tool used to screen for symptoms of low testosterone in men over 40.

It's a simple first step toward finding out if your symptoms could be related to andropause. Answer the questions below, print the results, and discuss them with your doctor.

Looks like the Province of Alberta is not participating in this particular survey. There are no Alberta resources listed for follow-up. It could be that they are very very busy reforming Health Care to be a model for everyone else.

Andropause often correlates directly with depression, particularly if you are a liberal living in Alberta. Or, just a Liberal.

Seriously though, take the test. Please recommend this post

twelve more songs

another twelve songs from the dj/pimp in my laptop, along
with gratuitous commentary:

1. cat stevens - the first cut is the deepest

I still want you buy my side
the yanks gave me a rough rough ride.
i'm sure gonna give it a try
and if you want i'll try to fly again

2. avril lavigne - he was'nt

well...she ain't no juliana hatfield.

3. bruce cockburn - waiting for a miracle

somewhere out there is a place that's cool
where peace and balance are the rule

4. the white stripes - hello operator

where did this come from? who are these guys? not bad but they sound a little drugged.

5. natalie merchant - ophelia

i would like to see her live. in concert, i mean.

6. bob dylan - tight connection to my heart

I remember the video. Nothing like writing a love song and packing it with 10 layers of meaning.

7. monty python - philosophers drinking song

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker,
But a bugger when he's pissed.

Shame on M.Python for disparaging our western intellectual tradition in this tawdry manner. Malkin should get on them.

8 lisa loeb - stay

Its such a sad song. I remember the video because all the girls started dressing like her. Is she an singer/actor or an actor/singer?

9. beach boys - do you want to dance

Classic. My sister Buffy and I used to play this over and over again on our Electrohome Hi-Fi until Mr. French would come in and make us stop. Buffy always said Mr. French had a sordid past. More on that later.

10. donovan leitch - mellow yellow

Electrical banana
Is gonna be a sudden craze
Electrical banana
Is bound to be the very next phase

Except in Alabama, where it is still very much illegal.

11. skydiggers - toss & turn

One of the most under-rated canadian bands. I saw them live a while back but I think they've broken apart now.

12. mae moore - nothing but the truth

Another totally under-rated Canadian artist.


Yeah, I guess its time to get some new music into the club. Please recommend this post

Twelve Novels

Twelve novels that i've read in the last few years that i enjoyed reading for one crazy reason or another, in no particular order:

1. anthem by ayn rand
2. a midnight clear by william wharton
3. slaughterhouse-five by kurt vonnegut jr.
4. catch-22 by joseph heller
5. the hobbit by tolkien
6. war in heaven by charles williams
7. the quiet american by graham greene
8. the power and the glory by graham greene
9. dracula by bram stoker
10. who has seen the wind by w.o. mitchell
11. hitchhikers guide to the galaxy by douglas adams
12. fugitive pieces by anne michaels

Actually, this is also part of my living will project. If I end up in a persistent vegitative state, you can read from one of these novels to test my sentience. if i don't give an eyebrow cock or spit up some schmutz then i'm probably long gone. Please recommend this post

Grim Reaper's Latest Rant

You people are really pissing me off. Everythings has to be such a big production with you folks. I have a fairly simple job to do but every time I turn around there's some kind of circus going on. Why can't you just be adults instead of freaky drama queens. And you Americans have got to stop electing Republican Presidents. I can't keep up with all the war and pestilence they cause. Do you know how hard it is to hire and train associates?

And stop writing me about Falwell. If I went around all day just taking out the assholes I would'nt get my real work done and it would'nt be fair.

By the way, you may want to throw out that Salmon Mousse in your fridge. Its free advice but don't get cocky. Please recommend this post

Day of Infamy

A college student threw some Salad Dressing at Pat Buchanan yesterday while he was speaking on Western Michigan University Campus. Luckily Buchanan was unhurt in the incident. The FBI began an immediate investigation to determine what type of dressing was used in the incident, and how best to get the stains out of Buchanan's shirt and tie. An FBI agent, on condition of anonymity said he thought it was some kind of low fat cucumber flavor.

Later, a shaken President Bush reads a statement:

Today, millions of Americans are saddened by the throwing of salad dressing at Pat Buchanan.

Laura and I extend our condolences to Pat Buchanan. We don't know yet if that tie can be cleaned.

I appreciate the example of grace and dignity he has displayed at a difficult time. I urge all those who honor Pat Buchanan to continue to work to build a culture of food where all dressings are welcomed and valued and protected, especially those that are...um...lower fat and may not taste so good.

The essence of civilization is that the strong have a duty to protect the weak.

In cases where there are serious doubts and questions, the presumption should be in the favor of eating the food.

The most solemn duty of the American president -- come on up, guys -- is to protect the American people from Salad Dressing, or um, any food really, being thrown.

Since September 11th, 2001, we've taken bold and vigorous steps to prevent further attacks and overcome emerging threats.

We face a new and different kind of enemy. The threats today are unprecedented. The salads of our citizens are at stake. To protect them, we need the best intelligence possible, and we must stay ahead of constantly changing intelligence challenges. "

Please recommend this post

twelve songs

this morning i flicked on the windows media player and got the following 12 songs.I picked 12 because its a more magical number than 10, and divisible by more numbers that i find esthetically pleasing.

1. matthew & son - cat stevens
2. trickle down - bruce cockburn
3. forgiven - alanis morrissette
4. because I told you so - jonatha brooke
5. throng of blowtown - mary lou lord
6. creation dream - bruce cockburn
7. she loves you - beatles
8. just in me - holly narn
9. capsized - sarah harmer
10. try - nelly furtado
11. she's a fool - leslie gore
12. ahead by a century - tragically hip

hey look, we exceeded the can-con quota without
having to play any celine dion or cory hart!

i have to point out for our younger readers that holly narn can be a bit dirty. i had to put my hands over my ears a few times when she sang about mommy/daddy stuff. Please recommend this post

Springtime in Alberta

Saturday Morning. In and around Calgary everything is brown and dirty. I am heading up the highway north to Edmonton, to have Easter dinner with the old farts and the siblings. The snow is almost all gone. Southern Alberta is dry to begin with but the last few years have been drier than usual. Normally this is big sky country but today it is overcast. A purple sky in the southeast does not develop into anything. To the west the rolling foothills and behind them the snow capped Rockies are barely visible because of the clouds.
...
As you go north, the highway breaks slightly east and the Rockies break west. It is not long before you can only see scraggy hills to the west. This is ranching, oil, natural gas, forestry and rodeo country. To the east, the skies are clear now and you can see the prairie roll out and slightly downward to the horizon.
...
Directly east is the Alberta badlands, with their weird hoodoo structures and deep valleys that have rock faces showing geological strata. There are more dinosaur bones and fossils found here than anywhere in the world. Yet, we are right smack in the middle of creationist country.
...
They say this is one of the busiest highways in Canada, but at the very least, it is the backbone of the Alberta economy. Anything you can buy or sell in this economy is visible in one form or another from the highway. RV's, boats, tractors, donuts, Elk Antler Aphrodisiacs, hamburgers, antiques, used cars and trucks, sides of beef & pork. Everything is big and sprawling.
...
An aging bachelor in a Corvette blows by me as if I am standing still.
...
As you head north, the temperature drops a bit and there is more and more snow. The fields are mostly still white and the snowdrifts in the ditch or against snow fences are weirdly textured from the wind. There are a few stands of poplar and evergreen trees here and there.
...
There are trucks everywhere, mostly oilfield service trucks. I have lived here all my life and still have no idea what all that gear is. There are flatbeds hauling the big valves, compressors and pipes that connect the vast web of energy pipelines together. You can see where the pipelines cross the highway. Most of them head south to the American Midwest. There are semis hauling everything imaginable: junk food, livestock, or the latest Wal-Mart crap. Otherwise, the traffic is mostly families jammed into SUV's mini-vans and four-by-four trucks, old folks with oxygen tubes in their nose driving new Cadillacs, and the ubiquitous rancher/farmer in the farm truck. Most of them have bumper stickers complaining about the usual grievances: the Kyoto treaty, the Gun Registry, the Wheat Board, the unelected senate, generally, the idea that liberals live in their world.
...
A farmer has a big sign facing the highway that says "Separation Long Overdue" that makes me laugh whenever I see it. It is a nervous laugh because I am familiar with the specific hell that these people want to drag the rest of us into with them. Another has a sign that says Jesus is Lord, which I suppose is saying much the same thing. These slogans always used to be on grain elevators but almost all of the grain elevators are gone now.
...
Sunday Evening. Now I am heading back south to Calgary just after supper. The sun is dropping just behind my right shoulder but there are still coral colored wisps of clouds to the south. It gets dark quickly. Occasionally there are clusters of undulating yellow lights off in the distance from some little town. In every direction, there are cell towers and oilrigs with red or white beacons. Some spin, some blink, some just stare back at you. The sky above is clear and the stars are showing.
...
The highway gets busier as you get closer to Calgary, and everybody drives fast and tailgates. Soon you see the canopy of light over the city as all the outdoor illumination reflects upward. This is quite pretty in the winter when you get a million lines of light bouncing around off ice and snow crystals in the air. I have always lived in big cities and I have always liked seeing city lights at night. I wonder if it could be a reverse SETI project, beaming all our wattage out to space hoping to meet some interstellar friends. With our luck, they will be imperialistic neo-cons, and we are the Iraq of the Galaxy. Alternatively, all that light could just be a law and order thing, deterring teenage nihilists with odd German accents from stealing your car stereo. Please recommend this post

Socialized Medicine Saves Tycoon

Former Canadian Prime Minister Brian Mulroney is in hospital in Montreal recovering from lung surgery and pancreatitis. His condition is described as stable and improving, which means that any subsequent mockery is not only tasteful but necessary.

When his condition was first detected he was immediately shipped by Fedex from Wall Street to a Socialist Hospital in Montreal.

Doctors said the surgery was complicated by the fact that Mulroney's entire head was fairly far up his ass. The spokesman went on to say the medical team had absolutely no idea what caused the pancreatitis.

Don't worry, there's no court cases going on trying to have him unplugged.

My favourite memory of Mulroney was when he eagerly signed us up for the first Iraq War. Bush1 kind of took a shining to our Brian. He positively beamed with pride when Canadian Fighter Jets were strafing Iraqi boats in the Persian Gulf. I do like to see a man happy in his work.

I hope Mulroney is ok, I'd hate to see Corky go without a father. Please recommend this post

Easter Wishes

I hope everyone has a happy Easter Weekend. I hope that whatever you torture and kill on Friday rises again on Sunday.

If you're an Egyptian child worried about the Angel of Death/Passover mythology, don't worry. The Angel of Death is tied up in appeals courts somewhere in Florida. Please recommend this post

Sarah Harmer Video

Head over to Sarah Harmer's website. Click on the Audio and Video Tab and watch the video for her newest song Almost.

There's not a lot of things that make me smile these days but this song and the video just blew me away. Please recommend this post

And Now For Something Completely Different

I don't often quote entire articles but this one merits it:

John Cleese writes an open letter to Americans.


NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

By John Cleese

To the citizens of the United States of America,

In the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. (Except Utah, which she does not fancy.)
Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect :

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added
to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager". The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen
Knat's Urine", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon - get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you
shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation and have a great day.

Please recommend this post

Palm Sunday: Onan Revisited

In my last post, a letter to my Bishop, I seem to have created a bit of a controversy by using the term "Sin of Onan". I feel there should be a further explanation. I tried to get a Bishop to help with the explanation but today is Palm Sunday and they are all very busy.

Perhaps we should ask the young and the feeble to leave the room now so we can have a frank and open discussion about this topic.

First of all, go read the Book of Genesis, Chapter 38 for the background story.

Onan was the son of Judah. Onan's older brother died having been struck down by the Lord. Onan's obligation under Jewish law was to impregnate his widowed sister-in-law. This was not a task he was obviously enthusiastic about since as you can see in the Bible text he committed the flagrant sin of coitus interuptus. This is the first time this was mentioned in the Bible and the Catholics elevated the story to a vast and far reaching condemnation of birth control. Thus, over time, the Sin of Onan, came to mean the practice of having sex without having children.

So that is the first meaning of the metaphor, a rather sharp warning against family planning.

The second meaning, which is quite often used by Catholics, is the sin of (okay this is where it gets a little raw) self pleasure. Yes, we're talking about masturbation. AKA spanking the monkey. AKA shaking your fist in anger, etc etc. And please don't write me with your favourite euphemism. This is difficult as it is.

Anyhow, this was certainly the meaning we got in those lectures from Sister Brigette Madolyn of the Holyrood Academy of Boys Woodworking, which I attended one semester. I doubt sister Brigette was talking about the first of the meanings to a bunch of geeky 12 year old boys.

And that was certainly not the meaning I intended when referring to my member of Parliament. (Oops! I meant "A" member of Parliament.) Frankly, I don't see that man engaging in any kind of coitus, interuptus or otherwise. At least not with a sentient person.

I hope this clears up the original letter. Its just one of those cases where Catholics use a Bible story to condemn many different things.

Anyway, I hope you all have a Happy Palm Sunday. Please recommend this post

Letter To My Favourite Bishop

Dear Bishop Henry,

Your idea that the local parish priest withold the the sacrament, indeed eternal salvation itself, from Catholic Members of Parliament who do not uphold canon law against homosexuals and baby killers is a stroke of genius. One day Catholic seminarians will be taught about the Henry Doctrine I'm sure. If a Member of Parliament can be made to fear for his eternal salvation then i'm sure they'll start doing the right thing.

My problem is, i don't think this is going far enough. As you know canon law is quite expansive. For example I recently discovered through Sun Media that Peter McKay and Belinda Stronich are involved in an intimate relationship. They appear to have no shame or modesty and are flouting their pathetic little tryst. Just thinking about those two entwined in lust sends a shiver up my spine. Anyway, i believe you should look into this clear violation of canon law. I know striking up a secret Inquisition board and calling secret witnesses is a hassle, but it must be done. The good news is that it is not Peter McKay and Scott Brison which a lot of us were worried about. Please handle this discretely, not in your usual flamboyant manner, they're not Liberals after all.

Which remainds me, my group is adamant that you should not be shaming any Catholic Conservative Members of Parliament for reasons that are very very complicated and I can't go into them right now. But I know you agree because you have never condemned any Catholic Conservative Party Members of Parliament for violating canon law. And believe me, just between you and me, they can be a sordid bunch when you dig around a bit.

By the way, I heard one of the Conservative Members, from Calgary no less, was on a Catholic TV show and was complaining about the burden of being a single Catholic male. Apparently he is struggling with the sin of Onan. I thought you might chat with him and offer some private shaming. I'll forward his name, secretly, to your committee in the usual manner.


regards,
a loyal supporter Please recommend this post

Open Letter to C. Rice

Dear Dr. Rice, Secretary of State,

I am writing to you about our colleague Ambassador Cellucci. Just between you and me I think he's been over the edge a bit lately. Mad cow, softwood lumber, missile defense, Iraq - all these issues seem to have taken a toll on our mutual friend. Lately he looks haggard and defensive. He has those deep bags under his eyes that come from knowing the truth but not being able to get the heathen to understand it.

I heard he was leaving his post shortly and I hope you can help him find a more suitable job in a think tank somewhere. Do you have a replacement in mind yet? Mr. Cellucci would be kind of hard to replace but I have an idea for you to consider that I think would work out really well for both of us. (BTW: I was disappointed to hear that Mr. Wolfowitz is now unavailable for this post. )

My idea is that you appoint our loyal opposition, the Conservative Reform Alliance caucus, as the collective U.S. Ambassador. You will not find a more loyal group to carry out your President's agenda with respect to Canadian relations. Think of it: 70 full time eyes and ears constantly on the look out for any kind of anti-American thought or action. You would be well served by these loyal patriots. And I also know they would carry on this important work for free.

This would also save our loyal opposition leader, Mr. Harper, and his Deputy, Mr. Day, the trouble of having to run to the Washington post to publish their anti-Canadian pro-American op-eds. As the collective Ambassadors, your media and ours would run to them breathlessly and publish every word they utter. Good deal for you. Have you ever read our National Post?

Anyhow, I hope you will give this some serious consideration.

Regards,
A Canadian Patriot


P.S. I'm so sorry about Dr. Axworthy being so rude to you. I've written a very lengthy letter to David Horowitz about him. With any luck, you should'nt hear from him again. Please recommend this post

Saturday Picks

Head over to Klondike Kate's Aurora to read some hot-damn writing about life in Alaska. (I should point out that historically, Alaska is a part of Canada.) There is also an ad for Michelle Malkin's latest book over there (scroll down) which made my lunch come out through my nose.

Naomi Klein, my favourite writer is at it again over here.

The Section15 blog takes James Taranto and the Wall Street Journal out behind the wood shed.

Robert Fisk, not unsuprisingly predicts civil war in Lebanon. As predictors go he does not have a bad track record.

Why do these people hate America so much?


The rapture is right around the corner and we got a lot of work to do. Once the Christians leave they'll be a lot of stuff to be fixed up. We can beat this lake of fire thing if we have a plan and stick together. One of the things you can do to make this go smoother is to read this blog every day.

And finally, the word of the day is contrarian-obfuscationism. Please recommend this post

Destination 2 (Redux)

Speaking of slow death, I watched the movie Final Destination 2 with Aly Larter and Canadian actor Keegan Conner Tracy, pictured above shortly before getting the pipe through the head, or blown up, I can't remember. (Consumer activists should note that she was driving a Ford Explorer.) Intending to scare 16 year olds into staying in school this scene inadvertently created a chewable metaphor for life: The jagged pipe is almost always right near your head.

The theme of death stalking people has been done over and over again in literature and movies FOREVER but never so relentlessly predictable as in this movie. How many movies make you cheer for death? Usually death has some kind of theological purpose, but here its just to get to the end of the movie as quickly as possible. At the end of the movie they blew up poor Aly which seems to suggest she won't be back for the third in the series. And there will be a third.

Save your 4 bucks and watch Max Von Sydow in Ingmar Bergman's The Seventh Seal. Or if that's too heady for you how about Monty Python's Meaning of Life.

Death by Salmon Mousse, now that's funny. Please recommend this post

Teacher Says Sun Media Not Reputable

This one jumped out at me as particularly irritating.

From the Toronto Sun...

The Sun won't shine at a private Catholic school in King City, Ontario, where a Grade 10 student was docked 22% off her history assignment for using clippings from this newspaper [Toronto Sun]-- deemed "non-reputable" by her teacher. Jessica Bolzicco, 16, an honour roll student... said her teacher cut the grade on her current affairs assignment from an 87% to a 65% because she used the Toronto Sun as her source. Students were asked to bring in three clippings from "newspapers of repute."

How would an honour roll student not realize that the Sun has no intellectual merit on any topic? And using the same source on one project is hardly sound. While the teacher engaged in sort of a knee jerk reaction, its pretty easy to understand why. But, it would make a good teaching opportunity to have the students discuss the Sun stories and understand exactly why it has no repute.

Principal Paul Paradiso admitted the Sun has a good reputation for news coverage but fails from a "moral point of view" due to its SUNshine Girl and Boy. (The SUNshine Boy has not appeared in the paper since last September.)

No they don't have a good reputation for news coverage. But they do make a considerable income off sex trade advertising, while at the same time constantly soap boxing about morality issues. In the bigger picture, is'nt that weirder than a picture of a girl in a bikini?

So what really does the Catholic teacher object to? Maybe by non-reputable they just mean that there are pictures of girls in bikinis, but otherwise they accept the Sun's ultra right-wing content.

Sun Editor-in-Chief Jim Jennings said he was appalled by Jessica's story. "It's ridiculous that a history teacher would censor a student who brings in clippings," he said. "I thought education was about the exchange of ideas, but what do I know -- I only have a PhD."

Education is about the exchange of ideas. The Sun is not. Thats the point. And who cares if the editor has a PhD? I don't even want to know what that guy wrote his thesis on. The kids in that class probably need to be prepared for University where they sure as hell won't be citing the Toronto Sun in their research.

Read the article... Please recommend this post

Antichrist Revealed, then Mocked

Over at Jesus's General they discuss a new book which uses various means to identify the antichrist who is now among us. Having read portions of this book I cannot reveal who he is since that would ruin it for the rest of you. As my mom used to say, 'laddy stop prying, you're much better off not knowing who the big beasty is. '

But, suffice it to say when I read that name I said out loud: Exactly!

Soon though, in the comments section of the blog, as is prone to happen, the Frenchmen took it upon themselves to think up funny new names for the antichrist.

Some of the suggested names:

333 Eric the Half a Beast
666-A The tennant of the Beast.
999 the dyslexic beast?
667 Neighbor of the Beast
665 Antichrist underachiever
222, the factor of the Beast
1/666, the inverse multiple of the Beast
-666, the additive inverse of the Beast
66 - amputee beast
|666| - the Absolute Value of the Beast
@@@ - The amnio sonogram of the Beast

I quote these without permission, but knowing there's no great sin recognizing that there are many people funnier than myself. Quite a few actually. Possibly millions.

But seriously, don't these people know they're bringing a whole lot of bam-stick on themselves by making fun of the apocolypse?

I have to read the later chapters of this revolutionary little book. I'm quite anxious to see if there is a role for Canada in the great end game.

Read the original post here. Please recommend this post

Replacement Please

Could you please join with me in writing to the American Embassy and asking for a replacement Ambassador. The current one does not seem to be functioning properly. I believe he is under warranty and that they are obligated to replace the defective product. Apparently, every once in a while the Ambassador-3000 robotic series goes buggy and develops delusions of grandeur.

When contacting the Embassy use the following talking points.

• Could you please just shut him up.
• You said he was leaving for the private sector. When?
• Why is he such an annoying brain dead hack?
• Could you please just shut him up.
• There is more to Canada than the Fraser Institute, the Alberta Government and Sun Media.
• We are not stupid colonial rubes who need to be lectured daily by a gaseous overbloated self-inflated overly hyperbolic 5th rate talk show host. (Charles Adler was here first)
  
• Once again, could you please just shut him up.
• Lets see what else...Oh, yeah, our Prime Minister does not report to the Ambassador.

Contact them Please recommend this post

Four RCMP Officers Killed

As you've probably heard four RCMP officers were killed yesterday near Mayerthorpe, an hour or so north-west of Edmonton. They were trying to serve warrants when they found a marijuana grow operation. A gun fight followed and all four died along with the criminal they were dealing with.

Naturally there is quite a bit of shock and grief. The officers were all juniors in their 20's and early 30's and there has not been such a great loss of officers in one incident since the late 1800's.

The nature of the tragedy will re-ignite a whole bunch of contentious political debates (law and order, marijuana legalization, gun registry, etc, etc) and soon you will start to see a whole punch of political spin. Even Stephen Harper is saying its too early to connect the horrific event with public policy. (Maybe he should call Art Hanger and tell him to stay off the radio for a while.)

Since my primary interest is politics & media I know this tragedy will create a lot of discussion and debate. I just don't think today is the right time. Please recommend this post

Former Foreign Minister Cracks Back

Lloyd Axworthy is alive and well. In a recent op-ed in the Winnipeg Free Press he writes about missile defense and puts Paul Cellucci in his empty headed place.

Excerpts:

Now, I understand that there may have been some miscalculations in Washington based on faulty advice from your resident governor of the "northern territories," Ambassador Cellucci. But you should know by now that he hasn't really won the hearts and minds of most Canadians through his attempts to browbeat and command our allegiance to U.S. policies.

...

Sadly, Mr. Cellucci has been far too closeted with exclusive groups of 'experts' from Calgary think-tanks and neo-con lobbyists at cross-border conferences to remotely grasp a cross-section of Canadian attitudes (nor American ones, for that matter).

...

As our erstwhile Prairie-born and bred (and therefore prudent) finance minister pointed out in presenting his recent budget, we've had eight years of balanced or surplus financial accounts. If we're going to spend money, Mr. Goodale added, it will be on day-care and health programs, and even on more foreign aid and improved defence.

Ouch.

Read more.. Please recommend this post

Poll Update

Just a quick update to let you know that Jeri Ryan is running away with the poll. Although there is a strong 'bugger off' contingent out there as well.

Some astute readers asked why Terry Farrell as Jadzia Dax was not included. Well, because the series had no critical acclaim and no one ever heard of Terry Farrell before or since. It seems that DS9 was a bit of a career killer for all involved.

The original poll called T'Pol T'Pal by mistake. T'Pol is the character played by Jolene Blalock. There is no T'Pal. However there is a T'Pau. She was a Vulcan elder on the original Star Trek series and that character re-appeared in a younger version in an Enterprise episode. I was thinking about Janeway at the time and that your mom is so hot thing kind of intruded into my subconscious.

Confused yet? You would be surprised how many trekkie web sites refer to T'Pol as T'Pal or T'Pau. I think there was also a dance band in the 80's called t'pau.

I'm hoping that some day science will be able to extract all the pop-culture crap from my sub-conscious and replace with more useful information.

Of course this is all a complete waste of time and band width so I'm going back to work now. Hopefully my upcoming material will be more useful. Please recommend this post

The Creative Process

Keanu Reeves, during the filming of his latest film Constantine, requests some minor script changes.

(If you have a better punch line lets hear it.)

Please recommend this post

March Reader Poll

The Hottest Female Star Trek Character
	Kate Mulgrew - Captain Janeway
	Majel Barret - various roles
	Jeri Ryan - Seven of Nine
	Kirstey Alley - Lt. Savik
	Jolene Blalock - T'Pol
	Marina Sirtis - Deanna Troi
	I only read Shakespeare and David Frum
	Bugger off
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Please recommend this post

Your Daily Reading

Linda McQuaig writes a brief op-ed about Missile Defense.
read it

Maureen Dowd writes about the surreal spectacle of George Bush lecturing Vladimir Putin on open government and media.
read it

David Holohan writes about Intelligent Design. (Every once in a while you read something and you say to yourself, Man, I wish I could write like that...
read it

William F. Buckley gyrates and twitches trying to parse George Bush's sloppy and weird Inauguration speech.
read it

I expect a brief 50-100 word report from each of you by the end of the day. Original thoughts only please. Please recommend this post

Maher Arar and Ernst Zundel

You would probably not often see those two names in the same context, and indeed they have nothing in common with one another. Except that they were both kicked out of the United States, but with completely different considerations.

I was just reading this excellent article by Bob Hebert at the New York Times. He interviews Maher Arar about his ordeal in Syria. Its really heartbreaking to read in detail about what happened. The man is lucky to be alive.

Around the same time the story broke that Ernst Zundel was being punted across the pond, back to Germany. But it is not the romanticized neo-nazi paradize that Zundel yells about, but rather it is the Germany that is going to throw him in jail. Here, he was our #1 promoter of racial hatred. Over there he'll just be just another neo-nazi that no one cares about. Germans have a much more refined understanding of the nuances of white supremacy rhetoric and will deal with Zundel under their laws. Is'nt that ironic?

I hesitate to even write about Ernst Zundel because it is a pointless conversation. Merely acknowledging that he exists is extending too much attention. But it did strike me as a major contradiction in the different ways Zundel and Arar were treated. Arar transfers planes in a U.S. airport and is essentially kidnapped and shipped to Syria. Zundel, spends years tying up the courts in both the U.S. and Canada. The U.S. decides after a long while to throw him out and sends him back to Ontario not Syria. But not after extending the maximum amount of due process possible. Meanwhile, the National Post et al fixates themselves to death on a Romanian Stripper and a low-level con artist Pizza maker.

The policy as I understand it: When dealing with white supremacist neo-nazi hate mongers, extend them all the due process you can, and if you must deport them deport them to Toronto. Brown people with funny names should go straight to Syria.

With Maher Arar we will never ever know what happened and who made what mistake. Due process and transparency do not apply. You might as well be arguing with the East German government in 1960.

I've been thinking a lot lately about alternative universes. Somewhere there is an alternative universe where Ernst Zundel steps off a plane, gets kidnapped by the INS/CIA/FBI/DHS who then drop ship him to Tel Aviv. For some strange reason the Mossad thinks Zundel knows something they need to know and tortures him for a few years. Every once in while, but not often, someone says, hey, whatever happened to that guy in the hardhat.

Please recommend this post

Flying Monkey Carbon Tax Hysteria

Flying Monkey award of the week.

Over at the Calgary Herald, their lead Business writer Charles Frank goes round and round in a big circle about how there is a secret clause in the latest Federal Budget to plunder the Alberta treasury with a Carbon Tax. It is so secret, in fact, that the author cannot reveal any facts.

The author starts out with a shocking revelation: Buried deep in the nether regions of this week's federal budget is an incendiary paragraph that could pave the way for a carbon tax.

The next nine paragraphs are boiler plate diatribes about Trudeau and the National Energy Program. The diatribe goes on a bit long and you have to flip to page E9 from the front page of the business section to get back to the original story line. Its like someone telling a really really long not so funny joke that you've heard before, but you feel you have to be be polite and listen to the end, and then fake a sincere laugh.

Finally, deep in the bowels of page E9 scrunched up next to unflattering pictures of Remax top sellers we finally get to the heart of the matter. The text in the budget that will ruin all of our lives and kill our puppies is this: For any environmental goal it is important that consideration be given to all of the available policy instruments and that solutions be identified that produce the best results for the environment.

So there you have it. You may now become hysterical and phone Charles Adler.

The general quality of writing throughout CanWest/Southam sure has gone down hill. Turgid prose which takes innuendo and active imagination and presents itself as fact is too dull to read, especially when our personal band-widths are getting more and more crowded. After the first paragraph it ceases to be Journalism under any traditional definition. The author uses enough weasel language to indicate that his heart really is not in the argument.

The general philosophical statement of seeking balance between economic and environmental policy has been in the liberal playbook forever, and does not indicate or foreshadow a specific policy. The problem is that the federal Liberals have really only talked about this kind of stuff and not actually done very much. Paul Martin is certainly less committed to Environmental policy than Chretien or Trudeau were.

Read the Article here
(Subscription required)

Please recommend this post

Thursday's Musings

I'm starting to hate Thursdays. Always acting like Fridays but really they're just second rate Wednesdays. No one ever says, boy am I glad its Thursday. Nobody ever says I'm glad its the upper latter mid-point of the week.

In honour of Johnny Carson I have a punchline without a joke. The punchline is: Are you sure it was'nt Star Jones in a fur coat? I'm counting on someone out there to supply the joke. But, you have to admit, the punch line almost stands on its own.

I almost went to Thailand last month. Thank God I did'nt go when Star Jones was there. I might have seen her on the beach and gone blind. The Lord was looking out for me and I feel blessed.

They were interviewing Jolene Blalock on the radio last night. She seems pretty smart and articulate for a hoo-hoo girl. All the Enterprise cast is out doing the circuit trying to reverse the show's cancellation. Its an ok show. Not as good as Voyageur. Voyageur had really well written stories and who could resist that Your mom is so hot charm of Captain Janeway. But I thought Enterprise was a little too violent. I always believed Star Trek was a metaphor about the role of the United States in the World. (Scott Bakula has a really big nose, but not as big as that guy in the Life Of Brian who got punched out at the Sermon on The Mount.) Maybe this is it, maybe there won't be any more Star Trek stories. That would push a few geeks off the deep end.

Somewhere in an alternate universe David Frum just shot himself and Hunter S. Thompson is writing his Eulogy. Thompson's last column is about him making a 3am call to Bill Murray to propose a new version of Golf involving shot-guns.

You can read it here but it seems they are having a lot of band-width problems.

I just watched this terrible terrible movie called The Garage. It was a remake of a Japanese horror movie and starred Sarah Michelle Gellar and a cast of many many horror stricken Japanese people. There was no Garage in this movie, but they kept talking about how something really bad happened in The Garage. That chick from the Ring with the creepy long black hair was in this movie, but I have no idea why. Please recommend this post

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog. Please recommend this post

Weekend Update

Weekend update...

Because freedom is on the march, the Michael Jackson of Iraq (right) can now use a baby as a prop in a religious procession. Can we please stop dangling babies for publicity.

___

Another techy email from IBM with the following advice:

You provided IBM with your e-mail address so that we could keep you informed of important events and new business solutions. If you want to be removed from the IBM e-mail list, please send an e-mail to IBM Developer Suppression.

What the heck is Developer Suppression? Why do they want to suppress me? I should be suppressing them, they brag way too much. Go suppress yourself I've got a headache. And hire an English major or two for God's sake.

___

(CNN) BERLIN, Germany (AP) -- A new luxury hotel will open next month on the site of Adolf Hitler's Alpine retreat, which served as a part-time seat of government where he and other Nazi leaders often met to plan Germany's assault on Europe and the Holocaust. The new hotel, the Intercontinental Resort Berchtesgaden, will open on the Obersalzberg mountaintop to guests on March 1, the Bavarian Finance Ministry said Thursday.

Personally, I don't think I could stay there. Its probably haunted with some very angry ghosts.

Yeah, is this the Concierge? Ah yes, this is 301. Could you please send up a map of Poland. Yeah...and also, do you know how far the Czech border is from here...really...so whats that road like?

[a couple of hours later - knock knock]

Yes?

Oh hello, I'm the Hotel Manager.

Is there a problem?

Well you see, this is kind of embarassing really, but I have to let you know that we have a strict policy about European conquest. Quite silly really, but we have had some problems in the past.

Oh, ok, well...

And also, we don't really allow visitors after 11pm so I'm afraid all those Generals are going to have to leave for the night.

Oh, they were just on there way.

Ok thanks.

___

Star Jones weighs in on the Tsunami tragedy and the wonderful mercy of God:

What Star Jones said:

"I was in Thailand for my honeymoon just a month ago. Thank God the tsunami didn't happen then. The Lord was looking out for me and I feel blessed."

What Jon Stewart said:

"God killed 160,000 people. Just because you werent there, thats not him blessing. My guess is that was an oversight. Seriously how far up your own ass do you have to be? I was almost killed in the Kennedy assassination. Six months before that, I was in a convertible."

What I said:

If she was dragged out to sea, it would have to be filmed and sponsored. This washing out to sea of Star Jones has been brought to you by... She would just float right back. Some people can't be shut up.

So this got me to thinking about having a swimsuit issue. I'm proud to present our first ever annual swim suit edition:

Click here for swimsuite issue

As they say in Calgary, whenever the Flames win: Oh Baby, you can put that one in the win column.

___

From the Guardian UK:

It appeared to be one of archaeology's most sensational finds. The skull fragment discovered in a peat bog near Hamburg was more than 36,000 years old - and was the vital missing link between modern humans and Neanderthals. This, at least, is what Professor Reiner Protsch von Zieten - a distinguished, cigar-smoking German anthropologist - told his scientific colleagues, to global acclaim, after being invited to date the extremely rare skull. However, the professor's 30-year-old academic career has now ended in disgrace after the revelation that he systematically falsified the dates on this and numerous other "stone age" relics.

I hate it when real and important science gets compromised by a clown. Now the creationist or intelligent designists or whatever they are calling themselves these days are going to use this as proof that evolution is bogus. Monkey trials everywhere. So what if the Neanderthals never lived in Northern France. They probably just did'nt like the caves.

More...

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The National Post goes hunting for Nazi war criminals:

Dr. Efraim Zuroff, a leading authority on Nazi war criminals, wants Canada to make a final push to hunt down such criminals. The world's foremost Nazi hunters want to place a bounty on Nazi war criminals hiding in Canada as part of a last-ditch plan to bring ageing Holocaust perpetrators to justice before they die. Discussions for a Canadian launch of Operation: Last Chance, an international effort by the Simon Wiesenthal Center, comes as the Jewish organization's chief Nazi-hunter, Efraim Zuroff, blasted Ottawa's handling of war criminals. He said the federal government's record of prosecuting those accused of committing atrocities during the Second World War and now living in Canada is dismal and distressing. "One of the places where nothing is happening is here. There is certainly a lack of political will in Ottawa," said Mr. Zuroff, who is based in Jerusalem and was visiting Toronto yesterday. "Canada is a safe haven for these guys. Sometimes the government does something to annoy them, but they don't get rid of them. It's like a hockey player who makes the moves, but can't put the puck in the net.

Its sort of a bad strategy though, tipping your hand like this. I'd be willing to bet that 9 out of 10 Nazi war criminals are daily readers of the National Post. Read their letters section, come on.

More...

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Atwood up for Booker

(CBC) WASHINGTON - Margaret Atwood is among a list of prestigious nominees for the first Man Booker International Prize. Atwood joined a celebrated group of contenders from 13 countries for the new $140,000 literary honour. She will compete with 17 authors, including Saul Bellow, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Gunter Grass, Ian McEwan, Philip Roth and John Updike.

That's quite the crowd to be in.

More...

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George Michael announces and explains sudden retirement

(BBC) Singer George Michael has said that a new film about his life is the start of a retirement from public view. The pop star said it would be a much more "behind the scenes affair", and called his own genre of music "dead". "I thought I should explain myself before I disappear," said Michael, who was at the Berlin film festival to launch the documentary. The film, A Different Story, chronicles Michael's life and career from the 1980s and his personal struggles. The 41-year-old chart-topper told reporters in the German capital that he wanted to "move his career into a different form", but added that he does not know what it is going to be yet. "I'm still going to be making music," he said, but added that he was "not going to be around".

Once in a while the punch line just writes itself: "Its always nice to go out at the top of your game."

Letters we got on this:

Dear Sirs,

Its hard hard work staying at the top all the time.

Regards,

Anna Kournikova

Dear Sirs,

I understand where he's coming from. I've been thinking of scaling back a bit.

Regards,

Leonard Nimoy

Dear Sirs,

Man, I was so lucky to get out when I did.

Regards,

Pete Best

More...

___

Catholic bishops: Over 1,000 new claims of abuse

(CNN) WASHINGTON (AP) -- The nation's Roman Catholic bishops said Friday that over the last year they received 1,092 new allegations of sexual abuse against at least 756 Catholic priests and deacons. Half of the accused priests over the past year had been previously accused of abuse, said Kathleen McChesney, executive director of the bishops' Office of Child and Youth Protection.

The Office of Child and Youth Protection? That's beyond creepy. I'll bet the Office of Child and Youth Protection gets quite a bit less money and attention than the Office of Preventing Gay People from Being Happy. If they put as much energy into fighting this as they do in fighting homosexuals then they could probably make some progress.

More...

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Speaking of institutional perversion. Steve West defends severance package:

(CanWest) Premier Ralph Klein's former chief of staff says he deserves a $180-thousand severance package after six months on the job. Steve West says he came from a very lucrative job in the private sector and the amount of money he made at his government job was less than half of what he previously earned.

So...he gave up what job exactly? The Inspector General of Dog neutering for the county of Glenfiddich? Its not the tax-payer's fault that West was a miserable failure in the impossible task of baby sitting Ralph Klein. When he was hired the Premier had lost control of everything and was drifting aimlessly. No one was about to listen to anything Steve West had to say. One thing the Tories have been pushing is the idea that every government department has to develop business plans and meet performance objectives. I think its called accountability.

___

Finally, a useful article from Fortune Magazine, explaining why CEO's are like babies. You would think that an article like this would not go over very well in Fortune Magazine. As you read it you may find yourself saying eggzactly out loudly.

Read it...

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(CBC)TORONTO - The companies that sell auto, home and business insurance to Canadians have reported record profits of $4.2 billion in 2004 – a figure the Consumers Association of Canada called "obscene." The industry's 206 companies also reported record return on equity of 20.6 per cent last year. "These financial results confirm that the P&C [property and casualty] insurance industry has returned to financial health following a period of the weakest earnings in its history," said Stan Griffin, president of the Insurance Bureau of Canada (IBC).

More Alberta Tory math: So lets see...my policy drops by $10 per year, but If I'm in an accident and get a "soft tissue injury" I better hope its an under $4000 soft tissue injury, otherwise I'll have to dip into that $10/per year savings reserve fund.

___

From the Sunday Mirror:

CAMILLA BANNED FROM WHITE HOUSE - GEORGE Bush has banned Camilla Parker Bowles from the White House - because she is a divorcee. The unprecedented snub has effectively sabotaged Charles's plan to take his bride on a Royal tour of America later this year. But the US President - a notoriously right-wing Christian and reformed alcoholic - told aides it was "inappropriate" for him to be playing host to the newly-weds, who are both divorcees.

They'll yank her off a plane, send her to Cuba in a hood, then claim there was a mix up with a terrorist named Camilla Tariq'Ak Barqoui. Can't wait till Charles drags it to Canada and the Monarchist League of Canada goes all nuts. What position will they take? On the one hand they are obsequious boot lickers...but on the other hand they can't very well be seen to approve of a commoner in the Royal Family. At least not an un-photogenic one. Oh, what a dilemma. Well at least Charles will leave Prince von Ribbentrop at home. Won't they have to give Camilla a title of some sort? Did'nt they make Wallace Simpson the Duchess of something something. She was quite un-photogenic as well. Can't wait to see how that plays out. I mean, everybody likes an accident scene. Oh like you don't read the articles about those two.

___ Please recommend this post

Daily Update

I say, the news is rather odd today, to wit:

(CBC)FRANKFURT - Doctors believe three German patients contracted rabies after receiving organ transplants from the same woman. The three people are in critical condition, the German Foundation for Organ Transplants said Wednesday. The organ donor had shown no signs of rabies before she died of a heart attack in late 2004, but tests have now proved that she had the viral disease, the foundation said.

Well, now that you mention it she was foaming at the mouth and barking. We thought she was just crazy, and when we see a crazy person its policy to take their organs. We are determined to get to the bottom of this. My associate Dr. Nick Riviera will be heading up the investigation. But you have to admit, Rabies, come on who would have thought of that. Frankly we think the media, specifically the CBC, is just trying to stir of trouble here.

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(BBC)Nigeria transvestite handed fine...The judge told 19-year-old Abubakar Hamza, who used his female identity to sell aphrodisiacs, to desist from "immoral behaviour". Mr Hamza, who appeared in court dressed in a pink kaftan and matching cap, said he was now "a reformed man". Since his arrest, he has become a celebrity in the strict Muslim city.
Posters of him dressed in women's clothing have been selling well.

After some discussion, we determined that transvestite is the correct term here. It simply means someone who wears opposite sex clothes. However there is still a raging debate over transvestism vs. transvestitism. The latter sounds too much like hypnotism, but don't send me any poetry. And if you wake up one day wearing some chick's clothes, I suppose you could say Hey man, I've been tranvestitised.

I think the guy is courageous to try this in a Muslim country. Obviously the courts did'nt find it amusing even though he has quite a pretty face when he's done up. Sometimes a guy can see another guy as being pretty and it does'nt mean anything except he's pretty. Just sayin...

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Giants to tackle Viagra spam ring

(CNN)The two [Microsoft and Pfizer] are filing 17 parallel lawsuits against two "international pharmacy spam rings" selling what they claim are generic versions of Viagra online. Pfizer said two websites named in the suit sold "potentially dangerous medications" unapproved by regulators.

Glad to know these two fine corporations are on it. I always look to Pfizer to tell me what drugs are not safe, and to Microsoft for secure computing. I'm sure they'll continue to work hard with a sustained vigor. What are parallel law suits? If you have 4 lawsuites and 2 of them go off at 90 degrees and sort of fall over do they become parallelogrammatic law suits? Anyone? Okay, you're a lawyer and a senior partner walks in and says, Bobby, those three parallel law suits you got going, the partners feel the clients would be better served by a right angle triangle law suit. Eventually, the lawyers are walking around with thick books on Pythagorus. (Oh, must I explain who Pythagorus is all over again.)

___

(CBC) EDMONTON - A former Alberta cabinet minister [Steve West] known for slashing government payrolls received a severance package of $180,000 after a few months on the job as Ralph Klein's chief of staff.

Not bad for a years worth of work that produced nothing of value except getting fired. But he did not do as well as Murray Smith who got a 1/2 million dollar severance along with a patronage appointment to be Alberta's Chief Bootlicker in Washington D.C. How do you get a severance and continue to be an employee?

The part that bugs me is that for 8 years West insulted every government employee and department he could find claiming they were lazy, corrupt, and overpaid. I guess he was partly right.

___

(CNN) Michael Jackson was on his way to court when he was taken ill. Mr Jackson, 46, fell ill on the way to court in Santa Maria on Tuesday where he was due to attend the jury selection process in his child abuse trial. Judge Rodney Melville, who is in charge of the trial, has postponed jury selection until next Tuesday morning. Mr Jackson has denied 10 counts of child molestation. Late on Tuesday, Chuck Merrill, a physician at the Marian Medical Center, said Mr Jackson was suffering from "a flu-like illness with some vomiting."

One of these days he will vomit and his nose and chin will just go flying off. I know for me when I vomit from the flu I immediately rush over to the emergency ward. The hospital I go to is really good. They have nice amenities like the red wine and the tuck in. I'd be vomiting too if Kobe Bryant was the best character witness I could come up with in a rape trial.

___

(CNN) Two "Dogs Playing Poker" paintings cleaned house at Doyle New York's annual Dogs in Art Auction, fetching a staggering $590,400, the auction house said.

Before the sale it was estimated that the two rare paintings from Cassius Marcellus Coolidge's 1903 series of dogs playing poker would fetch $30,000 to $50,000, Doyle said in a statement after Tuesday's auction.
The auction house said that, after intense bidding, "A Bold Bluff" and "Waterloo: Two" sold to a private collector from New York City. The buyer was not identified.

Of course Coolidge did have a few failures in his early career. Nine gerbils playing Dominos was widely hated by the critics.

The buyer was not identified? No shit. Sold to the batty dude with too much money and the sack over his head.

So...just after they sold the Monet and the 300 year old Wine, the auctioneer with a snooty tone says...The sequential narrative follows the same players in the course of a hand of poker...In the first painting, the St. Bernard holds a weak hand as the rest of the dogs maintain their best poker faces. In the next scene we see the St.Bernard raking in the large pot, much to the very obvious chagrin of the other dogs...gentlemen...to I hear half a million pounds...ah is that Lord Black...

That St. Bernard really pisses me off. So smug.

___

(CBC) A new reality show will aim to find the next Janis Joplin. Called Search for the Pearl, the series will feature auditions by vocalists trying to mimic Joplin's rough-voiced style. Perhaps best known for her cover of Kris
Kristofferson's Me and Bobby McGee, Joplin had a brief career before dying from a heroin overdose in 1970 at the age of 27.

O God no please stop. There was only one Joplin. Go imitate Amy Grant or something. Or here's an idea, stick all the contestants on an Island and give them an unlimited supply of Heroin. In related news...Renee Zelwegger will play Joplin in an upcoming bio movie, but fortunately they could not get rights to use any of the music.

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RSVP

Mr. & Mrs. Major Kipper Parker
Request the honor of your presence
At the marriage of their daughter
Camilla Parker-Bowles
To
Charles Philip Arthur George Windsor
Duke of Windsor
Son of The Unamused One & Phil The Greek
Marriage Ceremony to take place at 3:00 Pm
Holy Sisters of the Jesus-She-Really-Really-Is'nt Amused Cathedral
Reception to Follow
Shaganappi Golf & Country Club
Cocktails @ 6:30 pm
Dinner @ 8:00 pm
The Bride is Registered with Marks & Spencer

Formal Dress
No Kilts
Pantyhose
No Nazi Insignia
Proof of Aristocracy may be required.

Valet Parking (See Lord Black)



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Hockey Hearthrob Besmirched

The Moscow Times checks in with:

Hockey heartthrob Pavel Bure is suing Arbat Prestizh for 300 million rubles ($10.66 million) after the cosmetics chain's free promotional paper ran an article in which Bure brags about taking the virginity of tennis princess Anna Kournikova.

If the Russian-born National Hockey League star wins the suit, it would be one of the biggest awards for libel in the country's history.

"I believe that the magazine Arbat Prestizh Telegid disseminated information inconsistent with reality [and] besmirching my honor and dignity," Bure said in a filing to Moscow's Tagansky district court last week.

Took her Virginity? Where to? Having seen her play tennis a few times I've noticed she often gets her lunch money taken. Of course Kournikova will have to counter-sue Bure. How many women want to hear their ex base a law suit on the idea that their intimate moments caused him to be besmirched and de-dignified. Then Federov will counter-counter sue because after all, if Pavel has been besmirched then it seems to follow that Sergei was as well. A number of times probably, if you believe the Hockey News. Then Enrique Junior will have to sue somebody because you don't talk about a guy's girl like that. They'll all end up in court with Russia's version of Judge Lance Ito who won't understand a thing about anything and will spend years ruling on the sealed manilla envelopes people keep sending him. Finally, Jane Austin will be dug up and called as an expert witness on courting protocols. Sooner or later Chretien will show up with his golf balls and that will cause a mis-trial.

---

Dear Sirs,

After reading this story I was so distraught I immediatedly dropped from #2 to #7 in the Women's Tennis Association rankings.

Regards,
Amelie Mauresmo

---

Dear Sirs,

The players need to understand that the owners are totally united on this issue of protecting young russian woman tennis players, and thats why we need cost certainty through a salary cap.

Regards,
Gary Bettman

---

Dear sirs,

Hey, if you guys need some extra money or something for legal fees or whatever.

i'm just saying...

Regards,

Jose Theodore's mother

---

Dear Sirs,

Yeah, and I'm sitting here with three screaming babies married to that chick from full house. That's the way its always been, Pavel always gets besmirched never me.

Regards,

Valerie Bure

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Super Bowl Positives

Things that went ok at the Super Bowl

1. Terrell Owens did not accuse any teammates of being gay.
2. Paul Mccartney did not get acid reflux, his band played the right songs in the right order, and his boobs stayed in his shirt.
3. Former presidents Bush and Clinton were chumming around together promoting their role as goodwill ambassadors for Tsunami relief.
4. Former president Bush did not vomit on anyone.
5. Former president Clinton did not...well nevermind.
6. No one made racist comments with a microphone in their face.
7. The next day, the media was talking about the game, not about some freak, or some freak's sister.
8. No one mocked the dropping of the pants in the end zone.
9. Orenthal James stayed home.
10. Charlie Daniels did not pass out and fall into the mosh pit, thus saving the lives of many.
11. No female reporters had to interview Joe Namath, thus avoiding the dreaded drunken Celebrity French Kiss.

All in all, kind of dull.

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Answering Maching #1

ring...ring...ring...ring...

Hello, you've reached the Vatican, world headquarters for Catholicism. No one is here right now because we are very busy dealing with the heathen. Please leave a message after the beep.

[BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP]


[cough][cough]yeah, this is the Pope...[dry heaving noises] yeah, I don't think I can make it in today I'm pretty sick. [cough], so I'll call back later to update you...[wheezing]...oh yeah, can you please get Cardinal Biffle to start looking at those Gap Commercials with Sarah Jessica Parker, we need to get going on condemning those. [cough]. Bye.

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My Girlfriend is Mean and I'm Not Gay

Hi. Whats up y'all. My name's Jeff Garcia. You might remember me as QB for the Calgary Stampeders. Fourth leading passer in Club history. Y'all might of read some crappy stuff about me lately.

First I'm not gay. I'm dating a Playmate of the Year. Terrel Owens said that about me because he was a crappy reciever and coach would'nt let me throw to him very often. Where's he now? Exactly. In retrospect, I should not have started phoning up media outlets to deny that I was gay. That appears to not have helped much. Now they follow me around to see if I'm with a girl.

Then one night we head out to this bar in Cleveland called Tramps. Carmella - that's my Playmate of the Year girlfriend which proves I'm not gay - was in a foul mood, and I knew something was going to go off. Later, my ex shows up (also a woman) and starts causing trouble. I just wanted to leave but Carmella was dancing on a table. When she does that I just sort of ignore her. (Unless she tells me to do something) Suddenly it was like a Quentin Tarantino movie she was kung-fuing the ex swinging off this pole.

When I saw her swing off that pole and kick my ex in the head I was totally amazed man. I never saw anything like that in Calgary. She's such a dainty thing. It must have been those Rasberry Vodka Coolers. Later I said, hey, where'd you learn to swing off a pole like that but she just glared at me.

Well now we all have to go to court. I hope they put me on the stand and ask if I'm gay.

Some of you are making jokes about how my girlfriend had to fight another girl to protect me. Someone even joked that if my front line in Calgary had protected me like that we might have won more Grey Cups. That's not very funny. The truth is I was on the injured reserved list at the time so if coach found out I was scrapping in a bar with a chick he would not be a happy man. He's already over the edge about the gay thing.

Another thing, Carmella is not the "reigning" Playboy Playmate of the Year because Playmates of the Year don't reign. It's not like she runs around with a Tiara opening kids hospitals. God I hope she does'nt read this. Your always the Playmate of the Year for that Year its not like they all of the sudden decide they need a new Playmate of the Year for 1986. And the funny thing is they can't take it away from you because they found out you posed in Playboy. Ha! That one cracks me up.

Anyhoe, gotta run.


With non-gay material kindly provided by:
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/6815294/
http://www.outsports.com/nfl/2004/0812garciaowens.htm Please recommend this post

Right Out of The Ball Park

I was just listening to Janeane Garofalo on the Radio, and she was talking about David Frum. She called him an "all around douche bag". I thought that was pretty good, although understated. You don't often hear that kind of thing on the radio. It made me perk up.

Now a bit of sociology to explain: The Douche Bag Drain is the opposite of the Brain Drain. The Brain drain is when talented people go to work in the United States. Naturally, we would prefer these type of people stay here and work. The Douche Bag drain is the opposite. That's when people who are useless or obnoxious migrate to the United States (or Switzerland) and we end up pretending we don't know they're Canadian. Celine Dion? Canadian? Really? No I think she's Romanian. Yeah...I'm pretty sure.

Well that was nasty little piece, but I felt we needed to get it out of the way. I'm always happy to clarify these little things.
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Nazi Cleanup in Oregon

http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/01/29/nazis.road.reut/index.html

Nazis in Oregon? I thought they were more in Idaho and Lake Chapparal.

Nice to see they are suppporting their community as opposed to annexing Poland or committing mass murder. I wonder if they know that when they adopt a highway they have to clean up the trash from the ditches twice a year. I wonder if they'll only pick up the white trash. Don't you see the irony of the master race walking around with those little pointy sticks picking up trash. They'll probably use it as a teaching opportunity...Look around you Jimmy, trash everywhere, and do you know where it comes from? That's right Jimmy, the black man and the Jew put it here to keep the white man divided and confused...

I was thinking it would be fun to drive down that highway and throw paperbacks written by famous Jewish authors into the ditch. A little gas on the fire never hurt anyone.

---

Dear Sirs,

I once gave this crazy interview in Russia and I was going on and on and on and you know what - the translator was getting it all wrong. Anyhow, I just wanted to say those guys in Oregon probably have a lot of good ideas about looking after that highway. Lets just hope they don't go too far.

Regards,
Bobby Hull

Dear Sirs,

The problem with Nazi Germany as everyone knows is that the master race had no cost certainty and therefore could not remain competitive.

Gary Bettman

Dear Sirs,

Sounds fab. Do you know if they have an summer intern program?

Regards,
Prince Harry

Dear Sirs,

In those dark dark days following my Abdication, the Duchess and I and spent many lonely days in the Castle, our friends and family seemingly abandoning us, with only our undying love one for another keeping us sustained. Of course the garbage did pile up in the driveway. One would have given anything for a few kind Nazis to drop by and help us out, but alas, it was a time of war.

Regards,
Duke of Windsor (Posthumously)

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