Monday, November 29, 2004

Provincial Voting Results

Here are the voting statistics from last weeks election, by party.

Alberta Alliance77,5068.7
Alberta Green24,5882.7
Alberta Party2,485.28
New Democrats90,89710.21
Progressive Conservatives417,09246.83
Social Credit10,8741.22
Separation Party4,6800.53

If you break the vote down by the general point of view of the party it looks like this:

Conservative/Right: 57%

Liberal/Left: 43%

I'll have more to say about these numbers later, after I calm down a bit.

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Eric Margolis on Ukraine

Here is a really good article on the Ukraine, by Eric Margolis.

You may have seen this in your Sunday Daily Bikini but this is the un-edited version.
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Movie review

I finally got to see the controversial new Spiderman movie. I had been putting it off because I had heard that it was fairly intense and violent, and possibly anti-semitic. Relocating the Spiderman story to ancient Palestine under Roman occupation was an artistic risk but it actually worked because Spiderman is the Greatest Story Ever Told and transcends locale.

The movie was widely criticized because of alleged anti-semitism. Sure, J.J. Jameson was clearly portrayed as a stereo-typed Jewish Media executive, but did J.J. Jameson kill Spiderman? I don't think so. I think we all killed Spiderman.

This movie shows us the suffering and sacrifice Spiderman made because he loves us, and gave us hope that Spiderman lives and wants to have a relationship with us.

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NP apologizes for Slander

Wow, completely unexpected apology.

TORONTO(CBC) - The National Post has apologized for a column that hinted Governor General Adrienne Clarkson is having an affair. In the Wednesday edition of the paper, the Post's editors said a Monday column by Gillian Cosgrove contained "fundamental errors and intentional misrepresentations." Titled "Saul Skips Governor's Gala," the column quoted an unnamed insider who said that Clarkson and Iceland's ambassador, Gudmundur Eiriksson, have developed "a close friendship."

I guess you should apologize when you lie in print. No apology yet for a decade of turgid and incomprehensibly inane political commentary which assumed that anyone reading was a complete idiot, mean-spirited and really wanted to soak up senile diatribes from a fake aristocrat, his wife, or their collection of obsequious toadies.

Woah that one got away.

The question is: why does the National Post hate Adrienne Clarkson so much?

And thats your homework assignment for today. Please, no more than 200 words.
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Shiksa causes near boycott

Sarah Jessica Parker enraged the Jewish Orthodox community in Israel by appearing in a billboard ad for Lux soap showing just a little too much Sarah and not enough of Sarah's clothes.

Such a thing cannot be done.

Unilever Corporation got a phone call from the Chief Rabbi who noted that it would be fairly easy for him to organize a product boycott. Not long after the ads were replaced with the same Sarah Jessica but with just a bit of a more dress.

You can see the before and after here:

[Ring][Ring]..Yes, this is the Chief Rabbi...What? Lenny Kravitz is doing a Gap ad...Sure, I'll take a look at it right away...

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George's Diary

Dear Diary,

Well tomorrow I'm heading off for Canada. First we stop in Halifax on my way to see President Poutine. I'm a little worried about leaving Dick alone. Last time I went to the ranch for 3 weeks he sorta went nuts. I turn on Fox and we're in friggin Iraq. I have to thank some people in Halifax for God only knows what before we fly to Ottawa. Did they even vote for us? I'm a little scared though because we have to fly over Frenchy territory to get there. What if we have to land? I remember that science fiction movie with Kirk Russel where the President gets stuck in New York and its a big prison and Kirk Russel has to go in and save him. I'd love to be saved by Kirk Russel. He'd be wearing one of those muscle shirts with a couple of guns slung over his shoulder and all sweaty and stuff...(*Sigh*)

Anyhow I thought I was going to speak to the Canadian Parliament, but now Dick says no. You know why? They can't get me a standing ovation cause they're full of commies. I don't know why I even bother with those weenies. So I'm speaking at a private function, you know full of my kind of people.

On Tuesday night I'm going to a sleepover with Stockwell Day, Stephen Harper and David Frum. (Mental note: Don't say nothing to Poutine or Steamship guy about the sleepover, they're not invited...) I'm still mad at that Frum for bragging about inventing the "Axis of Evil" phrase. Everyone knows I thought that up. Honestly, I fire the guy and he writes a book about how great I am and how much he loves me. Is that pathetic or what. I hope Stock does'nt make us listen to his Toby Keith CD's all night. If that Harper were a girl I'd be on him like a starved dog on a meat wagon.

Where is Poutine these days anyway? They keep making me talk to that Jimmy Martin guy. He's nice and all but quite frankly I don't thinks he's in control.

I know its really sick, but I can't stop thinking about that Carolyn Parrish chick. Who knew that kind of raw hatred could be such a turn on. I've tried to get Laura to talk mean to me like that but she just won't do it. I'm hoping I can ditch Laura for a while and hook up with Parrish even if its just for a while. Maybe I could send Laura off with Billy's wife for a while or that Chinese Queen chick. (What kind of Country has a Chinese Queen.)

After I get away from Poutine I have to go meet with Stephen Harper. But I'm not meeting with those other guys Jack and Jill. (Is that a joke?) Anyway, Harper really really tires me out. He's so needy. Apologizing all the time about Canada having its own foreign policy and asking to come to the ranch. I keep sending people up there to help him get elected but it never works. Whatever.

Will write some more later. Ta.
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Sunday, November 21, 2004


Monday, November 22, 2004:

Remember to vote. If you don't know where to go you can go to:

Warning: The web-site is designed very badly. I tried about 20 different variations of my address but the search was never able to find my polling station. I know very well they can find this info off the postal code alone. (They say tired corrupt governments benefit from low voter turn-out. Hmmmm...)


For further information, contact the Voter Information Centre at 1-(780)-422-VOTE (8683) or 1-877-422-VOTE (8683).
Monday - Friday: 8:00am - 9:00pm
Weekends: 9:00am - 4:00pm


You can dress up as a drunk homeless person and stand on the corner. Eventually a van with Tory campaign workers will pick you up and tell you what to do. Do everything they tell you to do, play dumb, then vote for Not-The-Tory.
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Grey Cup Prediction 2

Actually, what i meant to say...

Never bet against a 41 year old Quarterback who can barely walk.

Especially if that Quarterback was developed by the Edmonton Eskimos.

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Grey Cup Prediction

Here is it for the record:

B.C. Lions by 2 points.

You would be foolish to bet against a team coached by Wally Buono.

And one more thing...NO MANURE ON ANYONE'S LAWN! Thats un-Canadian.

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Monday, November 15, 2004

New Microsoft Search Engine

Microsoft is set to kick off yet another internet search engine. The search engine will be able to find sites that are geographically close to you and be able to accept natural language queries.

Natural language queries are questions you can ask a program and have it understand what you mean and produce results. Microsoft gives the example of What is the capital of Turkey? The seems to work fine until you flip the question around and ask "What country has Ankara as its capital?". Now its not so smart. Natural language processing has never really worked perfectly and you are likely to get your share of bizarre results. Its really kind of a useless feature.

With a gazillion dollars to spend on marketing Microsoft may tip the balance against Google. Thus, a crappy incomplete product will become the universal standard.

You can try out the beta version here.

More articles here.

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UofA Pandas arouse National Post

EDMONTON - The University of Alberta Pandas volleyball players are willing to make their point about the female body. Even if it costs them a point every time they do it. The team is flouting new rules established for Canada West university volleyball that forbid them from changing from warm-up T-shirts into game uniforms at courtside. Doing so leaves them momentarily exposed in their sports bras. "Maybe it makes people uncomfortable -- maybe it does in our own gym as well. I don't know," said 22-year-old Panda Janna Konihowski. "But we aren't ashamed of our bodies. Should we be? Should we be hiding in the corner?" The Pandas have paid for their stand on the scoreboard, penalized the opening point of each match last week in a two-game sweep over the University of Saskatchewan.


Is the National Post still in business? I thought Lord Black drained them. Oh yeah, they're part of that Global Crouton media empire. This story follows a time honoured hack tradition of leading off with something [apparently] salacious in order to get you to read their other weird stuff.

Maybe instead of writing a lengthy and dull diatribe on sports bras they could have pointed out that this team is 18-3-0, and is well coached and highly successful. Don't they have editors? As luck would have it this weekend they are playing back to back games in Calgary. We fully intend to send one of our Interns over to the game to see if this situation is a serious as the National Post would have us believe.

Here is their schedule.

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Author speaks out, marries.

Satanic Verses author Salman Rushdie has called on [the American] Congress to remove anti-terror laws which allow US officials to monitor citizens' reading habits. Rushdie, 56, said he was concerned by government bodies "noseying into what should be personal creative space". He presented a 180,000-name petition asking Congress to repeal portions of the Patriot Act which give access to book-buying and library records.

Fat chance infidel. I don't think you want to be talking to them like that. You might want to tone it down a bit. I would'nt want to see you get yanked off a plane if you know what I'm saying....

But later in the same article, a shocking revelation...

Rushdie married Indian actress Padma Lakshmi in April.

What? How come we did'nt get that at the beginning of the article. I thought they busted up. He referred to her as an air-head in an interview which I don't imagine went over too well. She speaks five languages you know. Married? Wow did'nt see that one coming.

So, how does Cat Stevens/Yusef Islam figures into all this?

Apparently Rushdie was miffed when Mr. Islam did not denounce the Fatwah placed on him by the Ayatollah Khomeini after he published the Satanic Verses and other works, which the Ayatollah deemed blasphemy. Mr. Islam's (apparent) failure to condemn the Fatwah led many to believe he approved of it.

In summary, you have one group who wants to kill an author for writing the wrong book, another group that wants to arrest a reader for reading the wrong book. This can't turn out well.
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Friday, November 05, 2004

Hating Public Education

LITTLE EGG HARBOR, N.J. -- Parents whose children attend a New Jersey intermediate school want answers after a National Guard jet fighter shot up the school during a practice run.

They must have thought there were Canadian Soldiers there.


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