Thursday, June 16, 2005

Football Is Back

I've seen 2.5 preseason games and I'm confident in my prediction that the Edmonton Eskimos will be this year's winner of the Grey Cup.

If you'd like to sing the Eskimo's team song or download a cheesy mp3 of that song then go here. Please recommend this post

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Grewel is So Stupid...

My contribution to Grewelpalooza. I want to accumulate a list of Grewel is so stupid...punch lines. Help me out. Here's a few to start out:

Grewel is so stupid he told Dosanj to meet him on the corner of walk and don't walk.
Grewel is so stupid he stared at an orange juice label all day because it said concentrate.

I know you all can do better. Lets hear them. (Keep it clean)

And when we're done that I want to ask a burning question:

Who's running the Ninabot while Gurmand recuperates at home? Please recommend this post

Monday, June 13, 2005

On Being TKO'd

Mike Tyson (above) was blasted into this career ending position by an unknown boxer. In what is left of his mushy brain he contemplates his future. We like to think that even with the limited bandwith there is a thought somewhere in there along the lines, hmmm, now I know what Robin Givens felt like...

Meanwhile, Mr. Harper has been knocked on his ass as well, by a combination of Gurmant Grewal, Sun Media, and the Order of the Backstabbers of the Common Sense Revolution, the latter a Seniors group from Ontario.

Possible replacements that are being thrown around (wait for the punch line please):

Stockwell Day
Jim Flaherty
Tom Long
Potato Pete

Actually I don't have a punch line, but really do we need one here? The only thing I could think of is an old proverb that is on the tip of my tongue but defies the keyboard....something about a dog eating its own vomit...anyone?

Maybe Mr. Harper will also have a Robin Givens moment as well. From here on in he is going to feel like Preston Manning more and more every day. Please recommend this post

More Important Than Grewalpalooza

Episode #5 of Dog Judo is now out: Please recommend this post

Sheep River Disaster

If you drive south and west from Calgary you will see the most spectacular scenery. Turner Valley is a small town in the foothills that lives off the Sheep River. The primary activities in the area are Oil & Gas, Ranching, and Forestry. The picture above is nothing like what the Sheep river looks like now. For the past week Southern Alberta has been pounded by heavy rainstorms causing swollen rivers and flooding. There is now an emerging story about what could prove to be an environmental catastrophe.

The abandoned Turner Valley Gas Plant is owned by the Province and sits on the shore of the Sheep River. The flooding eroded the shore and caused contaminated soil to wash into the river. The soil contains hydrocarbons and heavy metals that have now contaminated the watershed. The town had been trying for some time to get the Province to clean up the site. There was probably no profit motive in doing so. They could not find a Tory friendly company to give a sweetheart deal to. And they also could not pry the money out of their five billion dollar surplus. How much money could it cost to build a retaining wall facing the river? It is not like they have not had high waters here before. It was an accident waiting to happen.

The Province was fairly quick to send their no-name spokesman out to deny that there is a problem. The town is convinced that this is a major concern which prompts the no-name spokesman to refer to them as fearmongers. (Which shows you how elitist and out of touch this Government has become.) No sight of the Environment minister so far. I expect any moment now that the Government will announce that the science around heavy metal toxicity in water is questionable. It is a liberal conspiracy like Global Warming. They have never had a good relationship with science.

Besides, the Tories are very busy right now and should'nt be interupted with mere poisoning. They are planning more tax cuts and continue to work on the public health care plan which has been 12 years in the making. And then there is the ongoing war against homosexuality which I imagine is quite draining. A few years from now when Cancer and Liver problems start showing up in these communities, the Government will deny that it relates. Here's another tax cut, stop yipping about your Liver. You're just a fearmonger.

These days I keep wondering how many more ways this Government will find to screw people. They have never been a Government for the people and never will be. Please recommend this post

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Name Change Help

Okay my valued readers, I need your help. I've been thinking for some time about changing the name of this blog to something more meaningful. Five of Five started out a long time ago as a joke based on my being the fifth of five children. It was a cry for help because of the massive abuse inflicted on me merely because I was the youngest. [cue violin] Needless to say it does'nt communicate much.

So far I've been tossing around the following names:

1. tenpenny thunderclap

This was the nickname given to the Scotsman newspaper in the 1800's when it came on the scene as a radical newspaper. Its a bit obscure.

2. northwest rebellion

Alberta was part of the original Northwest and I think we're due for another rebellion. More on that later.

3. the calgary git

I would'nt use this cause its too close to Calgary Grit. I just thought it was funny cause occasionally i get called a GIT.

4. kobayashi maru

People might not get that Star Trek reference. It would make a cool name though.

5. aaaaaaa blog

Only cause it would get me to the top of blog rolls. Cheap trick. Save it for the yellow pages.

6. rippy the gator

Ripped off from the song by the Arrogant Worms:

cause rippy the gator went chomp, chomp, chomp!
Rippy the gator went chomp, chomp, chomp!
Passing the time by ending children’s lives
Down in the bottom of the swamp, swamp, swamp..

Anyway, it has nothing to do with content, but it might be a funny title.

7. cheap throat

An homage to the Nixon era and Mark Felt, Daniel Ellsberg, etc.

8. Leg Humper of the Great White North (LHGWN)

Ok, so its not particularly wholesome imagery. But it does provide some symbolism for writing about canadian society.

9. The Alienationist

Debunking of western alienation anyone?


Naturally, your input is appreciated.

Update: Added #9. Fixed's retarded translation of special chars. Please recommend this post

Friday, June 03, 2005

Book reading quiz

I've been tagged by Daveberta to complete the following short quiz about my reading habits. It is interesting the way these things spread across the web. At the end I'll leave you with special instructions on how you can participate.

# of Books that I own

Last count about 1000. This summer is the great clear out project. Except the ones I really like.

Last book I bought (not including text books):

The Sweet Hereafter by Russel Banks. I have not seen the movie so don't tell me how it ends. So far it seems like a pretty sad story.

Last books I read:

Fifth Business - Robertson Davies

This is the first of a trilogy that I read a long time ago but have no recollection of ever reading.

MySQL and Perl for the Web

Geek Alert. A well written introduction to using the Perl programming languange with the MySQL database server. Lots of good examples and easy to read. They make is seem soooo easy.

Five Books that mean a lot to me.

1. John Stuart Mill - On Liberty

One of the books that the conservative cultural censors don't want you to read because it talks about freedom and tolerance and other non-conservative values.

2. Martin Fowler - Patterns Of Enterprise Application Architecture

I've read a number of Fowler's books. He has a rare gift of being able to write clearly about technology. This book has a lot of practical knowledge about how complicated applications are put together.

3. Gang of Four - Design Patterns

The book started out as a post-graduate study of how applications are written, but ended up becoming a de facto standard on software design patterns.

4. T.S. Eliot - Collected Poems 1909-1962

My favourite poet. Favourite poem: The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, and The Waste Land.

5. M. Scott Peck - The Road Less Travelled.

This book helped me understand why all of you are so screwed up and why I am just fine.

Ok, now your instructions.

1. If you own a blog and have not yet done this survey, consider yourself tagged. Go do it now. I said NOW.
2. If you own a blog and have not yet done this survey, but have to go pick up your wife, go pick up your wife first, then do the survey.
3. If you do not have your own blog, or you have already done the survey, ignore these instructions.
4. If you do not have your own blog, hav not done the survey, but have to pick up your wife, then go pick up your wife. Thats all you have to do.
5. If you don't have a wife and don't have your own blog, don't do anything.
6. If your wife is picking you up, and you have your own blog, wait for your wife first and then update your blog.
7. If your wife is NOT picking you up and you don't have your own blog, then just wait for some more instructions.

Lets see...have I missed any scenarios? Please let me know if I have.

Update: June 10, 2005
I told you Martin Fowler was a good author. Now I'm getting search engine hits on that name. I apologize to anyone looking for real or useful information. Please recommend this post