Sunday, August 07, 2005

Phrases that really bug me

1. I have to tell you...

No you don't. You could just shut up. This is one of Paul Martin's favourites preambles to some earth shattering observation.

2. To be completely frank...

You can't be Frank, Frank is Frank. And you better not be in Earnest because the Bishop will find out.

3. More about that later...

Oh, I can hardly wait. I bet you'll have a bunch of commercials in between.

4. Any sentence ending in "period".

This usually means the speaker is lying, as in: "I have never used steroids. Period..", as in Rafael Palmeiro testifying under oath before the United States Congress.

5. And I was like...and she was like

Thats so old. So 12. Valley girls used to be interesting. Now they're just weiners.

6. These are memories we'll have forever...

I already have too many of those. Can't we drop some memories for a change. Can Scientology help with this?

7. Any smear that uses the adjectives radical, elite.

Consider this exchange between George Stephanopoulos and Senator Rick Santorum, regarding his new book in which he smears feminism and women who have jobs.

STEPHANOPOULOS: Let's talk about something else in the book, radical feminists. A second quote from the book, you say, Respect for stay-at-home mothers has been poisoned by a toxic combination of the village elders' war on the traditional family and radical feminism's mysogynistic crusade to make working outside the home the only marker of social value and self-respect.

Let's get specific here. Name one or two of these radical feminists who are on this crusade.

SANTORUM: Well, I mean, you know, you have - you go back to, what's her name, well, Gloria Steinem, but I'm trying to remember - I can't remember the woman's name. It's terrible. Anyway...

STEPHANOPOULOS: But it's kind of an important point. Because you paint this broad brush: radical feminists, village elders. Name one.

SANTORUM: There's lots of - no, there's lot's of - well, Gloria Steinem. There's one. I mean, there's lots of writings out there...

STEPHANOPOULOS: She's been on a crusade against stay-at-home moms?

SANTORUM: There's lots of writings out there, and there is an opinion by the elite in this country across academia, across the media, that stay-at-home motherhood is not adequately affirmed and respected by our society.

What or who exactly is he talking about? Gloria Steinem University Professors and the media are all ganging up and forcing women to work outside the home? You hear this kind of smear all the time and it never makes any sense.

Or consider this dim-wittery from the Vancouver Sun, which is one of the worst papers in the Country:

Ranged against the Canadian champions of economic conservatism are most of the social sciences and humanities professoriat of the country's public university system, much of the media, particularly the CBC, and an intellectual establishment whose current favoured sons and daughters include John Ralston Saul, Mark Kingwell, Naomi Klein and Michael Adams. What they have in common is their construction of an idea of Canada on the basis of anti-Americanism. This is a very old and very Canadian enterprise.

He does'nt specifically use the word elite(s) but you get the picture. John Ralston Saul, Naomi Klein, the CBC, etc are all ganging up to ruin Canada for Conservativism through anti-Americanism. That is a rather broad slur and can hardly be taken seriously because it is so weird. Don't they teach people how to write anymore. How can you get a job at a newspaper writing junk like that. Is he (Stephen Brooks) mad because some people have a point of view he does'nt like? These kind of writers almost always end up pushing some kind of McCarthyism.

8. I have no idea...

The questions was not whether you had an idea or not (we already know you do not) the questions was how the steroids got into your sample, or, how long you will be screwing around in Iraq.

9. I know deep in my heart that I have never done anything like that.

Deep in my heart meet the evidence. You two have some things to work out so we'll just leave you alone for a while. In the meantime what are we supposed to do with this video clip of you getting spanked by a man in a clown outfit? You're sick man, just sick.

10. Its ok, we can just restore the backups...

Anytime you here this, run. Game over. Start sending out resumes.

11. Speaking the truth to power

I don't know why, but I hate this phrase. It sounds so pretentious. How about just speaking the truth. Sometimes we can dilute the meaning by overdecorating the language. Anyway, usually power does not listen.

12. Your call is important to us.

I feel so much better. Something can be important and ignored at the same time. Thank you for calling Telus. We're very busy right now Union busting and knocking heads around. Someone will be with you shortly. It could be a know-nothing member of our middle management bloat. Whatever.
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