Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Asymetrical Blogger Rage

More awful news:


In response to grandstanding and potentially threatening suicides among terror suspects at Guantanomo bay 20 Senior Pentagon officials committed suicide today. A spokesperson for the Pentagon, speaking on condition of anonymity said the Generals decided to show an overwhelming show of force in response to the asymetrical warfare being waged by three detainees at Guantanamo.

The spokesperson went on to say that the Generals would stop killing themselves just as soon as the detainees stopped killing themselves in such a dramatic and attention seeking manner. The European Union has condemned the Pentagon for what they believe is an over-reaction, but President Bush defended the suicide offensive saying that the detainee suicides were a threat to America and its values. My most important job, said President Bush, is to protect the American people from attention seeking suicides.

Peter Mackay appeared to be caught off guard when asked how long it would take to evacuate all the Canadians at the Pentagon who are in extremely dangerous circumstances with all the swinging bodies and stray self-inflicted gun shots. Mackay said the External Affairs is doing all it can and that he has been masterbating quite a bit lately.

Vice President Cheney was at the top of a list of senior administration officials who were scheduled to commit suicide today if cease-suicide demands were not met. A spokesperson for Cheney's office indicated that he received a deferment due to an heretofore undetected pilodinal cyst. In Cheney's place suicides will be carried out by two data entry clerks and a yet to be outed CIA analyst.

Prime Minister Harper issued a statement saying the Americans had a right to defend their country and that so far he considered their response measured, and also noted that President Bush and his administration were a beacon of light and hope to the world.

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