Wednesday, November 15, 2006

O.J. Bludgeoned: Here's How

I was just sitting around thinking what it would take to make me more depressed and disaffected than I already am when I read about Rona Ambrose acting like a 4 year old in front of the whole world. At first I thought, this whole Global Warming issue is being so mishandled by our government that I would rather tell someone I'm from Kazakastan rather than Canada. And then I realized I liked being a Canadian, I was really just embarassed that Rona Ambrose was a Canadian. Whole lotta realizing going on there. Maybe its just as well. I hate the science fetish our society has. Proof this. Logic that. Pfft. The earth has survived for 6000 years, its pretty tough.

Then I read about O.J. Simpson. Desperate to get back in the news and probably short on cash:

In a bizarre move his publisher says amounts to a confession, O.J. Simpson has written a book that speculates how, hypothetically, he could have killed his ex-wife and her friend.

I almost frikkin cried when I read that. It makes slowly going blind seem cruel. Is this man even human? You wonder to what extent people like O.J. will go to hurt their families even more than they (allegedly) already have. I think he's sociopathic to the core.

Supposing that someone snuck into O.J.'s house and bludgeoned him with a stuffed Manatee, which is an illegal thing to have by the way. I'd like to write a book about that explaining how, theoretically, I would do it if, theoretically, I was the one with the Manatee bludgeoning. I won't be in Florida next week. Not at all.

For example, someone could, theoretically, strap O.J. to the roof of my/their Blue Ford and cruise up and down a major freeway. I'd have a big sign that said, If you want my ideas on how a former NFL star could be bludgeoned and tied to the roof of a car please buy my book on how I think it might have gone down. The book would have uncanny, eye-brow raising detail.

Maybe when Canada is at the bottom of the list of environmentally responsible nations, Rona Ambrose can write a book that explains how, if one were to destroy the environment, here's a few thoughts on how it might be done.

Disclaimers: Not advocating bludgeoning. All suspects are entitled to a fair defense. Offer void in Quebec and Maine. No Manatees were harmed during this post.
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