Wednesday, March 07, 2007

The Traditional Definition of Shame

My neighbour has porno magazines all over the back seat of his car. I noticed it last week when I was getting out of my car because they park next to me on my driver's side. I've been obsessing about it because I find his insouciance is upsetting. And its not even classy porn like Playboy, but the lower end of the filth spectrum. Not that any porn is classy but you know what I mean. Let's just say that those woman are never going to have a Federal Judge rule over where they get buried.

I always see this dude or his wife in the parking lot. They're usually nicely dressed and always say hi to me. On Saturday I came home the same time the wife did. I got out of my truck while she was getting some packages out of the back seat. She said hi to me and asked me how I was. My mind raced 90 miles an hour. It was -15 and sweat spurted out of my forehead. She had put her shopping bags right on top of the porno mags. Nonchalantly. Defiantly even. I stammered that I was fine and ran into the house.

I had a flashback to grade 5. Me and two friends had a stack of playboy mags that we traded around. Although now that I think about it I'm not sure I ever got them. My friend was deathly afraid that one of our parents would find and confiscate them so he had a long list of hiding techniques and rules.

My other friend, after many months of pleading, finally got his turn to take the stash home. He hid them very carefully and cleverly in his bedroom following our other friends detailed instructions. Within a day his mother found every single one of them.

She never said a word but stacked them all up nicely and orderly on his night table, in descending date order. My friend freaked out called me over. I rolled around on the floor and could'nt stop laughing until I almost threw up. He hid them again. The next day, same thing. Big pile of neatly stacked date sorted porno.

We never really knew whether she just did'nt care or did'nt bother to look at the covers. His dad never said anything either. I've never seen anyone so scared in my entire life.

The other friend went on to become a civil servant. I often think of him handing a manilla folder to somebody important, which is supposed to contain a study of wolverine migration patterns in north western b.c. but instead contains a well thumbed copy of TRIPLE-D!.

Is that what the world has come to? People now leave their sleazy porno lying around anywhere without the slightest bit of shame. I'll never be able to have a normal conversation my neighbours again. Please recommend this post

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