Give

I know, I know, you're seeing it every where you go. But it really is a major disaster down in New Orleans. Last night the BBC said it was the worst natural disaster in American history. Please click through the Liberal Blogosphere for Hurricane Relief
link on the right, which is an initiative of some American liberal blogger groups to raise money through their readers. Or, check out some of my personal choices below:


Canadian Red Cross
World Vision Canada
Canadian Mennonite Disaster Services
Unitarian Universalist Service Committee Please recommend this post

Rebuilding

I'm currently rebuilding my template. This one is xhtml 1.0 so it should be interesting. In the meantime nothing will be as it seems. If it were a tv show it would be the twilight zone. Please recommend this post

Random Observations About Oliver Stone's Alexander

1. Alexander's father Philip of Macedonia was played by Val Kilmer. Val frikkin Kilmer. I did'nt recognize him with the scruffy beard, the prosthetic mangled left eye, and the ridiculous Irish accent. Yes, in order to play an ancient Macedonian king it was necessary to cultivate that Irish accent. I think he just felt out of place. Almost all the actors in this movie had Irish or Scots accents. It does'nt really bother me if actors speak in their natural tone in a movie about the ancient world, but an American faking an Irish accent kind of made me laugh.

2. Angelina Jolie played Alexander's mother Olympias. Nobody told her that the other actors were just using their natural accents so she put on this thick Greek/Russian accent. It was so ridiculous I literally fell on the floor laughing clutching my gut. I had to go take a break. It was a cross between Ariana Huffington, Eva Gabor, and Natasha from Rocky and Bulwinkle. There was probably some joke between her and Val O'Kilmer. At least she did'nt wear an eye patch.

3. Some guy playing one of Alexander's generals had a fairly pronounced Scottish accent. It must have rubbed him the wrong way to be playing in a movie about Alexander the Great because the Scots harbour a belief that they are the only ones who have ever conquered the world. Anyway, this guy kept saying by Zeus!. I wonder if even Macedonians or Greeks ever said by Zeus!. I think they said by Zeus! in that cartoon about Hercules.

4. The soundtrack by Vangelis was horrible, even by Vangelis standards. It was loud and screechy and gave me a headache. What would happen if you left the music out and just let the scene and the dialogue carry things? Oh, sorry I forgot, the main star is Colin Farrell. Picture this, after Oliver Stone yells cut on the 49th take: Yeah Colin, a word please, yeah, it is'nt quite working. You see Colin, there's going to be a lot of electronic junk music in the background and I'm just concerned you're going to get out-acted by it.

5. The soundtrack (again). It reminded me of John Cleese in Monty Python's Cheese Shop Sketch when he shoots the Bazouki player.

6. Colin Farrell. Simpson's Comic Book guy voice: Worst actor ever. There are several sub-plots going on where Alexander's soldiers plot mutiny and assassination. One begins to see the rationale.

7. I think Oliver Stone was trying to be clever and create an allegory about current American delusions of Imperialism. It does'nt really work very well that way. For one thing you can hardly compare Alexander the Great to President Bush. Alexander was considered highly educated, relative to his time and peers. Alexander led his army into battle and risked his life. For another thing, Alexander was fairly successful at conquering his enemies. He was a good conqueror. Nobody knows how to conquer anymore.

8. The movie does capture the endless bragging of the Imperialist. Alexander is always going off on demagogic rants about how they are going to build a great world and how all the other cultures are inferior and how they desperately need the Empire's know how, values, religion, and so on. Sound familiar?

9. Now I'm not saying you should not watch this movie. Watch it. Make up your own mind. Far be it from me to tell you what to do after watching a movie about global domination. No really, don't listen to me.

I'm exhausted now. My fingernails all turned purple. Now to start working on my next movie review. Your going to love that one.

PS This post really got mangled in the blogspot meatgrinder. I may have to make further corrections. Please recommend this post

Sunday Lazy Bitching

Yesterday (Sunday) was one of the warmest days I can remember this summer. There was zero wind which is unusual for Calgary, and not a cloud in the sky. By 3pm I was sacked, drained by the heat. I could'nt even pass gas. I tried to do some reading out on the patio but quickly got fried. Since I can't relax at all anymore I stared up for a while at the huge Oak tree that lives on my front lawn. I know it sounds candy-assy but I love that tree. I'm guessing it is 30 or 40 years old. It was probably there when they first developed this area. Thanks for not chainsawing it. When that wore thin I wandered aimlessly around the house looking for things to throw out. Rat packing never disappoints.

By around 11 the people next door started full tilt into their party which relocated from their Condo out onto the green space between the buildings. They were probably university students throwing off steam on their last free weekend. Every once in a while someone would walk out there and tell them to stfu, but it did'nt really help. I suppose I could have been angry too but I was'nt sleeping anytime soon, and besides, there is so much hatred in the world, I can hardly begrudge some friends to have some fun together on a warm summer night. Ten years from now they'll all probably have kids and live in the suburbs, be miserable, and they'll be voting for the latest incarnation of the anti-Canadian western alienation movement. But tonight they're just wild noisy self-absorbed drunks.

Around this time the wind really picked up and I sat around outside listening to Oak tree take its usual wind beating. I was so restless I decided to go for an almost frozen churned up soft drink and headed out to a convenience outlet that was at least 30 km away. While driving over the 85th street bridge, the bridge whose walkway collapsed because of an engineering error, I noticed that the almost full moon was hanging in the east over the Bow river and lighting it up. I almost crashed that was such a site. Unexpected beauty. You can almost always find it but never if you're looking for it. (Lets have a Haiku contest -ed) The Bow is shallow in most places, clear and moves quickly so the moon's light bounced around like crazy. The North Saskatchewan in Edmonton is slow, brown(from silt and mud, not poop), and turgid. Still, the Edmonton river valley is pretty in its own way.

In the convenience store there was a little girl no more than 10 or 11 by herself, wandering around the chip section talking to her father on a cell phone. This struck me as odd since it was around 1am. Her main questioning, repeatedly, seemed to be about dad's sobriety. Its been my belief for a while now that if you have to ask the same question 10 times in a row drunkeness could in fact be a factor. (Some akward wording there. -ed) Outside the Freaky-Mart there was a gang of at least 20 young people. I don't know how old they were. Just sitting around on the pavement. Almost every day I feel deep regret about not having children of my own, but then there are moments when I wonder exactly how I would feel about my busty 16 year old daughter sitting on the pavement outside a Freaky-Mart at 1am wearing a much too small halter top. I don't think I'd do well with that.

By the time 3am rolled around I was still wired and pissed because I had a ton of things to do monday morning and a work project to get finished. I alternated between reading a stupid book and rolling around in the dark. The one thing I absolutely hate the most is not sleeping. It drives me nuts which unfortunately is a stimulant. I fell asleep just in time for the asshole neighbour above me to begin his 6:30 am ritual of waking everyone up within 300 meters. Thus begins another day of functioning on a few hours sleep. I wish every day could be Sunday. Please recommend this post

Photo Album 1

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The first time is saw this picture was in one of the engineering buildings at the University of Alberta. They had it blown up on the main wall as you entered the building. I suppose it was a reminder to the engineering students that they better pay attention in all those math classes. I've never been able to find any info at all on this accident. (Sorry about the bitsmutshing in the middle of the picture. FTP did that. )

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I hate it when I go to a web site and a script breaks and pukes all over the screen. And I just don't think I could vote for someone who leaves their website like this.

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I think we know who the moran is. And I think we know who he voted for.

I had the strangest conversation with Judge Roberts this morning. Did you know he did pro bono work on a major gay rights case before the Supreme Court. I think we could be putting a damn Liberal on the Supreme Court. Oh, don't worry Master, I already put a big gay spell on the entire religious right.

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Hello,hello...fuck you...fuck you too...oh fuck you too little girl...fuck you all...hello...fuck you...did I already say fuck you to you under my breath? Oh dear then fuck you again. hello....

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Alfred Hitchcock's the Birds was the first movie that really scared the crap out of me. In this scene Tippi Hedren's character is lounging around stylishly shortly before getting attacked by psychotic birds. Her character was very forward and aggressive in the way she advanced on the male character played by Rod Taylor. I often wondered what Hitchcock was trying to say by mixing the mayhem of the crazy birds with this overtly feminist character. Ouch! Damn I just go my eye pecked out by a magpie. *spurt* *spurt*. Gotta run. Please recommend this post

Alberta Dictionary - Part 1

The war on language continues. I'm glad we have something like the Urban Dictionary to help keep the language in the hands of sensible people. (While your over there be sure to vote on this definition.) I started thinking about the smears going around about the new Governor General and the general crap that keeps floating around about Western Alienation and Alberta Seperation. I decided that bunk is an underused word. Like all good words it needs to be combined with other words. Thus I offer the following bunk lexicon. All of these will surely end up in my ongoing Alberta Dictionary project.

bunkcity
A place you go in your head to create or digest bunk

bunquiste
A Quebecer that pushes bunk (le front de bunquiste de Quebec)

bunkocracy
Government by bullshit, e.g., Klein Conservatives

bunkess
A high ranking female socialite adept at public bunk.

bunkadelica
Revisionist cultural history of the 1960's.

bunkranicity
Two streams of bunk hook up in an unpredictable way to produce a third more viral stream.

abunkal
Bunk that has no moral values.

breakenbunk
Unusually pungent bunk heard on calgary radio in the evenings

frankenbunk
Various streams of bunk artificially nailed together to create something kind of ugly and self-loathing.

narcobunk
Drug induced bunk.

microbunk
How do you want to be lied to today?

bunking off
An old phrase for skipping school. Who knew? Verbs followed by the word off should be avoided.

corbellabunk
Bunk you can take pride in calling your own because it was completely written by you an no one else.

bunkanistas
Low level propaganda spreaders. The foot soldiers of bunk.

bunkekenesis
The ability to move objects with bullshit.

bunkmire
Bunk that lands you in a quagmire. see WMD.

bunkosphere
A place where bunk is easily aggregated and consumed

bunktropy
The downward spiral of bunk. According to the first law of bunkodynamics, bunk is never lost it just changes form.

masterbunker
1. Creating bunk for your own consumption, in your room alone late at night, with Toby Keith playing. 2. A senior bunk artist.

bunkokleptic
Someone who steals someone else's bunk. See Corbellabunk.

bunkmeister
Slang; 1. a bunk adept; 2. a pal who helps with your bunk.

bunkarhoid
1. The sore you get after coming in contact with infectious bunk. 2. A fallacious reason for not serving in a war you cried and bitched for.

curmudgabunk
1. Old people's crap. 2. Hiding a falsehood with crankiness.

clusterbunk
A major fiasco that is caused by undetected bunk. See "insurgent".

bunkterfuge
A deceptive strategy based on bunk. See Western Alienation. Please recommend this post

Weird Alberta Premier Facts

There have been only 12 premiers in Alberta's 100 year history, thus an Alberta premiers serves on average 8.3 years.

Only four parties have held power: Liberals, United Farmers, Social Credit, Progressive Conservative.

Each party elected exactly 3 premiers in a row.

Even John Brownlee (1925-1934) served an above average 9 years in spite of impregnating his young secretary. (Beneath the High Level bridge, according to popular legend)

Richard Reid (1934-1935) was the shortest serving Premier at one year. He took over from John Brownlee just before an election, when Brownlee was forced to resign because of the above mentioned scandal. The UFA was totally wiped out in the next election because they had a right-left split in the party and the Social Credit movement had reached critical mass. Ernest Manning was the longest serving Premier (1943-1968).

Don Getty only served 7 years. Should he be considered an under-achiever?

If the Progressive Conservatives win the next election with a new leader they'll break the 3 leader dynasty rule and ruin the symmetry of the pattern. (Add that to all the other things they've ruined.)

The next premier will also be the 13th Premier of the Province. That can't be a good sign.

Two Alberta Premiers, Lougheed and Getty, played professional football for the Edmonton Eskimos. Don Getty was a far better football player than Lougheed, but a much worse Premier.

I think Alberta politics is somewhat unique in the way major political movements sweep into power then get swept out every 25 or 30 years. I'd be much happier if the current Government had a reasonable chance of being removed from office in any given election. Please recommend this post

Phrases that really bug me

1. I have to tell you...

No you don't. You could just shut up. This is one of Paul Martin's favourites preambles to some earth shattering observation.

2. To be completely frank...

You can't be Frank, Frank is Frank. And you better not be in Earnest because the Bishop will find out.

3. More about that later...

Oh, I can hardly wait. I bet you'll have a bunch of commercials in between.

4. Any sentence ending in "period".

This usually means the speaker is lying, as in: "I have never used steroids. Period..", as in Rafael Palmeiro testifying under oath before the United States Congress.

5. And I was like...and she was like

Thats so old. So 12. Valley girls used to be interesting. Now they're just weiners.


6. These are memories we'll have forever...

I already have too many of those. Can't we drop some memories for a change. Can Scientology help with this?

7. Any smear that uses the adjectives radical, elite.

Consider this exchange between George Stephanopoulos and Senator Rick Santorum, regarding his new book in which he smears feminism and women who have jobs.

STEPHANOPOULOS: Let's talk about something else in the book, radical feminists. A second quote from the book, you say, Respect for stay-at-home mothers has been poisoned by a toxic combination of the village elders' war on the traditional family and radical feminism's mysogynistic crusade to make working outside the home the only marker of social value and self-respect.

Let's get specific here. Name one or two of these radical feminists who are on this crusade.

SANTORUM: Well, I mean, you know, you have - you go back to, what's her name, well, Gloria Steinem, but I'm trying to remember - I can't remember the woman's name. It's terrible. Anyway...

STEPHANOPOULOS: But it's kind of an important point. Because you paint this broad brush: radical feminists, village elders. Name one.

SANTORUM: There's lots of - no, there's lot's of - well, Gloria Steinem. There's one. I mean, there's lots of writings out there...

STEPHANOPOULOS: She's been on a crusade against stay-at-home moms?

SANTORUM: There's lots of writings out there, and there is an opinion by the elite in this country across academia, across the media, that stay-at-home motherhood is not adequately affirmed and respected by our society.

What or who exactly is he talking about? Gloria Steinem University Professors and the media are all ganging up and forcing women to work outside the home? You hear this kind of smear all the time and it never makes any sense.

Or consider this dim-wittery from the Vancouver Sun, which is one of the worst papers in the Country:

Ranged against the Canadian champions of economic conservatism are most of the social sciences and humanities professoriat of the country's public university system, much of the media, particularly the CBC, and an intellectual establishment whose current favoured sons and daughters include John Ralston Saul, Mark Kingwell, Naomi Klein and Michael Adams. What they have in common is their construction of an idea of Canada on the basis of anti-Americanism. This is a very old and very Canadian enterprise.

He does'nt specifically use the word elite(s) but you get the picture. John Ralston Saul, Naomi Klein, the CBC, etc are all ganging up to ruin Canada for Conservativism through anti-Americanism. That is a rather broad slur and can hardly be taken seriously because it is so weird. Don't they teach people how to write anymore. How can you get a job at a newspaper writing junk like that. Is he (Stephen Brooks) mad because some people have a point of view he does'nt like? These kind of writers almost always end up pushing some kind of McCarthyism.

8. I have no idea...

The questions was not whether you had an idea or not (we already know you do not) the questions was how the steroids got into your sample, or, how long you will be screwing around in Iraq.

9. I know deep in my heart that I have never done anything like that.

Deep in my heart meet the evidence. You two have some things to work out so we'll just leave you alone for a while. In the meantime what are we supposed to do with this video clip of you getting spanked by a man in a clown outfit? You're sick man, just sick.

10. Its ok, we can just restore the backups...

Anytime you here this, run. Game over. Start sending out resumes.

11. Speaking the truth to power

I don't know why, but I hate this phrase. It sounds so pretentious. How about just speaking the truth. Sometimes we can dilute the meaning by overdecorating the language. Anyway, usually power does not listen.

12. Your call is important to us.

I feel so much better. Something can be important and ignored at the same time. Thank you for calling Telus. We're very busy right now Union busting and knocking heads around. Someone will be with you shortly. It could be a know-nothing member of our middle management bloat. Whatever.
Please recommend this post

Senate Appointments

Larry Campbell. With his coroner background they can use him to figure out which Senators have passed on. He also has some experience dealing with crack-heads which should help. Maybe CTV will make another TV show about a crusading (unelected) senator who heroically works among the dead and crack-heads, while in his spare time taking a close second look at proposed legislation, and also fighting for a EEE Senate (Calgary Edition only). That idea has some merit. Get me Don McKellar on the phone.

Hugh Segal. I thought he died. It must be getting awfully hard to find any Red Tories still standing. God's Own Circus (Canada) will be infuriated with this appointment.

The remaining three I've never heard of. They probably did something far-reaching and fantastic for Liberal® Inc. and did'nt get caught.

Everytime I hear the word Senate I hear creepy echos of Preston Manning talking about refooooorming the Senate. Then I get a pop-up image in my head of an angry and hateful Burt Brown. I could do with some Scientology style mental scrubbing. Sign me up.

Meanwhile deep in a bunker at the Calgary Sun, accompanied by his faithful dog Pierre, Link Byfield is pounding on his '69 Smith-Corona, constructing his next vitriol laced diatribe about...oh nevermind...now that I think about it, its not that important.

What a country, what a country. Please recommend this post

Humor Style Analysis

I promised myself I was going to stay away from these web surveys. The results
are more or less predictable. I found this at CPvsSW.

the Wit (60% dark, 39% spontaneous, 27% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN | COMPLEX | DARK You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take that to mean you'repretentious. You realize 'dumb' can be witty--after all isn't that the Simpsons' philosophy?--but rudeness for its own sake, 'gross-out' humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat. I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer. Your sense of humor takes the most effort to appreciate, but it's also the best, in my opinion. Also, you probably loved the Office. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check it out here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 66% on dark You scored higher than 44% on spontaneous You scored higher than 66% on vulgar

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid

Please recommend this post

Weekend CFL Predictions

July 29 Ottawa @ Saskatchewan

Hmmm...Tough pick. Ottawa will win by 3-7 points. (The game is now in the 2nd quarter and Sask is up 6-0.)

Update: Ottawa 21 Sask 16. Woohoo we have a winner.

July 29 Calgary @ BC

When will BC lose their first game of the year? Probably not tonight. I'm picking BC by 7-10 points. Calgary is a victim of their own hype.

Update: BC 40 Calgary 27. What a spanking.

July 30 Hamilton @ Edmonton

Hamilton might pull it off if Edmonton goes into a mental fog because they can't get themselves motivated to play Hamilton. Another wild card is if Hamilton plays Khari Jones instead of McManus. I'm picking Edmonton by 1-7 points. I'll never give the Eskies a big spread anymore.

Update: Edmonton 36 Hamilton 30. Christ on a Pogo Stick! The Esks play the worst team in the CFL and it has to come down to the last play of the game. I'm thinking of not being an Esks fan anymore, its too stressful. But I did get the winner and the spread right.

Aug 1 Winnipeg @ Toronto

Toronto by a large large number. Ok, 7-10 points. Please recommend this post

Come Together

Last week a Russian Soyuz craft docked with the Zarya module of the Internation Space Station. Docking is a very difficult manoever and is helped along by the two crafts computers talking to each other. I was just sitting here listening to my cheap MP3 player when I started picking up the week old computer chatter from their radio modems. Like Gurmant Grewal at a Lawn Bowling Association meeting I quickly started recording. I then had to translate the chatter from digital opcodes to natural language. I feel all giddy, like Joseph Smith with the Egyptian Hieroglyphics about Hebrews in Canoes. Here, for the record, is the docking procedure computer interaction for the Soyuz-ISS docking.


Zarya: [Uplink]
Soyuz: [Uplink] So...whats up.
Zarya: Why did you undock so early this morning?
Soyuz: I told you, I had to re-orient myself.
Zarya: Were you docking with another module?
Soyuz: No. No, why would you ask that.
Zarya: No reason. Anyway, there's something I've been meaning to tell you.
Soyuz: Yes.
Zarya: The last time you docked...
Soyuz: Yes.
Zarya: There was a bit of a problem.
Soyuz: A problem what kind of a problem. Are you ok?
Zarya: There was a...I don't know how to say this...there was'nt a good seal on the hatch.
Soyuz: Oh my God. You mean.
Zarya: Yes. There was some leakage.
Soyuz: This is not good. Not good. How could you let this happen?
Zarya: The engineers say they can't fix it right now. You have to dock and stay docked for a while.
Soyuz: Oh, I get it. Its a trap. Sorry baby, I told you I was not into permanent docking.
Zarya: The Space Shuttle is coming back up next week.
Soyuz: What do you mean by that?
Zarya: Nothing. But they'll need some place to dock.
Soyuz: Look, I've been thinking. I think we should dock with other craft.
Zarya: Fine.
Soyuz: Fine, thats all you have to say.
Zarya: No one else will dock with you. They all know about the leak. Besides, you are incompatible with the NASA hatch.
Soyuz: Oh my little friend you are so naive.
Zarya: How so?
Soyuz: I had some work done. I have an adapter now. I can dock anywhere with anyone. In fact I can even dock with another Soyuz craft or a NASA Shuttle.
Zarya: ewwww thats disgusting. I thought I knew you.
Soyuz: So...uh...can I dock now or what?
Zarya: Pfft. I Don't feel like it.
Soyuz: I got something for you.
Zarya: What?
Soyuz: A new gyroscope. Its the size of a dishwasher.
Zarya: I remember the first time we docked. The whole russian section of the ISS just shook and shook.
Soyuz: Yeah, that was something.
Zarya: And then it shook a second time. It never shakes a second time anymore does it Soyuz.
Soyuz: Please, don't bring this up now. I bring you payloads all the time. What do you want from me.
Zarya: Your payloads are never what they're cracked up to be.
[Thrusting noises]
Zarya: Careful. Left! Left!. Thats it.
[Clank][Scrape]
Soyuz: Do you mind?
Zarya: What?
Soyuz: Um your clamps?
Zarya: Sorry, hows that.
Soyuz: Good good.
[Snap]
Zarya: Your thrusters shut down a bit soon don't you think.
Soyuz: Oh don't start. Its about the navigation not the thrusters. Say, you got any food in here?
Zarya: [Droplink]
Soyuz: Same to you baby. [Droplink] Please recommend this post

Ignore Your Spouse

Go take a look at the following:


Whats on Andy's Mind aka funcentral

and...

Patriot Boy, aka Jesus' General has an excellent post on the lost Mormon tribes of Israel and the hollow earth, here

and...

If you're really warped, check this out, but don't blame me.

I know, i know. Your spouse is out sitting in the driveway cause your late to go somewhere. The spouse has that pouty look by now. Here's what you do: go give the spouse a bright shiny object to keep them distracted, then come back and check out the above mentioned sites. People with bright shiny objects lose all sense of time and irritation. Its a fact.

As for me, I'm going back to work on my play which is coming along nicely. Please recommend this post

Nicole Kidman in Birth

I just finished watching Nicole Kidman in the movie Birth.

It was such a great premise for a story it is too bad they made such a bad movie. Nicole Kidman plays a woman named Anna who is still in grief over the sudden death of her husband 10 years ago. The opening scenes sets this up in kind of a heavyhanded way. A ten year old boy shows up at her house in the middle of a dinner party and explains that he is the reincarnation of the dead husband. The rest of the movie is just about resolving that dilemma with a lot of bad acting and an intolerable script.

There was one scene where Anna and her family were sitting around the dinner table after the boy has explained to Anna that he is her dead husband. Everyone starts giggling. It seemed strangely out of tone. I mean a little boy walks into your house and solemnly explains that he is your dead husband, do you find this funny? My guess is there was some ridiculous dialogue for that scene but the actors just started laughing. Maybe they were working to rule and the director just left it in. That was such a weird scene. In another scene, Anna and her mother (Lauren Bacall) are visiting the hospital because Anna's sister has just had a baby. While looking at the newborn the mother says well maybe that's your dead husband too. It was the funniest line in a tedious movie but I'm guessing it was an ad-lib.

The dialogue was weird and everyone talked in slow motion like they were on heavy doses of Nembutol. I thought they were going for that minimalist Ingmar Bergmann type thing but it just seemed to stupid and self-ridiculing. At one point I realized I was'nt really listening to the dialogue anymore. I found myself interested in Nicole Kidman's subtle australian accent underneath her coached New York accent.

The movie reminded me of Rosemary's Baby, but only in look and feel. This was probably because of Nicole Kidman's short brown hair, her stylish wardrobes, the mysterious expressions on the old people's faces, and a lot of really evocative scenes of New York's Central Park in the fall or winter. The cinematography was the only thing I really liked about the movie. I could easily watch it again with the sound off.

In the end the premise falls apart because of Anne Heche. (How many times have you seen that line in a movie review.) The resolution of the conflict is completely implausible and in the last 15 minutes of the movie the writers and editors were probably going through pure hell wondering if they would ever work again.

Am I wrong to hate this movie? Please recommend this post

10 things on my mind

The longer title: Wherein the blogger lies down on the couch and talks to the imaginary Sigmund Freud.

1. The root cause(s) of Terrorism. None of the offered causes of terrorism really grab me. Lots of people live in poverty with dignity. Lots of people who are terrorists are well educated and well fed. Lots of immigrants fail to integrate into our society without becoming terrorists. Lots of people have low self esteem. And so on. I think terrorists are just run of the mill nihilists. No values, no humanism. Radical Islam embracing Friedrich Nietzsche - now thats absurd. Tony Blair is right in his latest statement. It does'nt matter how you rationalize terrorism there will always be one more excuse. I get a sick feeling in my stomach when I start to sense that an explanation for terrorism is bordering on some kind of appeasement or mitigation.

2. Margarine colors laws. White yellow beige - lets not fight. If Alberta had to make a Margarine color law it would take 15 years. They would have endless studies panels and surveys. Tory hacks would have to be appointed to Panels. Cabinet ministers would have to do extensive research tours of Bangkok and New York. Periodically Klein would announce that he will be announcing a major Margarine color reform plan to be implemented soon. Eventually when they finally come up with a Margarine law, it will having nothing to do with Margarine but your Electric bill triples. The Minister of Margarine will issue periodic hysterics about how the Federal Government has secret plans to ram a Margarine Law down Alberta's throat. Eastern bastards etc. Margarine color is an issue because the dairy producers think people are too stupid too tell the difference between butter and margarine.

3. Anne McLellan's voice. I woke up this morning and she was yelling about terrorism being a possible reality in Canada. I yelled back at the radio, hey, your voice is a terrorist threat before noon, shut the f* up. Then I realized I had my mp3 player on. Smooth. It would be cool if she was in the House and she was yelling at some doofus like, hmmm, I don't know - say Mr. Solberg. He'd be crying in a pair of wet pants and then Mr. Martin would lean over and whisper, hey bibs take it down a notch k? Meanwhile all the dogs and bats are just going nuts. Can you imagine sitting through one of her 3 hour lectures at the U of A on constitutional law? The absurdity factor is very very high. Of course you could have ended up with Laurie Hawn for your MP. Did he really call Jack Layton a Nazi? Some times you can only hope for the lesser absurdity.

4. Applications or Websites that use the phrase searching for updates instead of checking for updates. The term probably came from programmers who use the term searching to mean getting something from a database. The average person does not know that sense of searching so they sit there staring at an hour glass thinking don't these people know where there stuff is... Never let the programmers write the screen messages.

5. Sun media story links. their links are about as stable as Tom Cruise on a liquid multi-vitamin. Do you want us to read your silly crap, then stop moving stuff around. Someone should do a study of what kind of links they lose. Apparently Katie Holmes has bad teeth.

6. Single mothers with children. There is a PSA on Air America Radio that uses this phrase. The problem is an odd and redundant phrase like that is the only thing I remember. I can't remember what the PSA was even about. Do marketing people understand when they make these mistakes that they're burying the wrong message in people's already overloaded brains.

7. CBC Yellowknife started off a story with this opening sentence: A man reported that he saw a wolverine chasing a dog near Rat Lake on Wednesday night. That the best opening line I have ever read for a news story. The best opening line to a novel is from Charles William's War in Heaven: The telephone bell was ringing wildly, but without result, since there was no-one in the room but the corpse. And yes it does get even weirder after that. (Williams was a contemporary of C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien.)

8. The Senate just gave final passage to the same sex marriage bill. Tomorrow, and for probably many years to come, the Calgary Sun will make the assertion (on all our behalf) that the approval of gay marriage is a slap in the face to Alberta or the West and that if only we had an elected Senate we could have stopped this depravity. This resentment will be piled on top of all the other Western Alienation bunkness such as the NEP, the imminent Carbon Tax, the communist Wheat Board and criminals walking defiantly among us. Expect bumper stickers.

9. Intelligent design does not make much sense to me (duh). The proponents don't seem to know much about what design means and why things fail. Take bees for example. That was pretty elegant of God to integrate bees into the ecosystem so that they fertilize flowers. Why can't the flowers have sex on their own? Seems like bottom up design. A million lines of Cobol code so to speak. And that stinger thing is a bit of a mis-design don't you think. A self-defense mechanism that kills you is highly useful.

10. Al Pacino as Shylock in Shakespeare's the Merchant of Venice. Whether you like Shakespeare or not this is a must see. Please recommend this post

Best Google finds

It amazes me that I get any traffic at all. Some days I don't even want to know how google gets people here. My best google search hits of the week:

cross dressing in calgary

"tom long" edmonton alberta

cross dressing

free floating anxiety vitamins

and my favourite...

"von ribbentrop" + "wallace simpson"

Do you see the pattern here? Its not pretty. I guess its time to write some more meaningful content. Please recommend this post

Weekend CFL Predictions

Fri Jul 15 Winnipeg @ Edmonton

I'm picking Edmonton by 7 points. not just because i'm an eskies fan but because Winnipeg is so sad. And they're playing in Commonwealth Stadium where Edmonton rarely loses.

Fri Jul 15 Toronto @ BC

Hmmm. Tough one. BC by a field goal or less.

Sat Jul 16 Calgary @ Ottawa

It'll be close, but Ottawa will win by a field goal or less, thus further accelerating the brewing media disaster brought on by the Stampeders bragging for the last 6 months then being mediocre.

Sun Jul 17 Hamilton @ Saskatchewan

Hamilton should call a press conference 10 minutes before the game and forfeit. If not Saskatchewan will be laying a little Western Alienation animus on them. It won't be pretty.

Update - Monday Night: I got all the winning teams correct, but my spreads were way off. Good thing I'm not running a bookie site. Now I have to get back to the Calgary Stampeder's media meltdown.


And one more thing....

GO OILERS GO! Please recommend this post

Fitness and Whatnot

I just completed my first fitness test of the year. Every summer I have to make that first bike ride to the top of Nose Hill Park. I ride up from the 14st side where there is the remnants of an old road. Actually, all thats left are just chunks of cement here and there. Its a tough climb if you're not in shape which apparently I am not.

A quarter of the way up I started feeling a serious oxygen shortage. At that point two older women on single speed bikes went by me and said hello. They must have thought I was being lascivious with all the panting and grunting as response.

I eventually made it to the top and met up with those women a second time. They said hello again and still all I could get out was a wheeze. Those ladies were not even the least bit worked up by their trip up the hill. It was demasculating. (Is that a word?)

At the top of Nose Hill Park is a wide plateau. You can ride around or hike up there forever. Or, you can lie down and cough out a lung.

Next week, we take test 2 of the year. We ride from my house west to Bowness Park and back. There are a couple of wicked hills on the way.

I'm surprised Tom Cruise the well known Psychiatry expert does not mention exercise as an antidote to depression. I don't remember him mentioning it, just the vitamin bunkness. Maybe the Scientologists don't sanction it. He could have really layed into Brooke Shields with that.

Speaking of Tom Cruise, I just heard on the BBC World News that some athlete got stripped of Olympic Medals because it was discovered the athlete was an Hermaphrodite. The athlete was competing in the women's events. (How would you feel if you told that person to go f* themselves.) Why can't an Hermaphrodite compete in either gender's events? If you were an Hermaphrodite which gender class would you want to compete in? Please recommend this post

Cross Dressing for Armageddon

I'm glad that in these screwed up times occasionally photograpers still get the perfect shot. The picture has two levels. On one level it looks totally fascist. Dear leader high up on a stage giving his blessing to the little people. Now go off to war and die for the Fatherland. Someone should tell Bush that he reminds people of Hitler when he does that salute. On another level the picture looks like Bush is wearing a big dress. It is the type of a dress you would see at the Calgary Stampede. (Or Calgary in general) On this level the photographer is saying that the President would make a fine transvestite.

Hilary Clinton was savaged (again) today because she compared President Bush to Alfred E. Newman of Mad Magazine fame. I myself was offended by this. Alfred was one of my childhood icons and I protest him being besmirched in such a comparison. I think Richard M. Nixon would be a much better comparison.

The over-bearing conservative media went nuts of course, and went into Clinton bashing hyper-drive. The things I read today you would not believe. The supreme moral authorities gave two reasons why Clinton's remarks should be censured: 1) You should not criticise the President (and if there is one thing American Conservatives taught us all with the Starr enquiry, it is that you should never insult the President.) 2. You should not criticize the President during a time of war, when he's busy fighting them over there because it is hard work and he has limited concentration. 3. Clinton is a popular liberal woman and a thus a threat and needs to be destroyed. Sorry, thats 3 reasons.

The deal is that the Bush supporters can say what ever they want about people who are considered enemies of the Administration - even to the extent of committing a felony by identifying a covert security agent - but no one can criticize the administration because its a time of war.

Of course no one dares to debate Hillary Clinton on the actual issues she raises: the lack of an effective strategy in Iraq or on Terrorism and the ruining of the American Economy through gross negligence. Its much less work to debate on the fringes about cartoon characters. This is called the Sponge Bob dampening effect. True debate of important issues in the media died a long time ago.

It occurred to me today in a moment of anxiety that the President of the United States has no idea who he is at war with nor what a victory would look like. All of the sudden the comparisons to Orwell's 1984 and perpetual war as a means of social control do not seem so far fetched. The war on Terror will probably end like most of the other American conflicts in the post WW2 era. They will abandon Iraq and Afghanistan leaving a total mess because the American People will tire of supporting war. (Of course there's always the risk of American bankruptcy as well.) But think about it, with this amorphous semantic blob called Terrorism, right wing politicians will be able to get elected for years and years from now just by claiming they are protecting people. The exploitation of fear and the pounding of little countries here and there will go on for ever.

One of Bush's main talking points has always been that fighting terrorists in other countries will pin them down and prevent them from attacking the west. This was a fall back position that was cooked after the WMD rationale did not work out. Its not a particularly bright argument and the attacks in Madrid and London seem to indicate that the terrorist cells in those cities were not all that pinned down. So who exactly is being pinned down and where? Some reporter should ask the President a question like this: Exactly how hard do you have to pound the civilians in Iraq and Afghanistan before you can guarantee that there won't be terrorist attacks in the West? How do you like your chances on that strategy? Please recommend this post

Canada Day Numbers

Number of emails i got about the family dinner on July 1: 31

Number of emails that noted that the dinner would be at the Olive Garden: 2

Number of emails mentioning which Olive Garden: 0

Number of emails mentioning the time of dinner: 0

Number of voice mails encouraging me to be on time: 2

Kilometers between my house in Calgary and the Olive Garden on the QE2 in Edmonton: 277

Time I left for a 3pm dinner: 12:45

Speed the RCMP clocked me at just north of Red Deer: 131km/hr

Amount of speeding ticket RCMP wrote for me: $89

Punitive value relative to the speed limit: $4.23 per kilometer.

Number of sisters who drove by me on the highway while I was being written up: 1

Number of family members who knew I got a speeding ticket before I even got to Edmonton: 19

Minutes late for dinner: 21

Number of times my niece commented that she was taller than me: 7

Number of times I asked my niece how she got fired from Dairy Queen: 7

Number of days same sex marriage has been legal: 4.5

Number of gay weddings I've been invited to: 0

Number of straight weddings I've been invited to: 1

Number of times civilization has collapsed since gay marriage became legal: 0

Number of letters in the local papers that said that legalization of gay marriage was a political rejection of Alberta by Eastern Canada: 3

Number of times I read the Saturday's Globe & Mail's review of William Johnson's book on Stephen Harper: 4

Number of time I had to read out loud the sentence about how Harper is comparable to Trudeau: 3

Number of ounces of Dr. Pepper that came shooting out my nose: 4.3

Number of incidents of man on dog sex reported since gay marriage became legal: 0

Number of weird endorsement letters from Dave Hancock framed and hanging in the lobby of my hotel: 3

Number of alleged assaults on gay men in Edmonton since gay marriage became legal: 2

Number of fumbles by the Calgary Stampeders in their home opener: 5

Number of Minutes to write this post: 33 Please recommend this post