A college student threw some Salad Dressing at Pat Buchanan yesterday while he was speaking on Western Michigan University Campus. Luckily Buchanan was unhurt in the incident. The FBI began an immediate investigation to determine what type of dressing was used in the incident, and how best to get the stains out of Buchanan's shirt and tie. An FBI agent, on condition of anonymity said he thought it was some kind of low fat cucumber flavor.
Later, a shaken President Bush reads a statement:
Today, millions of Americans are saddened by the throwing of salad dressing at Pat Buchanan.Please recommend this post
Laura and I extend our condolences to Pat Buchanan. We don't know yet if that tie can be cleaned.
I appreciate the example of grace and dignity he has displayed at a difficult time. I urge all those who honor Pat Buchanan to continue to work to build a culture of food where all dressings are welcomed and valued and protected, especially those that are...um...lower fat and may not taste so good.
The essence of civilization is that the strong have a duty to protect the weak.
In cases where there are serious doubts and questions, the presumption should be in the favor of eating the food.
The most solemn duty of the American president -- come on up, guys -- is to protect the American people from Salad Dressing, or um, any food really, being thrown.
Since September 11th, 2001, we've taken bold and vigorous steps to prevent further attacks and overcome emerging threats.
We face a new and different kind of enemy. The threats today are unprecedented. The salads of our citizens are at stake. To protect them, we need the best intelligence possible, and we must stay ahead of constantly changing intelligence challenges. "