Friday, April 15, 2005

Their Next Bold Moves

My day started off with recycled news about things I'd rather not think about: the collapse of our current federal government under the weight of an influence peddling scandal and the Alberta Provincial budget which shows we have more cash than it can ever possibly spend, but little or no vision. Talk about juxtaposition. The weather in Calgary is sunny and warm but on the radio they're issuing winter storm warnings for all of southern alberta. This is not uncommon for this time of year. As it turns out they were exagerating. A little rain and clouds. Now its sunny again.

And so I headed over to the sandwich artistry place to escape my pressing work tasks. There were two British women ahead of me discussing whether olives were fruit or vegetable. They were stout and yeomanish looking and I had a brief (thankfully) image in my head of stout yeomanish women swinging heavy axes, busoms heaving, at marauding vikings or maybe some hapless Scot looking to snag some Sheep bladders. Would you say the Vikings were neo-conservatives in their foreign policy? Why could'nt they just stay home? Why all this marauding? Now they make Volvos and Pine Furniture. That's progress. This will stick with me and I'll have to check on the historical accuracy of this particular mind trip. Eventually they will document a new syndrome: "Irrational hostility to marauding nordic pricks characterized by acute historical revisionism." Everyone will get it, or recognize that they already had it and just did'nt know. Pfizer will come out with a pill and a neat commercial.

To gain the upper hand, the one woman says to the other (about olives) of course there's a difference between the botanical classification and the culinary classification, drawing out the vowels in culinary just enough to be precious. There's no comeback to something like that, except possibly shut the fuck up its just small talk, or, of course there's also a cuuulinary difference between your ass and your head. Some people take great delight in their own pedantry and its better to resist snappy comebacks. The sandwich artist kid was glaring at everybody mostly the two axe swingers but also the dude off in the 12th century. He was probably thinking about the Calculus exam he has tomorrow. It occurred to me that olive classification was going to be the least of our national problems in the coming months.

The sandwich artist kid reminds me of how hard it must be growing up now compared to when i did. We expect them to work three jobs to pay for University and get good enough marks to be successful. No wonder they drink so much.

The morning news is still floating around in my head about Michael Jackson being accused of licking kids heads. Licking their heads! what do you do with something like that. And then i remembered a story about a guy in the Netherlands who was arrested for surreptitiously licking women's toes in public places. He was released after his lawyer argued that this behaviour was not really violating any particular law. There was some public outrage over this so some rightist party drafted a bill specifically outlawing non-consenting toe licking - I swear I'm not making this up - and the frigging thing passed. The rightists lined up with the feminists to stop the toe lickers. What would Ayn Rand say? If only Adscam could be about mere head or toe licking.

I can't shake that image of Michael Jackson vibrating into court late in his pajamas because i think he is really just very very crazy, and i doubt he'll get the help he needs. He made me think about Bogart in the Caine Mutiny and how they put him on the stand and pushed him over the edge. He just went totally batty, furtively fondling those ball bearings in his hands and babbling about how everyone else was conspiring against him. That was one of Bogarts finest moments in acting. Queeg was crazy and all you had to do was push the right buttons. Sooner or later they'll put Michael on the stand and he'll just go off the same way. With any luck he'll lean over and lick the judge's forehead and scream incoherently. And then the retards on that celebrity justice show will have to re-enact it for their moron viewers. Justice is unpredictable by definition which is why some conservatives hate judges so much. They can't control the outcome. They live in an angry world where punishment is more important than accuracy or fairness or inalienable rights. Papers are released showing John Negroponte was intimately involved with Central American right wing death squads and his career prospects in Government service are brighter than ever. But, Judges who ruled on the Schiavo case are being openly threatened by law makers and a wide assortment of other demented goons. Analyze that.

Thus I wait anxiously for word on how all this will turn out. Yawn. Please recommend this post

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