Monday, January 16, 2006

15 Predictions

I've had a protracted predilection for predicting. Thus I offer the following 15 properly prepared predictions regarding the remainder of 2006.

1. Premier Klein will resign sometime within the next six months. This is not only my prediction, it was floated over Christmas by the Calgary Herald who claimed to have inside knowledge of a dump Klein movement that is very advanced in its plans. Mysteriously, the article disappeared from their web site in the new year. In any case, Klein will discretely be offered a very generous package to leave. This will include a major send off that will make Klein look like Jesus Christ. Watch for lots of public things named after Klein. If Klein does not take the package there will be a full blown civil war and he will end up walking the plank. Six months top.

1a. Jim Dinning will win the Tory Party leadership on the first vote.

2. Shelly Winters will remain dead through 2006 and well into 2007.

3. Stephen Harper will win a slim majority in the upcoming general election. He will have a very hard time managing the wingnuts.

4. The Calgary Stampeders will not win the Grey Cup this year. The Calgary media will blame Hugh Campbell, the referees, the bad turf at Commonwealth Stadium, the National Energy Program...

5. Stockwell Day will become Minister of Foreign Affair, thus enhancing our reputation all over the globe. Mr. Day will be sued a third time for libel or defamation, and at some point there will be a riot in the House of Commons when an opposition member refers to him as Hat Trick Day.

6. René Lévesque, Pierre Trudeau and Lester Pearson will all spin in their graves through out the year, all trying to out-spin each other.

7. The Edmonton Oilers will make it to the second round of the NHL playoffs but no further.

8. The Green Party will win 0 seats in the upcoming general election even though their popular vote will increase. Jim Harris will do or say something really really outrageous after the election.

9. The current election campaign of the Liberal Party of Canada will go down in history as the worst run campaign ever. Even worse than John Turner's 1984 debacle. Paul Martin will be dumped as leader (or will resign) sometime this year.

10. Brian Mulroney will claim that he single-handedly engineered Stephen Harper's general election victory.

11. Jean Chrétien will claim that Paul Martin destroyed the Liberal Party of Canada and single-handedly engineered Stephen Harper's general election victory.

12. Tippi Hedren will continue to be very popular in Germany, Denmark and Scotland, and thus for reasons I don't fully understand, will continue to drive readers to my site through google's opaque logic.

13. The author will wake up at 4am one night this week in a cold sweat and realize that the annual prediction meme is so passé it is unbelievable anyone would still be doing it.

14. Monte Solberg will be accused of stealing day old donuts from a Safeway store. Dave Hancock will be photographed by the Edmonton Sun while dressed as a woman.

15. The Edmonton Sun will endorse Ted Morton as the next premier. Please recommend this post

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