Thursday, January 26, 2006

rebate thursday

[Writing live from an undisclosed and tawdry location]

I got my $400.00 Alberta Government Energy rebate cheque in the mail today.

Thanks a lot to Big Daddy. I knew he loved me after all. He's a kind and generous man. And all you envious eastern frenchy loving kyoto signing gay marriage sex agendizing with your pot smoking hippy soccer mom pretensions won't get a piece of this one.

Not unless you fart out another Liberal majority and they bring in a National Energy Alberta Rebate Clawback Program. [1] (<- thats a footnote see bottom)

To be honest though, I'm not sure I'm in totally in need of this cheque. Sure its been a tough year and that may continue but there may be other people who need it more than me.

[Three red heads walking by. What are the chances.]

Take Murray Smith for example. With his paltry half million dollar salary, and his insulting MLA pension Murray struggles to make ends meet as Alberta's point man in Washington D.C. Do you have any idea how much a Limo costs, or a nice dinner at the Savoy Suites Hotel? It's a Dicken's novel for sure. And its not like he's loafing or anything, its hard hard work going to all those Cocktail parties desperately pleading with American Politicians to please please buy Alberta's Oil & Gas. He works hard for his demeaning wage. [2]

[Hey I know that guy over there. He ran this company into the ground. It was really quite funny. Well, not for the employees. ]

I was surprise at the large number of advertisements(sp?) for places that were offering rebates on things provided you paid with your Alberta Energy Rebate cheque. I figured all this piling on of rebates deserved its own word. I thought about super-aggregated-rebate but then I thought that was too grandiose. Then I thought of meta-rebate but that's too Greek and a little thick. One term I am definitely trying to avoid is Master-Rebate. I have settled on the term yoinkabate, as in, yoink thanks for your cheque here's your temporarily over-priced crappy MP3 player. bye now. Is this an example of intelligent design? One day a dinosaur farts, has a debilitating aneurism and falls over into a bog. Fast forward and now you're listening to Green Day. Now that's some wacky evolution, and hardly the work of a Supreme Being.

I was going to do some work on my house with that $400 cheque but I have a feeling that every dinky little job is going to be "around $400" for the next little while. So I guess I'll give some of it to charity, or to a political group that shares my philosophical inclinations.

[1] Just so you know, if you read something like this in the Calgary Herald or Calgary Sun they're probably serious. Me, I'm just goofing around.
[2] Credits to Donna Summer.
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