Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Stupid News Story (Blogging Cliche)

I often wonder how couples make decisions about their everyday busy lives.

Earlier that morning...

She: Honey, I'm dropping the baby off at gran and gramps this afternoon.
He: Really...
She: What? Whats wrong?
He: Sweets, your parents are imbeciles.
She: Don't talk about my parents like that. Anyway I told you I was going to check out that Pilates class.
He: Pilates? Wasn't he the guy who killed Jesus?
She: Damn you're stupid. Anyway, this dialog has gotten way off track and that blogger is glaring at us because he wants to finish his story.

Thanks folks. So anyway, the gran and gramps get this idea to put the one year old out on the deck...

Gran: I'm going to put little mr poopy pants out on the deck to air out a bit.
Gramps: Don't we have rattle snakes around here?
Gran: Um, yeah. But we also have a Chihuahua.
Gramps: Yes. I forgot. Did you take all your meds today?
Gran: Sweets I think that blogger fellow wants to continue on with the rest of his story.
Gramps: Well he looks mighty queer to me.
Gran: Shush he can hear you.

Thanks folks. Anyhow, the baby is just sitting there and a rattle snake shows up and gets all offensive based on some pretty predictable if not obscure evolutionary mechanisms.

The Chihuahua saves the baby by leaping in front the striking snake and taking one for the team. The dog nearly dies but pulls through courageously. Unfortunately, given the dogs brain size and inadequate memory he'll probably try the same thing next week.

Meanwhile, intelligent design takes a major hit. God shuffles his feet realizing that the snake took several billion years to evolve to the point where it could efficiently kill a toddler but doesn't really knows why.

This is not a very funny story if you're a parent (or a dog) but you have to admit it is pretty funny the way the media is turning the dog into a hero rather than calling child welfare services. After an extensive investigation it was determined that the Grand Parents had all the right bumper stickers.

Chihuahuas have very very tiny brains. They don't play chess. Its likely that the dog's response was based on something as equally primitive and screwed up as the snakes need to rid the neighborhood of babies. Attributing courage to the dog is like...well I don't even have a simile because it is so stupid.

Thus, the dog will need to find someone on its vacancy level to help tell its side of the story. Welcome to Larry King Live, I'm here with a very brave little dog...

Had the dog any degree of evolved intelligence whatsoever it would have looked at the situation and thought, you know what, I think I'll just let you two work this out..

And don't send me any stories of your dog dialing 911 that time when you had too many Red Bulls. When Timmy fell down the Well and the Dog started barking, that was a TV show. In real life the dog would have just sat there and licked his balls.

For leaving your grandson alone with a Rattle Snake, defended only by the least evolved breed of dogs ever you win the Five Of Five Feculant Thumb Award. Please recommend this post

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