Prominent conservative and iconic blogger Robert McBean was attacked early saturday morning by a group of violent liberals. Mr. McBean was waiting for the 402 bus on the corner of Northmount and Northland when he was set on by the gang.
According to the Royal Varsity Constabulary Mr. McBean was held down and a copy of a novel was attached to his face using a large and powerful c-clamp.
By 10:00 am a literary expert was on the scene and assisted the police in identifying the novel as Slapstick by Kurt Vonnegut.
A spokesman for the Royal Constabulary indicated that they so far have no leads in this hateful crime. The spokesman urged Mr. Vonnegut to come forward as he likely has information related to the crime. The spokesman also warned the public about the violent nature of urban liberal gangs. Said the spokesman:
They sip their lattes and have little secretive reading clubs and before you know it stuff like this starts happening.
By noon Mr. McBean was being examined by one of the finest Neurosurgeons at the famed Varsity Spa and Neurological Institute. Dr. Nigel Kittybitty von Von said the removal of the c-clamp could be days away because it is compressing on one of the most delicate parts of the brain known as the Obladioblada.
Mr. McBean remains sedated but in good spirits.
A spokesman for Mr. McBean indicated that he would be unlikely to reprise his role as Troy Bolton in Thursdays benefit performance of High School Musical. Please recommend this post