Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Edmonton Eskimos Plummet Into Playoffs

I hate to say I told you so - and it pains me to say this, but I predicted at the beginning of the season that the Edmonton Eskimos would probably not make the playoffs this year. While they have a good team on paper I said the same thing about them that I say about most of my family members...there's just something not right over there...

They had moments of excellence this season but tanked in the last few weeks. Last weekend they were beaten by the Roughriders 55 to 9 in a bizarre game that set some kind of humiliation record. The Eskimos have not been beaten that badly since before the Mulroney era.

However, through the bizarre playoff format of the CFL the Eskimos will make the playoffs and all they had to do was plummet into last place in the Western division.

Through the cross-over rule the Edmonton Eskimos can claim third place in the Eastern Division because there are two teams over there that are actually worse than them. So Edmonton will play Winnipeg in the Eastern semi-final this weekend in Winnipeg.

If you're a hard-core Esks fan, here's your fantasy scenario. The Eskimos beat Winnipeg on the weekend, then beat Montreal in the Eastern final. (Stop laughing I'm not done yet). Then they will play the Grey Cup game against the Calgary Stampeders and will win by 1 point. The collective all at once eye rolling of several million Canadians will cause the Earth to shift on its axis and put an end to Global Warming.

Only in the CFL could the Edmonton Eskimos become the Eastern Division champions.

Later it will be revealed that the magic feel good story of the year was caused by an impassioned speech by the Edmonton Coach about a little boy who was dying of cancer and who's last wish was to see the Eskimos win the cup.

Later it will be revealed that the story was completely fabricated and the Eskimos will be stripped of their Grey Cup win. Through an unforeseen loophole in the CFL constitution the Cup will be awarded to Hamilton. Commonwealth Stadium will be accidentally demolished by a contractor with the wrong address and the league will declare bankruptcy. Pinball Clemons will become Prime Minister.

The remaining six teams will be saved at the last minute by being folded into the B Division of the Luxembourg Intermediate Potato Grower's League.

You see, if you believe that the Eskimos will get anywhere near the Grey Cup in 2008 you probably can be convinced of anything. Please recommend this post

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