Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Labor Dispute Hits Children

After failing to reach a new contract after exhaustive bargaining sessions, Santa Claus announced today that he would be locking out the Elves. The Elves union spokesperson immediately claimed that Santa was not bargaining in good faith and wanted to ruin Christmas for everybody. Unless an agreement can be reached by the end of this week, the 2005 Christmas season may have to be scrapped. Santa has already started cancelling appearences in early November 2005.

The Elves are calling into question the financial numbers disclosed by Santa. They say they do not include hidden revenue streams such as licensing fees from such movies as Bad Santa and Black Christmas. They also claim that a lot of the accounting mumbo jumbo is over their heads.

Santa contends that the business model is not sustainable and must be fixed, and that he has lost 12 billion dollars in five years. The Elves have stated repeatedly that a salary cap is a non-starter. Santa has rejected the latest counter-proposal of the Elves rejecting a luxury tax on expensive toys.

No further talks are scheduled and Santa complained today that the Elves are being short with him.

Public sympathy seems to be lacking towards the Elves as more and more people see them as greedy under-performers. Please recommend this post

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