Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Weekend Update

Weekend update...

Because freedom is on the march, the Michael Jackson of Iraq (right) can now use a baby as a prop in a religious procession. Can we please stop dangling babies for publicity.


Another techy email from IBM with the following advice:

You provided IBM with your e-mail address so that we could keep you informed of important events and new business solutions. If you want to be removed from the IBM e-mail list, please send an e-mail to IBM Developer Suppression.

What the heck is Developer Suppression? Why do they want to suppress me? I should be suppressing them, they brag way too much. Go suppress yourself I've got a headache. And hire an English major or two for God's sake.


(CNN) BERLIN, Germany (AP) -- A new luxury hotel will open next month on the site of Adolf Hitler's Alpine retreat, which served as a part-time seat of government where he and other Nazi leaders often met to plan Germany's assault on Europe and the Holocaust. The new hotel, the Intercontinental Resort Berchtesgaden, will open on the Obersalzberg mountaintop to guests on March 1, the Bavarian Finance Ministry said Thursday.

Personally, I don't think I could stay there. Its probably haunted with some very angry ghosts.

Yeah, is this the Concierge? Ah yes, this is 301. Could you please send up a map of Poland. Yeah...and also, do you know how far the Czech border is from here...really...so whats that road like?

[a couple of hours later - knock knock]


Oh hello, I'm the Hotel Manager.

Is there a problem?

Well you see, this is kind of embarassing really, but I have to let you know that we have a strict policy about European conquest. Quite silly really, but we have had some problems in the past.

Oh, ok, well...

And also, we don't really allow visitors after 11pm so I'm afraid all those Generals are going to have to leave for the night.

Oh, they were just on there way.

Ok thanks.


Star Jones weighs in on the Tsunami tragedy and the wonderful mercy of God:

What Star Jones said:

"I was in Thailand for my honeymoon just a month ago. Thank God the tsunami didn't happen then. The Lord was looking out for me and I feel blessed."

What Jon Stewart said:

"God killed 160,000 people. Just because you werent there, thats not him blessing. My guess is that was an oversight. Seriously how far up your own ass do you have to be? I was almost killed in the Kennedy assassination. Six months before that, I was in a convertible."

What I said:

If she was dragged out to sea, it would have to be filmed and sponsored. This washing out to sea of Star Jones has been brought to you by... She would just float right back. Some people can't be shut up.

So this got me to thinking about having a swimsuit issue. I'm proud to present our first ever annual swim suit edition:

Click here for swimsuite issue

As they say in Calgary, whenever the Flames win: Oh Baby, you can put that one in the win column.


From the Guardian UK:

It appeared to be one of archaeology's most sensational finds. The skull fragment discovered in a peat bog near Hamburg was more than 36,000 years old - and was the vital missing link between modern humans and Neanderthals. This, at least, is what Professor Reiner Protsch von Zieten - a distinguished, cigar-smoking German anthropologist - told his scientific colleagues, to global acclaim, after being invited to date the extremely rare skull. However, the professor's 30-year-old academic career has now ended in disgrace after the revelation that he systematically falsified the dates on this and numerous other "stone age" relics.

I hate it when real and important science gets compromised by a clown. Now the creationist or intelligent designists or whatever they are calling themselves these days are going to use this as proof that evolution is bogus. Monkey trials everywhere. So what if the Neanderthals never lived in Northern France. They probably just did'nt like the caves.



The National Post goes hunting for Nazi war criminals:

Dr. Efraim Zuroff, a leading authority on Nazi war criminals, wants Canada to make a final push to hunt down such criminals. The world's foremost Nazi hunters want to place a bounty on Nazi war criminals hiding in Canada as part of a last-ditch plan to bring ageing Holocaust perpetrators to justice before they die. Discussions for a Canadian launch of Operation: Last Chance, an international effort by the Simon Wiesenthal Center, comes as the Jewish organization's chief Nazi-hunter, Efraim Zuroff, blasted Ottawa's handling of war criminals. He said the federal government's record of prosecuting those accused of committing atrocities during the Second World War and now living in Canada is dismal and distressing. "One of the places where nothing is happening is here. There is certainly a lack of political will in Ottawa," said Mr. Zuroff, who is based in Jerusalem and was visiting Toronto yesterday. "Canada is a safe haven for these guys. Sometimes the government does something to annoy them, but they don't get rid of them. It's like a hockey player who makes the moves, but can't put the puck in the net.

Its sort of a bad strategy though, tipping your hand like this. I'd be willing to bet that 9 out of 10 Nazi war criminals are daily readers of the National Post. Read their letters section, come on.



Atwood up for Booker

(CBC) WASHINGTON - Margaret Atwood is among a list of prestigious nominees for the first Man Booker International Prize. Atwood joined a celebrated group of contenders from 13 countries for the new $140,000 literary honour. She will compete with 17 authors, including Saul Bellow, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Gunter Grass, Ian McEwan, Philip Roth and John Updike.

That's quite the crowd to be in.



George Michael announces and explains sudden retirement

(BBC) Singer George Michael has said that a new film about his life is the start of a retirement from public view. The pop star said it would be a much more "behind the scenes affair", and called his own genre of music "dead". "I thought I should explain myself before I disappear," said Michael, who was at the Berlin film festival to launch the documentary. The film, A Different Story, chronicles Michael's life and career from the 1980s and his personal struggles. The 41-year-old chart-topper told reporters in the German capital that he wanted to "move his career into a different form", but added that he does not know what it is going to be yet. "I'm still going to be making music," he said, but added that he was "not going to be around".

Once in a while the punch line just writes itself: "Its always nice to go out at the top of your game."

Letters we got on this:

Dear Sirs,

Its hard hard work staying at the top all the time.


Anna Kournikova

Dear Sirs,

I understand where he's coming from. I've been thinking of scaling back a bit.


Leonard Nimoy

Dear Sirs,

Man, I was so lucky to get out when I did.


Pete Best



Catholic bishops: Over 1,000 new claims of abuse

(CNN) WASHINGTON (AP) -- The nation's Roman Catholic bishops said Friday that over the last year they received 1,092 new allegations of sexual abuse against at least 756 Catholic priests and deacons. Half of the accused priests over the past year had been previously accused of abuse, said Kathleen McChesney, executive director of the bishops' Office of Child and Youth Protection.

The Office of Child and Youth Protection? That's beyond creepy. I'll bet the Office of Child and Youth Protection gets quite a bit less money and attention than the Office of Preventing Gay People from Being Happy. If they put as much energy into fighting this as they do in fighting homosexuals then they could probably make some progress.



Speaking of institutional perversion. Steve West defends severance package:

(CanWest) Premier Ralph Klein's former chief of staff says he deserves a $180-thousand severance package after six months on the job. Steve West says he came from a very lucrative job in the private sector and the amount of money he made at his government job was less than half of what he previously earned.

So...he gave up what job exactly? The Inspector General of Dog neutering for the county of Glenfiddich? Its not the tax-payer's fault that West was a miserable failure in the impossible task of baby sitting Ralph Klein. When he was hired the Premier had lost control of everything and was drifting aimlessly. No one was about to listen to anything Steve West had to say. One thing the Tories have been pushing is the idea that every government department has to develop business plans and meet performance objectives. I think its called accountability.


Finally, a useful article from Fortune Magazine, explaining why CEO's are like babies. You would think that an article like this would not go over very well in Fortune Magazine. As you read it you may find yourself saying eggzactly out loudly.

Read it...


(CBC)TORONTO - The companies that sell auto, home and business insurance to Canadians have reported record profits of $4.2 billion in 2004 – a figure the Consumers Association of Canada called "obscene." The industry's 206 companies also reported record return on equity of 20.6 per cent last year. "These financial results confirm that the P&C [property and casualty] insurance industry has returned to financial health following a period of the weakest earnings in its history," said Stan Griffin, president of the Insurance Bureau of Canada (IBC).

More Alberta Tory math: So lets see...my policy drops by $10 per year, but If I'm in an accident and get a "soft tissue injury" I better hope its an under $4000 soft tissue injury, otherwise I'll have to dip into that $10/per year savings reserve fund.


From the Sunday Mirror:

CAMILLA BANNED FROM WHITE HOUSE - GEORGE Bush has banned Camilla Parker Bowles from the White House - because she is a divorcee. The unprecedented snub has effectively sabotaged Charles's plan to take his bride on a Royal tour of America later this year. But the US President - a notoriously right-wing Christian and reformed alcoholic - told aides it was "inappropriate" for him to be playing host to the newly-weds, who are both divorcees.

They'll yank her off a plane, send her to Cuba in a hood, then claim there was a mix up with a terrorist named Camilla Tariq'Ak Barqoui. Can't wait till Charles drags it to Canada and the Monarchist League of Canada goes all nuts. What position will they take? On the one hand they are obsequious boot lickers...but on the other hand they can't very well be seen to approve of a commoner in the Royal Family. At least not an un-photogenic one. Oh, what a dilemma. Well at least Charles will leave Prince von Ribbentrop at home. Won't they have to give Camilla a title of some sort? Did'nt they make Wallace Simpson the Duchess of something something. She was quite un-photogenic as well. Can't wait to see how that plays out. I mean, everybody likes an accident scene. Oh like you don't read the articles about those two.

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